What The *&#% Is Sean Leary Thinking?

Predictions For Super Bowl Weekend

2009-01-30T15:59:00.000-06:00

My predictions for this weekend:

* The Cardinals will win the Super Bowl 24-20, stunning everyone.

* Kurt Warner will win the MVP, after throwing for about 275 yards with two TDs (the third Arizona TD will come from a Tim Hightower run; and they'll get a field goal to run it up to 24 points.)

* The first words out of Kurt Warner's mouth after the mic is put in front of it post-game will be ....First off, I want to thank the Lord Jesus Christ.'' He may mix it up and say ....First off, I want to thank God.'' But I'm betting he'll go with Jesus.

* Most of the Super Bowl commercials will be lame, with the notable exception of two brilliant shills, one of which will be from a huge company like Taco Bell, the other of which will be from a much lesser-known company, probably some computer software outfit.

* Bruce Springsteen will play these four songs during halftime: ....The Rising,'' ....Glory Days,'' ....Born in the U.S.A.'' and ....Born To Run.'' He'll end his show with a rousing version of ....Born in the U.S.A. which will include a crapload of fireworks, confetti, people in red, white and blue and a sing-along with the chorus.

* All of the commentators talking about the game prior to kickoff will say, ....I know this is the Super Bowl, but this thing will have a hard time living up to the hype, pageantry, fireworks and kick-ass-ocity of yesterday's book signing by Sean Leary. He was at Barnes and Noble at NorthPark Mall in Davenport from 1 to 3 p.m. on Saturday, and he ROCKED THAT M-F'ER!!!!''

Find out for yourself if any of my predictions above are correct, starting on Saturday. Come on out to Barnes and Noble from 1 to 3 p.m., pick up a copy of my new book, MY LIFE AS A FREAK MAGNET: TRUE STORIES ABOUT WEIRDOS I'VE MET, or any of my other books, including EVERY NUMBER IS LUCKY TO SOMEONE, THE GIRL OF DREAMS AND MAGICK or EXORCISING GHOSTS, and then, as you're waiting for the Super Bowl to begin, enjoy reading any or all of them while eating some pizza and a giant plate of nachos.

Now THAT'S livin' my friends. THAT'S livin'.

Hope you all have a great weekend....

copyright 2009 Sean Leary / for more writing and other stuff you may or may not give a shit about, see www.seanleary.com

Rihanna: Afraid Of A Little Competition!

2009-01-29T10:15:00.001-06:00

At first I thought Rihanna was just a hypocrite.

Now I realize she's just terrified of a little competition.

In her new song ....Live Your Life,'' she starts with the usual hip-hop litany of bling porn, dropping her drawas over a list of material things, blah, blah, blah.

Then she gets into the Oprah portion of the song, the uplifting message that people need to ignore haters and just live their lives.

Clap. Clap. Clap.

Very nice, very uplifting, very positive, good message.

However, when you listen to the lyrics, you get a different one.

First off, Rihanna tells people to ....stop chasin' paper and live your life.''

Okay, good advice. The pursuit of materialism is ultimately a hollow goal steeped in futility, particularly in times like these. And we all should just live our lives, not pay attention to haters, stop trying to keep up with the Jonesies, etc.

However, just a couple of lines later, Rihanna says, ....cause I'm a paper chaser, just livin' my life.''

Okay, Rihanna.

Stop sending us mixed messages here.

You're telling us not to chase paper. Just live our lives.

Then you tell us YOU'RE chasing paper WHILE living your life.

As if you're so great you have the ability to do both, while we peons don't?

Thanks for all the confidence, Rihanna.

But then again, maybe you're saying that because you don't have enough confidence in yourself?

Maybe you're saying that just to eliminate your competition for that paper?

Maybe you're telling people to stop chasing paper so that you'll have more paper to chase and less competition in chasing it?

I'm on to you Rihanna.

And I got my mind on my paper and my paper on my mind.

And I'm livin' my life.

Hey-ey ey ey ey ey...

copyright 2009 Sean Leary / for more writing, pleas for financial salvation through book sales and subterranean cries of existential desperation see www.seanleary.com

The Yeast Infection Girl Who Kidnapped Me

2009-01-16T10:07:00.001-06:00

Below is a story from my new book, MY LIFE AS A FREAK MAGNET, which I'll be signing from 1 to 3 p.m. tomorrow, aka Saturday, at Waldenbooks, SouthPark Mall, Moline, IL.

Hope you enjoy it, hope to see you at the signing, and hope you have a great weekend!

(The previous paragraph was brought to you by the word ....hope.'' Hope. It's not just for Barack Obama's campaign speeches anymore.)

As with all my stories, feel free to spam it out to your friends and share it with whoever you want. Just include my byline/copyright/etc. when you do.

And heeeeeeeeerrrrrreeeeesssssss......

THE YEAST INFECTION GIRL WHO KIDNAPPED ME

By Sean Leary

Ever notice those eHarmony commercials never feature anyone talking about their venereal diseases?

I guess they never got an application from Renee.

I met Renee (not her real name) in college. I was 21. When we were introduced by a mutual friend, we hit it off well. She seemed completely normal, stable, funny and cool. It's not like she was dressed head-to-toe vampire, or sporting several facial tics, or brandishing a swastika tattoo on her forehead. She looked like Elizabeth Shue in ....Cocktail.'' Girl next door type.

Little did I know her white picket fence cottage house was hiding a dungeon beneath it.

She offered to drive on our first date. Not typical for me, I'm used to driving, but it seemed like a refreshing change, so I went with it. When she picked me up, the first things she said to me when I got in the car were, ....You look great!'' and ....You know, you asking me out has made my entire year!''
Two huge compliments. Not bad. I'll take 'em. Things were going just fine with me up to that point.

....I want to take you to my favorite restaurant!'' she said, excitedly. In fact, pretty much everything she said during the first hour or so, she said with an incredible zeal.

Okay, sounds good.

So, we're driving and talking and driving and talking and I start to realize we're heading out of town. We're 20 minutes, half-hour out of town, and I ask, ....Where is this restaurant?''

....Oh, it's in Barrington.''

Barrington is over two hours away. It's in her hometown.

....Hmm. I hope it's a really good restaurant,'' I joke.

....Oh, it's awesome, and I really want you to like it!'' she says, in a way that made me think this was about more than me enjoying the appetizers. ....I really hope you do, because it's my favorite restaurant, and I want it to be yours too!''

....Well, it'll have a difficult time knocking off Burger King,'' I said, obviously joking.

Silence. Three, four, five seconds of silence. Accompanied by an oddly perturbed look on her face. And then...

she busted out laughing.

....Yeah, I think it'll be better than Burger King!'' she guffawed, awkwardly.

Okay, I'm fine with the adventure of going to a new place, and while it's more than a little unusual that she was taking me two hours out of the way to do it, that's cool, it's something different, and it'll give us time to talk. At that point I was just hoping that we would hit it off, and would have enough to talk about, otherwise the two hours would be deadly. But the delayed reaction on the joke, as well as the sort of vague anger about it, was starting to make me a little suspicious that the two hour drive – not to mention the two hour drive back, or the time spent there – could possibly become a bit strange.

The next thing she said, to break the uncomfortable silence, kinda confirmed my suspicions.

....Yeah, while we're there, I want you to meet my parents!'' she says.

Huh?

....Oh yeah, they'll love you!''

Hmm.

Then, silence, as though she realized she had just said something she probably shouldn't have, and changed the subject to working at the school newspaper. She was a fellow journalism student and she asked me what it was like to be an editor. Then we started talking about music. And movies. Pretty tame stuff.

Then, a few minutes later, she asks me to hand her her purse. I do. She shuffles through it, and, quite conspicuously, takes out her birth control pill and takes it right in front of me.

Then -- and this is the capper -- she says, ....Oh, I don't mean to be a tease. I mean, yeah, I'd love to have sex with you tonight, but I can't.''

And at that point, she LITERALLY starts scratching at her groin area.

....I've got this awful yeast infection!'' she says. ....And I'm sure you don't want to get that!''

She then laughs in a nervous, high pitched squeal and begins to talk, for a good 10-15 minutes, about her yeast infection. How it feels. How she hates yeast infections. How she gets them too often. Her theories on why she gets them. How she takes wears saran wrap bikinis filled with yogurt to try to get rid of them. And on. And on..

As I sit there, just sorta kicking back, taking it all in, wondering what's next.

Then she starts to tell me again how happy she is to be with me on this date.

....Yeah, I haven't really dated anyone since I broke up with my last boyfriend...''

Keep in mind this girl is a 19-year-old college student.

Her last boyfriend?

Her 42-year-old, MARRIED, band instructor.

The remainder of our trip to her hometown is spent with her dissecting that relationship. How it started. How it continued. Why she did it. How often they had sex. Where they had sex. Where they had to have sex because he was sneaking around and they were keeping it a secret. The time he gave her an STD and she found out he'd also been sleeping with third trombone or something, who had crabs. Good stuff.

Now, some of the time is also spent comparing me favorably to said band instructor. However, the bar is pretty low, so I don't feel all that accomplished to be stepping over it. Also, by this time, the ego stroking isn't even working. I'm just completely knocked aback by this girl's bizarre conversational choices and the way she expresses them.

We get to her hometown. Before going to the restaurant we stop at her house. Unbeknownst to her Mom and Dad, both of whom are dressed for bed. Dad in a sleeveless t-shirt and boxers, Mom in curlers and a housecoat. They're not particularly happy to see us, and her Mom tosses me a look that basically says, ....I'm so so sorry...''

Renee, on the other hand, is oblivious to this, giving me a tour of her home and showing me various pictures of her in various stages of growing up.

One such picture is of her around age 12 in a softball uniform.

....I think that was the summer I got my period,'' she says.

The More You Know...

We disengage from the parents house and go to her favorite restaurant, a Chinese place that wasn't half bad, but which was a rat hair from closing when she showed up. So the next hour is spent with the two of us – the only ones left in the place – eating as the employees vacuum and tidy around us trying to get her to take a hint.

Dinner conversation is about Renee's former relationships prior to the band instructor guy. The guy she lost her virginity to, who was also sleeping with her best friend. The guys who have cheated on her. The guy whose house she egged. The guy whose car she keyed. The guy who she intentionally gave an STD to again because he'd already given one to her, and how they both found it hilarious later on. Thank God for penicillin!

I think I get in a total of three or four minutes of convo.

And for any of you who know how chatty I am, you realize what an incredible aberration THAT is.

So, we wrap it up at the restaurant and start to head home. At this point, Renee thinks the date has gone fantastic. She's talking about our future together, and dropping hints about what we can do next, and talking about what we can do over the summer together, and how Barrington and my hometown of Joliet aren't really THAT far from each other (actually they're pretty far from one another), and by the time she gets around to talking again about her yeast infection I'm just trying to find my zen quiet place.

We pull into my driveway at the end of the night and she says, and I quote:

....Do you want me to come in? I mean, I know, I said we can't really have sex, but like, there are other things we can do.''

She looks in the driveway.

....Is that your car? If your roommates are up, we can go hang out in your car.''

At this point I wouldn't care if I'd just gotten back from a 10-year stint on a submarine with nothing but men. There's no way I'm encouraging Renee with any form of physical interaction. So, she goes in for a kiss and I shuffle over last minute and make it a hug.

Awkward.

....You don't want to kiss me?'' she says.

....Um, I think I'd like to take things slowly,'' I say. ....I get the feeling you're still kinda rebounding from your last boyfriend so maybe we should just be friends and see what happens.''

She starts to cry.

Just a reminder: This is a first date.

I'm horrible with the crying. I start to feel bad for people. As I've been told countless times, I'm too nice. I give her a hug. She pulls back, looks at me like she's going to go in for a kiss again, so I disengage and pull back since she's stopped crying.

....I'll give you a call!'' I say, getting out of the car.

....Okay,'' she says, I think, because I'm trying to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible.

I go inside, tell two of my roommates about the date. One of them says, ....Dude, she kidnapped you!''

....Hmm, I guess she did.''

....Did you notice any strange smells coming from the trunk?'' the other roommate adds. ....She might've had the body of the last guy she dated in there.''

Anyway, in the middle of me talking to my roommates, another roommate tells me I have a phone call.
It's Renee.

She blurts an apology for about 10 minutes. I accept the apology, but I don't agree to date her again.
That doesn't go over well, so she hungs up.

Nonetheless, for the next two weeks, she's relentless in trying to get me to go out with her again. I very politely continue to refuse. I'm busy. I think she's still hung up on the ex. I have to hop on a plane to Tibet to join the Peace Corps. Etc.

Then, for some reason, she suddenly changes tacks and starts telling people what a jerk I was. This goes on until she finds another guy. A fellow journalism student. Three weeks later, this guy comes to me and says, ....Uh, did Renee kinda stalk you or something? Because I can't get rid of her and I think she keyed my car.''

Suddenly I'm thankful I didn't make it to the third week. Apparently that's when she shifts into vandalism. I'm guessing week four or five involved the exchange of venereal diseases, if things got that far.

Shortly after that, the semester ended, Renee quit the newspaper and I never saw her again. Five years later I saw in our alumni newsletter that she had gotten married. Another five years later and she was a Mom of three. Maybe she settled down. Maybe her bizarre nature was just a phase for her, like ripped jeans or big hair. Or maybe she joined eHarmony and found that one special person whose turn-ons included talking about yeast infections.

I can just imagine the conversation.

....Yeah, I'm so glad eHarmony matched us up. I can't wait to take you to my favorite restaurant,'' she would say, starting to itch. ....Damn! I can't stand yeast infections!''

....Did you say yeast infections?'' he would ask, his eyes aglow, as he reached into his pocket to pull out a business card that said ....Roy Jones, Executive Vice President, Monistat Corporation...''

from the book MY LIFE AS A FREAK MAGNET by Sean Leary
copyright 2009 Sean Leary .. for more writing see www.seanleary.com

So, I Finally Got My Christmas Card From Julio Iglesias Today

2009-01-16T10:06:00.002-06:00

So, I finally got my Christmas card from Julio Iglesias today.

No kidding.

I don't know which is more amazing at this point. The fact that it took almost a month to deliver a Christmas card that was postmarked Dec. 15, or the fact that for the last decade I've been on Julio Iglesias' Christmas card list.

It all started in 1998. I know this because, jokingly, I have the initial hand-signed thank you letter from Mr. Iglesias taped up between a Lou Reed poster and a photo of ....psychic'' Miss Cleo on a wall at my office.

....Dear Sean,'' it reads,

....I want to take this opportunity to thank you for your favorable support of my latest album, ..Tango!' during 1997. It is due to such support that ..Tango!' has been nominated for a Grammy Award in the Best Latin Pop performance category being held in Radio City Music Hall on February 25, 1998...''

It's good that Julio acknowledged the critical weight my opinion holds with the Grammy voters. LOL.

Of course this entire thing was precipitated entirely on three things I did a decade ago, when I'd just started at this job -- one, I gave ....Tango'' a deserved good review; two, I gave Iglesias' concert a deserved good review when he played the local arena; and three, I killed one of his enemies for him in exchange for $5,000, a Hickory Farms cheese gift basket and a year's worth of Miracle Car Wash gift certificates.

That man? Tupac Shakur.

Okay, maybe it was just the first two.

At any rate, since then I've been on the Iglesias family Christmas list. Every year I get a card, and in recent years said card has featured a picture of his most recent brood of children, all of whom seem to be growing up quite quickly. Oh, how the time has flown for Miguel, Rodrigo, Julio, Miranda, Victoria and Christina.

I bring this up because it's an unusual thing you may find interesting or entertaining, and also because it illustrates something about celebrity.

I'm sure Julio Iglesias personally does not know if I get his Christmas cards or not. I'm certain that I'm part of a massive mailing out to entertainment and pop culture writers all across the planet, and pretty much everyone who has given him a favorable review or two in the past, and the few of us who have been hired assassins to dispatch his enemies, are put on the list.

But on the other hand, Julio Iglesias has to chip out the dough for these four color, high quality paper cards, not to mention all the postage. That's got to be a nice chunk of change.

I'm guessing, from my lack of regular holiday tidings from the rich and famous that I've applauded over the years, that there are very few celebrities that do this, or even would. So I've got to give Mr. Iglesias props on this one.

Before I opened my mail I was looking at the entertainment wire. It was filled with the usual morass of ugly, meaningless stories about Z-grade demi-celebs (WHY do people give a crap about Paris Hilton? What has she done other than grown from the zygote created from a mother who gave her looks and a father that gave her money?) that will be best forgotten in the years to come.

And then there's Julio Iglesias.

Say what you want to about the guy, but he's like Elvis to the Spanish-speaking countries of the world. In the U.S., or at least the white U.S., he's known as the ....To All The Girls I've Loved Before'' dude. But outside of our honkytown, the guy's a legend.

Yet he still has his assistants printing out and sending out holiday cards to hundreds of schmucks like me. Especially someone like me, who hasn't written about Julio Iglesias in probably the 10 years that have passed since that review, unless I've reviewed another CD of his in that ensuing time.

That attention to detail and that dedication to thanking the people who have helped him along the way -- in ways however slight -- is admirable.

It's not the kind of thing you're going to get from a Paris Hilton.

Which is why Mr. Iglesias has put her on his hit list.

And why I'm cleaning my glock and waiting for my Miracle Car Wash gift certificates, as a retainer.

copyright 2009 Sean Leary / for more writing see www.seanleary.com

Saying Something ``Rocks'' Doesn't Rock

2009-01-16T10:06:00.001-06:00

Okay, I think it's getting to be way beyond the time that we should all retire the phrase ....(blank) rocks.''

Sure, it can be kept around as an ironic comment, or as something that you might find on shirts worn by small children, who haven't beaten it into the ground. (For example, ....My Mom Rocks'' or ....My Dad Rocks'' or ....Elmo Rocks'' t-shirts.)

However, I'm sick of hearing it from adults in regard to everyone and everything, particularly when it seems lazy, disingenuous and obsequious, or when it's used as an advertising shill for something that, let's face it, really doesn't rock, never rocked and regardless of its merit, never will.

For example: ....This hemorrhoid cream ROCKS!''

I'm sorry, but as happy as you may be that your ass doesn't itch anymore, a hemorrhoid cream, by nature, should not be allowed to be described as ....rocking.''

C'mon, people, can't we find something more original to describe things? Can't we get beyond using ....rocks'' as a description with the slathering ubiquity of a lunch lady using mayonnaise?

Or at least can't we mix it up a bit?

How about saying that something ....rolls?''

As in ....rock 'n' roll.''

....Wow! This rolls!''

....You roll!''

....Damn! This hemorrhoid cream rolls!''

Hey, at least it's original.

copyright 2009 Sean Leary / for more writing and incredibly insightful commentary see www.seanleary.com

Through difficult times, one man's tenacity wins out

2008-12-31T13:10:00.000-06:00

There's a saying that you haven't really worked in the media until you've been fired. The business is notoriously fickle. A down ratings point here or there, a management shakeup (of which there are typically several), a shift in philosophy or a change in radio or TV station formats -- any number of factors can precipitate a pink slip.

However, the good ones, the tough ones, always make it through. They keep on finding work, never allowing their voices to be silenced.

No one can say Jim Albracht hasn't made it.

The thoughtful, outspoken, genial Albracht, 58, has traveled around the dial throughout the Midwest. He's seen it all. But he's still got his eyes wide open.

``As they say, it's been a long, strange trip,'' Albracht says, laughing. ``There are very few things I haven't done. But everything I have I've looked at as a challenge and an opportunity.''

He was all over the radio -- everywhere from WQUA to KFMH -- in the '70s; became a well-known sportscaster on WQAD-TV8 in the early-mid '80s; then returned to radio for a stint on WOC-AM1420 into the early '90s.

``Those were some great times,'' he said. ``Working at KFMH, I don't think I've ever had more fun at a job. And working as a sportscaster, I got to live out a lot of my dreams. Back then, if you worked hard enough, you could get anybody -- if you wanted to interview Stan Musial, you could. I got to talk to a lot of personal heroes, both at channel 8, and on WOC.''

Bounced from 'OC in '94, he landed on his feet -- and on-the-air -- in Green Bay and got to see the Packers win the Super Bowl.

``That's a perfect example of never knowing when something that seems like a down thing is going to turn into an opportunity,'' Albracht said. ``If I hadn't gone to Green Bay I never would've been there for that.''

He also never would've gotten to make a triumphant comeback. In 1998 he returned to WOC and began a decade-long stint as its morning show host.

However, a decade later, Nov. 30, 1997, he was let go again.

``I don't really have any hard feelings towards those guys, it was just a financial thing -- that's the way the economy was going, and still is,'' he said.

However, after a while, another media door opened -- albeit a part-time one. Since September, he's been sharing his perspectives at 6 and 10 p.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays and 5:30 and 10 p.m. Sundays on ``The Quad-Cities According To Jim,'' an op-ed running during the WQAD-TV8 newscasts. Albracht essentially gets to speak his mind on any subject he desires -- whether it's the presidential election, Britney Spears' latest breakdown or the basketball prospects for the Hawkeyes. It's an opportunity he relishes.

``I never say anything I don't believe, but I never believe I speak for everyone,'' he says. ``It can be serious, it can be funny, it's just life. The best case scenario is that I get people to think about an issue, to talk about it.''

Having endured the ups and downs of the business has only given the tenacious Albracht a richer perspective, he says, one that informs his work and helps him connect with the audience.

``Life has its ups and downs, and its changes in perspectives,'' he says. ``When I was 8, I thought `If I could just call one game, I'd be happy.' I've been fortunate to achieve a lot of what I set out to do.

``It's been a great life,'' he laughs. ``I just have to figure out what to do with the rest of it.''

Pausing, he acknowledged the difficulties he's endured, personal and professional. But he was quick to admit that often, the old adage about a window opening every time a door closes can be true -- and he's learned to watch the windows.

``I think one of the keys is being open to those opportunities when they arise,'' Albracht said. ``The other is following your passion. As long as you're doing that, no matter where you end up, you can be happy.''

copyright 2008 Sean Leary / for more writing see www.seanleary.com

Karli Rose Kell's name, legacy, lives on

2008-12-24T11:08:00.003-06:00

Yesterday marked the seventh Christmas.

The seventh time there were no gifts under the tree, no place at the table, no sounds of her laughter bubbling through the house like the sweet perfume of holiday cooking.

The latest December the Kell family, Ellis and Kristi, endured without their beloved daughter, Karli Rose.

``It's always tough,'' Mr. Kell said, taking a moment for a breath, his eyes welling up a bit. ``It starts to get tougher at the beginning of every fall. She was always such a Christmas type of person; she loved the holidays, everything about them.

``We miss her. You learn to live with it, but it never gets easy.''

Since Karli passed on Oct. 19, 2002, killed in a car crash near Andalusia, her parents have helped her memory live on -- not only for them, but for many others -- and created a legacy of charity in her name.

The Karli Rose Kell Scholarship fund has been going strong since its first Moondance charity concert event in 2003. Since then, it's provided money for dozens of aspiring area musicians, and each year it accepts scores of applications from students ages 8-18. (For more information on the program, e-mail Ellis Kell at ekell@rivermusicexperience.org.)

This year it's close to raising $10,000 for scholarships to go to needy area music students. Tonight, Ellis Kell and his band will perform at the Redstone room, hoping to raise enough funds to push them over the top of that $10,000 threshhold.

``We need $560 and we're there,'' Mr. Kell said. ``We started in July and it's just been amazing to behold the outpouring of support. Even in these tough economic times, when we know it's more difficult for people to find a little extra, people have been generous, and we truly appreciate it.

``It means a lot to us, in keeping Karli's memory alive, but it means so much to the students whose lives are impacted firsthand by it,'' Mr. Kell said. ``Being (at the RME) and seeing that, seeing the kids who are able to continue their music education because of it, is amazing.

``It's the best legacy I can think for her to have, in her name,'' Mr. Kell said. ``She loved music so much, it was such a huge part of her life. I think Karli would be thrilled. I'm sure she's looking down and smiling.''

copyright 2008 Sean Leary / for more writing see www.seanleary.com

Collins' Christmas Greetings Bring Spirit Of The Holiday Alive

2008-12-16T16:28:00.000-06:00

By now most of us have armies of holiday cards lined up in formation on mantles, refrigerators and desks.

Some of them offer brief salutations, others deep holiday wishes, and still more lengthy recaps of the senders' lives since last Christmas. Some were dashed off out of obligation, some were meticulously crafted outbursts of feeling. Most were probably sent from a place somewhere in-between.

But all of them were the result of an effort, however minute.

They offer a connection, brief and ephemeral, to the lives of loved ones. A lifeline to the milestones of their lives.

It's been almost 20 years since the friends of Richard Collins were recipients of his own unique annual holiday correspondence.

However, 16 Christmases after the 30-year veteran teacher and coach in the Moline school system passed from prostate cancer in January 1992, that connection has been re-established.

Earlier this fall, the Midwest Writing Center released “Greater Joy, Shorter Sorrow, Thankful Prayer,” a collection of Christmas poems Collins sent to friends from 1965 to 1990. Most of the poems are recaps of the year, some of them are odes to the season, all of them have a warm personality and a certain resonance.

Books are $11 and can be ordered by contacting the Midwest Writing Center or on Amazon.com. Proceeds are shared by the Midwest Writing Center and the Richard J. Collins’ Scholarship Fund. You can find out more at http://www.midwestwritingcenter.org.

I wrote about the book in October, back when it was first published. However, three events brought me back to revisit it. One was the proximity to the holiday. Another was recently seeing Collins' widow, Susan, and son, Ryan at a Midwest Writing Center event, And the third was some time spent cleaning out old files and tossing ancient Christmas cards.

Postcards from the past. Time machines. Some worth a laugh, some worth a smile.

The same could be said of Collins' poems.

Most of them are frozen moments, warm sentiments without pretention. However, now they're reminders, comforts for loved ones, all because he took the effort to bring them to life.

``The book being released brought mixed feelings for me,'' Susan said. ``The neatest part about it is Ryan being introduced to his father's work. He knew his Dad wrote poetry but he hadn't read a lot of his poems. It was a great opportunity for him.

``It brings back memories for me, it makes me nostalgic,'' Susan said, wistfully. ``I'm glad other people have the opportunity to go through and read them. ''

It's almost a certainty that when Richard Collins wrote them, he had no idea that almost 20 years on, they would still be impacting people's lives. That people he had never met would be discovering them.

There's something very appropriate in that, given the season's giving nature. And aside from the obvious subject matter, there's something about Collins' book that really brings the spirit of the holidays alive.

You may read this and decide to pick up a copy of Collins' book for yourself. You may see it in a bookstore and check it out, flip through it, read a few of the poems. And in them, you may see a mirror of your own life. Of the cards you've gotten. Of the sentiments within. Of the connections being made, however small, with the people who have made up the fabric of your life.

And all of them beginning with an effort, a step being made, a connection forged.

When he reached out to create them, Richard Collins' missives were thought to be little more than temporary amusements.

Now they're a legacy, a tie that binds.

Little do we know how the efforts we'll make this holiday season will be received. The impact they'll have. But, however tiny, as with Richard Collins, the possibility for a deeper resonance, completely unbeknownst to us, is always there. Our actions, however insignificant we deem them, have the potential for a greater impact, now or somewhere down the line.

What will your impact be?

Have a safe and merry Christmas.

copyright 2008 Sean Leary / for more writing see www.seanleary.com

Sadly, the lights are down this Christmas season for iconic home

2008-12-10T17:05:00.000-06:00

For 25 years, residents of Clark Hall's Moline neighborhood could always count on him lighting up their lives.

From snowmen to Santas, from colored bulbs to candy canes, the former Dispatch Griswold Award Winner's yard was a frenzy of copious and festive holiday adornments.

``People used to come from all over the Quad-Cities, and even outside the area, to see it,'' his wife, Gloria, said Wednesday of the home at 921 12th Ave. ``People really enjoyed it.

``You could certainly see it -- it was hard to miss,'' she said, with a chuckle. ``Our oldest son used to read books in the front yard by the lights.''

This year, however, the yard is icy and dark. The skeins of luminaries and myriad decorations remain indoors, stuffed in dusty boxes. Periodically, cars will drive by the house slowly, hoping to catch a bit of past Christmas magic, but they speed away disappointed, with only their headlights breaking the night.

This year, Mr. Hall has retired, he says. He won't be decorating his house any more.

``I'm not able to do it, due to my health,'' he said, voice cracking, before yielding the phone to his wife to finish our interview.

Mr. Hall is epileptic, and in the past few years it's gotten worse, to the point where now, he can't climb the ladders, can't use the equipment necessary, she explains.

``It's sad,'' she said. ``We're both sad about it. But it's a decision that had to be made.''

There were close calls in the past. A crushed foot in 1993 put Clark out of work for nine months, but his sons -- teenagers at the time -- and their friends pitched in to decorate the house come Christmas time.

The Halls' sons had also pitched in to help in recent years, as it became more difficult for Clark. But with the oldest, Jim, 34, living in St. Paul, Minn., and their youngest, Tom, 32, having to work 12-hour days and take care of his own family, time has been stretched too far, Mrs. Hall said.

``It's time,'' she said.

The tradition began a quarter-century ago, in 1982, after Clark's mother, Maxine, passed away.

``She loved Christmas lights. She used to go out every year and they would drive around and see all the lights,'' Mrs. Hall said. ``He started decorating the house in honor of her. It was a way of keeping her memory alive, of doing something she would've enjoyed seeing.''

The decorating began soon after Halloween, and over the years, the display became all the more elaborate. The two-story home had a landscaped front with a fence equipped with electrical outlets to accommodate a spaghetti pile of extension cords used for the lighting display. Several trees, a small bridge and a man-made pond in the back yard were lit.

The east side of the property was decorated with a trio of Santa's helpers' houses. A Santa climbed up a ladder to a second-story window. A church with carolers and a Nativity display ornamented the home's front. Lights of red, green, orange, white and blue blanketed the house and the shrubbery, along with several candy canes, reindeer, angels and assorted animals. Tons of white lights streamed along the roof alongside a wooden Santa and sleigh. In all, 25 plastic figures and 70 wood figurines, hand-crafted by Mr. Hall, populated the home and yard.

``It really was a sight to see,'' Mrs. Hall said. ``It was pretty amazing.''

The Halls are keeping much of the holiday memorabilia, an array nearly as populous as the number of memories they hold from the past 25 winters.

Reminiscences shared by others as well.

``I can't believe it,'' Mrs. Hall said in a phone call late Wednesday. ``We checked the mail today and Clark's starting to get `Thank You' notes from people, thanking him for decorating the house all these years.

``It's nice,'' she said, the joy obvious in her voice. ``It's sad it has to end, but it's good for him to know he's had an impact on people's lives. It's a nice thing to come out of it. To know that people cared enough to say thank you.''

copyright 2008 Sean Leary / for more writing see www.seanleary.com

Why Isn't There An Indie Film Theater In The Quad-Cities?

2008-12-09T11:39:00.002-06:00

I'm starting to hear a familiar question again.

``Why doesn't the Quad-Cities have a theater that shows independent movies?''

Why not?

At one point, I used to get this question all the time. And at that point I had a different answer. That point was in the mid-late '90s and early '00s. After the massive success of indie films like ``sex lies and videotape,'' ``Clerks'' and especially ``Pulp Fiction,'' film fans began to hunger for more indie fare. Local movie aficionados were no exception.

At best, the big mainstream theaters at the time -- Showcase Davenport and Milan and the Moline Super Savers Cinema -- would screen indies for a week, or sometimes even just a couple of days, and then they'd disappear. Ergo, during that time, a lot of people seemed to be craving a theater devoted specifically to indies.

I wrote several columns that reflected that, pushing for someone to take a chance and open up a theater devoted to off-the-beaten-path films. For a while, I was even considering doing it myself, putting out subtle feelers to The District and my banker, with a plan to re-open the Rocket Cinema in downtown Rock Island, re-name it the Verona, and use it as a multi-purpose venue for indie films, bands and theater.

However, around that same time, a friend of mine, unbeknownst to either of us, decided to do the same thing.

In 2002, Devin Hansen opened up the Brew and View, an excellent venue devoted to independent films and the occasional concert. In 2005, he expanded by re-opening the Rocket. So, for what would turn out to be a very brief time, the Quad-Cities had two indie film venues in recent years.

Devin's venues were well run, accomodating and featured a fantastic string of films. He went about things the right way.

And both theaters went belly up by the end of 2005.

The reason, ultimately?

A lack of support.

What would happen is that some films would draw huge -- Michael Moore's ``Fahrenheit 9/11'' was one of the biggest -- and that financial bonanza would give the theater some breathing room during the much leaner times. And there were some very lean times during the runs of certain films. There were several instances where I went to see a movie there and I was one of a handful of people in the theater. One time, the only two people in the theater were me and a reviewer for another local newspaper.

As the stretches between theater-saving hits grew longer, the odds of either theater surviving did as well, until, finally, Devin had to close their doors. As much as people seemed interested and enthusiastic about the idea, the market didn't financially support it.

Have things changed in three years? Have they changed enough to where someone else could make it work?

I doubt it.

Yes, the market has changed and loosened up a bit. For example, there are more indie theater groups surviving where before it was a tougher go. But 2005 wasn't that long ago. The market probably hasn't changed all that much in that little time.

In addition, the economy has zipped downhill rapidly. People don't have as much disposable income. Things seem to be getting worse. Every day is filled with more bad news.
With most people's finances in tatters, now is not the time to start a business that failed not too long ago.

The best chance of anything similiar working would be if the current occupants of the old Brew and View, Derek Bertelsen and Tyson Danner's Green Room Theater, decided to devote a couple nights a week to screening indie flicks, in between live theater shows. Something on that smaller scale, in a venue that's got a built-in audience sympathetic to films of that sort, might work. Might.

However, anything larger is probably doomed at this point.

I hate to be pessimistic, because I'd like to see it happen. I'd like to see someone open an indie theater and succeed. I've been a staunch supporter of that idea for more than a decade.

However, given the circumstances, I don't see it happening.

That's the answer I have to give people now.

That's not the answer I gave then.

It's sad to see that change.

But I'd like to be proven wrong.

copyright 2008 sean leary / for more writing see www.seanleary.com

Film Series Brings INTERNATIONAL Flavor To Geneseo

2008-12-02T17:00:00.001-06:00

I don't know about you, but when I think about hotbeds for foreign film, Geneseo is the first city that comes to mind.

No?

Well, maybe that'll change.

Especially if Margaret Behr has her way.

Behr, who moved to the Quad-Cities area from St. Louis four years ago, is the driving force behind Geneseo's new Foreign Film Series taking place the first Thursday of every month (except January, which lands on New Year's Day) at the Central Theatre, 111 N. State St. Flicks begin at 6:15 p.m., although Behr admits there's a little wiggle room for latecomers.

With the future of the Open Cities Film Society in shadow, and few other regular options for fans of the exotic, Behr's series offers a breeze of fresh air. One that she's more than happy to breathe in deeply.

``When I moved here I noticed there wasn't anything like this,'' Behr said. ``I used to love going to see foreign films in St. Louis, and they had a lot of places where you could see them, old and new. So I thought, how can I do something like this here?''

Behr approached the community center to sponsor the event, and they acquiesced. Geneseo Art League has also expressed interest in coming aboard as a sponsor.

The event started off in October to modest crowds, but has picked up as word-of-mouth has gotten out.

``We're hoping that every month it picks up more momentum,'' Behr said. ``Hopefully this becomes a regular thing, and we're able to show even more films on a regular basis.''

However, Behr is quick to add that people should leave their preconceptions about foreign films behind them. These aren't just depressing exercises in nihilism and boredom where unbathed, little shaven French waifs bemoan their lives in-between vicious shags and close ups of decaying road kill.

``I wanted to show films that are family-friendly for the most part, films I liked and that I thought other people would enjoy,'' Behr said, unfortunately disappointing those of us who can't get enough of films featuring hairy, unbathed, vicious shaggers and metaphorical close-ups of road kill. ``The films are more character driven. There's a perception that foreign films are much darker and more sexually explicit, and that may be true with some foreign films, but not the ones we're screening. These are really good, really fun movies. A lot of them have been nominated for Oscars and all of them are critically-acclaimed.''

You can see that in the upcoming slate, including tonight's flick, ``Beauty and the Beast,'' a fantastic fantasy film. On Feb. 5 the funny, clever, Oscar-winning romantic comedy ``Amelie'' will be shown. On March 5, it's another Oscar winner, the vibrant, thought-provoking ``La Vie En Rose.'''

``They're all excellent films that I think would be enjoyed by a wide variety of people,'' Behr said. ``There's no excessive violence or sex or anything that would potentially turn people off.''

The films are screened with subtitles. So don't worry about having to brush up on your high school French or Spanish. Or Russian or Japanese for that matter. However, keep the Pig Latin book close by, just in case she decides to bust out a film tribute to Bobby Brady. You never know.

``If we can get it started, maybe it'll keep going on a regular basis,'' Behr said. ``There is some interest. I think people just don't know what to make of it yet.''

What should they make of it?

``I just think it's a fun, upbeat, progressive thing for Geneseo,'' Behr said. ``I think there are a lot of people who think it's just old-fashioned out here, but it's a great community to live in, and I hope this adds to that.''

Oui, oui.

copyright 2008 Sean Leary / for more writing see www.seanleary.com

American Scientists Have Got Talent

2007-11-20T16:03:00.000-06:00

AMERICAN SCIENTISTS HAVE GOT TALENT

By Sean Leary

When it comes to singing, most of us are best served in our quest at vocal immortality by forgiving shower walls. Karaoke heroes have the advantage of typically serenading the inebriated. Even in the case of some "professional vocalists" the studio trickery of Pro Tools is what makes them pristine and listenable on record.

However, a day may not be too far off when every crooner is perfect. A day when singers are bred, not discovered.

No, this isn't about "American Idol."

However, it will likely spawn a reality TV show someday.

Recently, U.S. scientists discovered that one gene, or at most a handful of genes, may give people "perfect pitch" -- the ability to name the note of any sound. A three-year battery of tests led them down the genetic path, and now they're going to expand upon the hypothesis by gene mapping to look for which of the little buggers grants people that skill.

So let's jump ahead a bit.

Say they find that gene. Also, say we get to a point where scientists are able to manipulate a baby's genetics before it's born, or even conceived. What's to stop parents from custom ordering a baby with perfect pitch?

Let's jump it ahead a little more.

What if they find that other musical talents are likewise genetic? After all, don't scientists have enough evidence given the careers of Wilson/Phillips, Nelson and Julian Lennon?

Okay, maybe those aren't the best examples.

Tim Buckley, Hank Williams, Jr., and Rufus Wainwright. Can we all agree on those? Okay, good. Let's move on.

Once scientists map the genes for talents, such as singing, it'll be a hop to the left and a step to the right to a day when those talents will be able to be imprinted on a human being. And you know that some futuristic bionic yuppie is going to want little Murgadroid to be blessed with gifts to rival a renaissance man. Ergo, we'll see babies made to order, genetically engineered to be mini-Christina Aguileras. (Which will be really, really small because Christina Aguilera is not a tall girl.)

Hmmm.

That could lead to another interesting trend.

Now, imagine we get to the point where genetic engineering is so cheap and common that everyone can be imprinted to be a perfect singer. Before you know it, those smooth, unflappable notes will become commonplace. Mundane. Boring.

So then, in search of variety, people will go looking for singers who are flawed, imperfect. Warblers whose tin throats' distinctive din is a welcome, attractive change.

And on that day, as the karaoke bars are filled with note-perfect renditions of old Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston songs, televisions across the land will crackle with another sound.

That of TV host-bot RoboSeacrest 3000 saying, "And the winner of `American Idol' 2057 is... William Hung III!"

copyright 2007 Sean Leary / for more writing and stuff, see www.seanleary.com

LOOKING FOR MUSIC FOR FILM SOUNDTRACK!

2007-10-22T17:34:00.001-05:00

Things are coming along well with YOUR FAVORITE BAND. We've got 50 pages of the 108 page script pretty much done and ready to go in post; still adding details.

One of the details being added is background music, which means that yup, we're still looking for bands to send us their CDs. If you're interested in being on the soundtrack of our nationally-distributed film that will be sent to every festival in North America, send us your CD!

Send it to:

Sean Leary
My Verona Productions
PO Box 4533
Rock Island, IL 61201

We're also looking for photos of musicians as kids and teens -- pix of kids and teens with musical instruments, dressed as KISS characters for Halloween, etc. -- to be included in our opening credits montage and scene cards throughout the film.

I need you to send me your pics in high resolution color .jpg form. Email them to sleary@qconline.com.

Deadline to send me your discs and pix is Nov. 1.

The CDs are already starting to come in. Listened to a new disc I got today and I've already picked out 1-3 songs that we're going to use in the film. We're looking for primarily rock and alt-rock music, so send us your tunes!

Hope everyone had a great weekend, and have an awesome week!

Cheers...

Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back

2007-10-22T17:02:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Gabe Kaplan.

Been a while since I've been on this blog. I've pretty much been chatting it up on my MySpace blog, www.myspace.com/seanleary007.

But with my movie, YOUR FAVORITE BAND, about to be released in a month or so, I thought I should log back in and add this one to the chatter wheel, keep people in the loop on what's happening.

What's happening now is that I'm busy busy busy as usual. So this is going to be short and sweet.

But I'll be in touch. Keep an eye out...

COLUMN: If You're A Human Being, You'll Love This Column

2006-11-30T13:24:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the column for all carbon-based lifeforms.

If you breathe oxygen, this is the one for you.

And if you live on a planet, especially earth, well then, you've come to the right place.

Sorry, but I'm just following the new trend in advertising: Casting as absurdly wide a net as possible.

There used to be a time when products were advertised to a fairly specialized base. Each of them could be counted on to pander in their own unique way.

You'd have your commercials aimed at seniors where someone sincere who used to be on TV when it was still in black-and-white would give a testimonial to whatever product they were shilling. Said commercial ended with the person looking into the camera and intoning something to the effect of, "And you know why I, Wilfred Brimley, recommend Aunt Bea's Fiberrific Oatmeal? (Dramatic pause.) Because I eat it too."

Then there were the opposite extremes -- the ads aimed at kids and adolescents. You'd get loud music, quick cuts, scenes of people skateboarding off the rails at the grand canyon, some cute, acne-free twentysomethings posing as teens and a voice-over guy yelling the merits of NEW! EXTREME! INSAAAAAAAANE! CHEET-OS!

Somewhere in between you had ads aimed at guys (which usually featured attractive women, or athletes giving a testimonial) or ads aimed at women (which usually featured attractive athletes, or women giving a testimonial).

But somewhere along the way, marketers, in their zeal to lure in customers, started to get increasingly desperate -- and vague.

One automobile company markets its SUV/minivan/whatever they're calling their human transport right now as "the car for life."

The car for life. Because so many of those other cars are made for zombies, vampires, ghosts or the traditionally dead. I think most cars aside from the hearse are made for life, but maybe that's just me.

Then there's "the TV for men and women."

I'm really glad they finally made one of those. I'd grown tired of having to share the tube with my dogs, who tend to want to watch "Lassie" and Animal Planet over and over again. And those electronics companies were so arrogant about ignoring we humans as well. Heck, RCA even blatantly rubbed it in our faces by making sets that were tailored to specific canines -- Jack Russell terriers -- and then to completely chap us, they put two of the condescending mutts in their logo.

But it's not just big ticket items getting the universal net treatment.

I kid you not, this is a direct quote from the late night Colon Cleanse infomercial playing on TV right now: ``Anyone who has an intestinal tract, AND anyone who eats, needs to watch this!''

Now THAT'S called targeting a very specific market. Boy, there are demographers out there that are seething with envy after hearing that.

But there are always loopholes, and the hard-hitting questioners in the crowd of an infomercial can consistently be counted on to find them. I can imagine the exchange...

AUDIENCE MEMBER: ``Uhhh, yeah, uhhh, I have an intestinal tract, but I don't eat. I manufacture nourishment through photosynthesis. Is Colon Cleanse still for me?''

PROGRAM SHILL: ``Of course. Half-man, half-vegetable swamp things ALSO need to be detoxified on a regular basis.''

Cue star soaring across the screen trailing NBC Peacock rainbow bearing the slogan... ``The More You Know...''

Although in that case, perhaps the less you know, the better.

So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to end this column for all readers.

After all, I've got two jealous dogs to taunt and zombie hitchhikers to avoid.

FOR MORE WRITING SEE WWW.SEANLEARY.COM

COLUMN: The Demented Nature Of TV Censorship

2006-11-30T13:23:00.000-06:00

The true, demented nature of network censorship is about to be revealed.

Last week, A&E announced it's going to begin airing episodes of "The Sopranos" at 8 p.m. Wednesdays starting Jan. 10. It's a great move from a programming standpoint. A&E, which has a fairly good pedigree, gets one of the greatest dramas in the history of TV, and viewers who don't have HBO and haven't flipped for the DVDs finally get to see what everyone's been talking about.

But, of course, there is a dark side to the move. Almost immediately after the announcement, the chorus of unofficial TV censors began to speculate as to how much of the profanity, nudity and violence is going to be cut from the show. Since A&E is part of a basic cable package, it's got a wider general audience and more constraints in regard to its material, so snips have to be made.

I'm interested to see those results as well, although for another reason -- I think the final result is going to be a rather telling and sad comment on the way networks censor shows.

First off, in interest of setting the bar on my subjectivity, I admit I love "The Sopranos." It's routinely among my picks for the top 10 best shows on TV. I think it's expertly done. So I fully confess I'm biased.

Like "Sex in the City" before it, I think "The Sopranos" is going to confound critics who will say it can't work within the envelope. The show is ultimately about the writing and acting, and the plotlines and intrigue are going to hold intact enough to draw people in and keep them in the web.

That said, I agree it's inappropriate for kids or a general audience that may include more sensitive viewers. It's for adults, teens who are mature enough to handle it and people like me who go for harder edged entertainment. I understand the motivation to scrub it up.

What I don't agree with, however, is the hypocrisy and odd selective nature displayed by those making these things allegedly fit for a general audience.

What will they extract? Well, expect the expletives to be deleted, naturally; expect any nudity to be gone, of course; and expect most of the violence to remain exactly the same as it was when the series ran on HBO.

Huh?

Yup.

Odd as it seems, the track record of censoring questionable material on TV skews heavily in the direction of getting rid of language and sex but ignoring violence.

Just take a look at the shows on the top four mainstream networks. Look at all the crime shows, all the sequences where a dead body is found, or we see a villain doing some depraved act.

Those scenes, however raw and grotesque, are deemed okay because they're setting up the premise that the killer is bad, which is supposed to make viewers feel better about the good guys who catch him. The good guys that the viewers have to relate to in order for the show to maintain healthy audience numbers.

However, that narrative goal could still be achieved, and was for years, without the graphic nature of today's shows. So the reason for leaving violence alone goes beyond that motivation, and I'm not sure why. Is it because secretly the censors are more titilated by violence than sex and they, consciously or unconsciously, don't want to deprive themselves of that? Is it because, from a narrative standpoint, it's easier to handle the black-and-white aspects of violence than it is the subtleties of sexuality? Is it because they believe we as viewers need to have a vicarious release from the stresses of our lives and we find it through the violence of entertainment -- which actually then acts as a deterrent to future real acts on our parts because of that escape valve? Or is it something else entirely?

I don't know.

But I do know that when "The Sopranos" airs, as cleanly as it's going to be brushed, I would be shocked to see it stripped of any but its most graphic violence.

And when you think about it, there's something really disturbing about that.

FOR MORE WRITING SEE WWW.SEANLEARY.COM

COLUMN: Here Are A Few New Tricks For David Blaine To Attempt

2006-11-30T13:21:00.000-06:00

He's been buried alive.

He's been encased in a block of ice.

And just last week, he escaped from a moving gyroscope.

Yup, you can't say David Blaine hasn't attempted some death-defying stunts in his magical career. Every time you turn around the guy seems to be doing something that was last seen as a triple-dog-dare in a bar around closing time. A bar where all the guys from "Jackass" hang out.

But considering all he's put himself through, the question arises: What does he do for an encore? What challenges can he possibly take on now? What Herculean tasks can he face? What nigh-impossible goals can he strive to achieve?

Well, surprise, surprise, I've got a few suggestions of things he could attempt to do that would be really impressive to pull off:

* Convince Simon Cowell to be nice during the next season of "American Idol."

* Convince Randy Jackson to never again use the word "dawg" on "American Idol."

* Resurrect Britney Spears' career post-Federline.

* Give Kevin Federline a career post-Britney Spears. (This one would get him in the magician's hall of fame, I think.)

* Figure out the mystery of "Lost." And not just the deal with The Others -- that'll be easy to figure out -- but the secrets behind the smoke monster and the polar bears and the ghosts and...

* Get J.D. Salinger to release another book.

* Stop O.J. Simpson from ever releasing one.

* Teach Madonna how to act. And for a topper, teach her to act well enough to gather an Oscar nomination.

* Bring Paris and Nicole back together. And then, please, send them away. Far, far away.

* And then send the casts of pretty much every MTV reality show with them.

* Attempt to get Us Weekly to publish an issue of their magazine without any references to Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson.

* Attempt to get Rolling Stone magazine to publish a CD review of any project by Mick Jagger or the Rolling Stones and give it less than four stars.

* Get GQ to publish, for an entire year, a series of detailed apologies for naming Kevin Federline its Man of the Year 2005. Federline's pithy quotes as to why he believed he was given such an honor? "Because I'm Daddy, dude. I'm Daddy. (Expletive deleted), that's pretty much it."

Okay, come to think of it, it should be a decade of apologies.

* Get Axl Rose and whatever's passing for Guns 'N' Roses these days to finally release "Chinese Democracy." You know, before there actually is democracy in China.

* Give Michael Richards a career again -- one that doesn't involve a deep South barn tour with Richards co-headlining White Power rallies with the neo-Nazi band Prussian Blue.

* Make sure the last Harry Potter book lives up to the hype -- and keeps Harry alive at the end.

* Finally get the Academy to award Martin Scorsese with an Oscar statue for "The Departed."

* Just one more hit for KajaGooGoo, Toni Basil and Tone Loc.

* Get the president of the Quint-Cities Regional Doug Henning Fan Club to write a column about David Blaine.

Oops!

Dang.

Okay, one down, several more to go, Blaine...

FOR MORE WRITING SEE WWW.SEANLEARY.COM

The NEW! IMPROVED! ``The Nutcracker''

2006-11-21T02:06:00.000-06:00

"The Nutcracker."

It's been a holiday tradition since dinosaurs roamed the earth. Countless generations have grown up attending performances, millions of girls have pirouetted through its choreography and cajillions of people have walked away from its pomp and grandeur with one thought burning in their mind...

"Okay, that was really well done, but what the heck was it about?"

Saturday and Sunday, Ballet Quad Cities will perform its annual "Nutcracker" at Davenport's Adler Theater. Given the talented dancers and performers involved, it'll no doubt be a stunning artistic achievement enjoyed by a wide range of people.

But still, we'll have some confusion as to the tale behind the tutus.

Certainly, to your more suave, sophisticated viewer, this fog will seem little more than gauche ignorance.

But what about the average dude -- Joe Six-Pack? Or his thirstier older brother, Dave Twelve-Pack? How can we get them to relate to "The Nutcracker?"

That's right: By coming up with a NEW! IMPROVED! EASIER-TO-RELATE-TO "Nutcracker" ballet!

In the regular "Nutcracker"... the show begins at a Christmas party at the Stahlbaum estate. Godfather Drosselmeyer -- a skilled toymaker -- arrives and wows everyone with two life-size dolls, then proceeds to give lush presents to his Godchildren, Clara and Fritz. Clara's gift, a beautifully handcrafted Nutcracker, ticks off her jealous brother, who breaks it.

In the NEW "Nutcracker"... Drosselmeyer is an eccentric billionaire/ mad scientist/ mafia Godfather, and his two life-sized dolls are hit woman ninja fembots programmed to kill. Clara's present is Playstation 3, and the excellent new "NT-KRKR 4000" video game. Fritz gets a pack of matches and a half-empty bottle of Yoo Hoo. He freaks and breaks the game. The fembots then vaporize him with laser kitana swords.

In the real "Nutcracker"... Drosselmeyer fixes the 'cracker with a magic handkerchief. Once everyone falls asleep, at the crack of midnight, Clara shrinks and finds herself in a fix when her toys come to life. Led by the Nutcracker, they battle an army of mice, led by the evil Mouse King. The Nutcracker starts to get jacked but Clara saves him by hurling a shoe at the Mouse King and nailing him cold.

In the NEW "Nutcracker"... Drosselmeyer attempts to fix the game, but a freak explosion from its 1.21 jigawatt-fueled core bombards him and Clara with gamma rays that turn them into video game characters. It's kinda like a combination of "Tron" and "Land of the Lost." Aided by the cave boy Chaka, Jeff Bridges, Super Mario and a couple of thugs from "Grand Theft Auto San Andreas," they fight a bloodthirsty army of half-mouse, half-Sleestack mutants led by the creepy Burger King. Backed into a corner, facing their doom, they're saved by Random Task from the "Austin Powers" movies -- the deadliest man alive with a shoe.

In the real "Nutcracker"... The grateful Nutcracker turns into a Prince and takes Clara to an enchanted forest wonderland where they dance with snowflakes.

In the NEW "Nutcracker"... Random Task turns into Prince and takes Clara to Lake Minnetonka, where they dance to the music of Morris Day and the Time.

In the real "Nutcracker"... The Prince then escorts Clara to the Land of Sweets where they meet the Sugar Plum Fairy. Clara is rewarded for her bravery in saving the Nutcracker and is honored by a celebration of dances.

In the NEW "Nutcracker"... Prince, Clara, and the band go to Dave Chappelle's house, where they meet The Ghost Of Rick James, who's jamming with the Black Eyed Peas, Charlie Murphy and the Tri-Lamb band from "Revenge of the Nerds." Clara is rewarded for her bravery with a brand new PS3 and a handmade Nutcracker that looks like Lil' Jon.

In the real "Nutcracker"... Clara awakens from her dream and finds herself by her Christmas tree with her repaired and beloved Nutcracker.

In the NEW "Nutcracker"... Clara, a PS3 remote in her hand, awakens from her dream -- next to Kevin Federline.

"Sorry dude, I needed a place to stay," K-Fed says, looking over the room. "Hey, you gonna drink that Yoo Hoo?"

COLUMN: Tell Us Your Tale Of Christmas Quad-Cities Style

2006-11-13T23:54:00.000-06:00

The night before Christmas,
and all through the house,
not a creature will be stirring,
not even a mouse.

Why not?

Because they'll all be completely enthralled by the thrilling finale of The Dispatch and Rock Island Argus' Create-A-Christmas Story!

That's right, Christmas Eve will mark the publication of the final installment of our Create-A-Christmas Story, a chapter-a-week holiday tale written by you, the readers of this newspaper, with just a little help to get things started by yours truly.

Here's the deal: We want to create a holiday tale about the Quad-Cities and we want you to help us.

A few paragraphs below, I'm going to start a Christmas story. Between now and Monday night I want you to send me your entries for the next continuing segment of it. Your entries cannot be more than 300 words, they must be suitable for a family newspaper and they must be e-mailed to us by midnight Monday. They also have to have an open ending and have to be holiday-themed. Inclusion of Quad-Cities people, places or things is a plus.

Also, they can't make any mention of Kevin Federline.

Why? Well, I think we're all just sick of the guy.

Anyway, on Tuesday, I, and the Life department staff, will read over the entries and pick a winner for the first week. That part of the story will be added on to my intro below and the whole thing will be published next Thursday, on Thanksgiving Day.

Every week after that, we'll ask people to send us another installment. Same instructions, pretty much. They'll always have to be 300 words or less, they'll always have to have an open ending (except for the last installment, but we'll get to that later), they have to be family newspaper appropriate, etc. But after the Thanksgiving installment, the next part will run the following Sunday, Dec. 3, and installments after that will always run on Sundays leading up to Christmas Eve.

Employees of Quad-Cities area newspapers, including this one, are ineligible to enter. Pretty much everyone else is eligible. Except Kevin Federline. Again, sorry, we don't want to hear about Santa's trip to exotic "Papazou."

We encourage you to send us a high-quality color .jpg photo of yourself to be included with your entry, but it's not mandatory. Unless you're a unicorn, bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster or an alien. (Sly, huh?)

In addition to having your work in print, the winners each week will receive a two-pack of tickets to Great Escape Theaters in Moline.

All entries MUST be e-mailed in the body of an e-mail (no text attachments, please) to BOTH sleary@qconline.com and joepayne@qconline.com. Deadline for next week's submission is 11:59 p.m. Monday.

Sound good? Cool. Here are your opening paragraphs...

Santa couldn't help himself. He knew it was Christmas Eve. He knew he had presents to deliver. But he had to have a pumpkin shake from Whitey's ice cream.

With the reindeer and sleigh set to ``hover'' in a secluded cloud in Moline, St. Nick doffed his familiar duds, put on some jeans and a parka, and used his special elf-made anti-gravity shoes to glide downward to satisfy his ice cream jones.

A few minutes later, with a shake for himself, and peppermint ice cream sandwiches for the reindeer, he checked to make sure he wasn't being watched. Secure in his stealth, he whispered a prayer to St. Hubbins, clicked on his quality footwear and soared upward to the cloud.

Unfortunately, instead of finding his transport, he found himself in a bit of a quandry.

The sleigh, and all the reindeer, were gone.

Looking at his watch, and realizing there was a long night of work ahead -- even with the Einstein 3000 Time Machine attached to his sleigh -- he...

There you have it. Send us your continuation of the story, in 300 words or less, and it has to have an open ending for the next person to pick up the string.

I -- and the entire family the night before Christmas, ESPECIALLY the mouse (quite a voracious reader, that one) -- will be eagerly awaiting your entries.

COLUMN: ``Borat'' Exceeds Expectations

2006-11-08T14:43:00.000-06:00

Entertainment journalists can really make terrible fortune tellers.

For example, here's a headline from this week's Entertainment Weekly, about the new film "Borat":

"`Borat' on a Plane? Once again, online hype looks unlikely to translate into big-time box office. Can anyone make this work?"

And from the story below it, another quote:

"...the movie is reportedly tracking well behind its opening-weekend competition, `The Santa Clause 3.'"

Ahem.

If I was an EW editor, I wouldn't be making any trips to Vegas any time soon.

Judging by this past weekend's box office numbers, and as breathless headlines in next week's EW will likely trumpet, the proclamation of death for "Borat" was a wee bit premature.

The critically-acclaimed film starring Sacha Baron Cohen has emerged -- unlike the alluded to "Snakes on a Plane" which rode Internet hype to middling box office -- as a bonifide hit. Playing on only 837 screens nationwide (none of them in the Quad-Cities, but I'll get to that later) the movie averaged an amazing $31,607 per screen to nail down $26.5 million and the top spot in the box office over the weekend.

That "sure thing" called "The Santa Clause 3?"

On more than four times the number of screens as "Borat" -- 3,458 (including several here in the Quad-Cities, but I'll get to that later) -- Tim Allen's critically reviled recycler cobbled together $19.5 million, which sounds impressive until you consider that averages out to only $5,640 per screen.

Judging by the incredible Internet buzz for "Borat," great reviews and strong word-of-mouth, "Borat" could continue its reign this weekend. Reportedly expanding to show on 2,000 screens nationwide won't hurt.

Which leads me to the big question from film fans in town: Why didn't "Borat" come to the Quad-Cities last weekend?

Local theaters had been advertising the movie's opening Nov. 3 on their websites all the way up until midweek. It was so much of a sure thing that I talked about its arrival in town on my morning show gig on WQAD-TV8.

What happened?

Don't blame area theaters. They got jobbed.

According to sources at the theaters, and reports nationwide, "Borat" was scheduled to open here, and on hundreds of other screens, until its studio, Fox, decided to make a last-minute change and open on 800 rather than the planned 2,200 screens.

Given the reception for the film, Fox is probably kicking itself silly this week. With that added boost in distribution, the movie could've easily taken in a good $40 mil, which would've created an even bigger flurry of chatter -- i.e. free publicity -- about it.

Sure, Fox is still getting the buzz this week from irate moviegoers like me who have been looking forward to seeing "Borat" for a while. But it's not quite the same as having the film conveniently in a theater near you when the positive word comes down about it. Fox should still do well this weekend, but with a fat five new films also opening, how well is up in the air.

So, if Fox may have slipped, aside from Sasha Baron Cohen, who ends up being the big winner in this?

Universal Studios.

They won the auction to produce Cohen's next film, about his character Bruno (a regular on Cohen's hilarious TV series, "Da Ali G Show"), shelling out $42.5 mil for worldwide rights. Some of the other players in Hollywood scoffed at the price tag, saying it was folly for Universal. Now, it seems like a bargain.

Apparently we entertainment journalists aren't the only ones who make terrible prognosticators.

Hey, when's Osama being sentenced?

2006-11-06T17:43:00.000-06:00

Wow. Great news about that Saddam Hussein verdict. That was a real nail-biter. Didn't think that was going to happen.

So, I guess I speak for millions of Americans when I ask the question, When's Osama Bin Laden -- you know, the guy that actually attacked us on 9/11 -- being sentenced? How is his trial going? Is that slated to end soon?

Oh... yeah. That's right...

Is ``The OC'' Facing Its Final Montage?

2006-11-02T01:14:00.000-06:00

This is the end, my friend, my one and only friend, the end...

The creators of Fox TV's ``The OC'' could be singing that Doors song before the season is through -- and if things keep going in the current direction, the thought of singing it to one viewer may not be out of the question.

Whether or not that one viewer will be me is up in the air. ``The OC'' opens its fourth season tonight at 8 with the sword of Damocles over its head.

The show has been tanking in the ratings, its last season was a creative stinkeroo, and cast members have either fled (Mischa Barton) or are talking about fleeing (Rachel Bilson). If Bilson jets, look for her on-and-off-screen boyfriend Adam Brody to join her. And if they both depart, the show is done.

At this point, that's looking like a pleasant option.

Last year, it wasn't so much that the show jumped the shark as it strapped a giant rocket to its back and vaulted into orbit over an ocean full of sharks. The third season started off bad and slunk progressively worse until it ended in a finale that was supposed to be dramatic and shocking but instead seemed welcome and perfunctory. Barton's character Marissa, who was stuck in a repeated and boring pattern of stupid decisions, substance abuse and completely irrational romantic choices, finally bit the dust. Her death, like so much on the show last year, seemed throwaway and nonsensical. The wheeze and clang of plot gears turning was so loud you could barely hear the dialogue.

Likewise, the previews for this season premiere have a distinct
aroma to them.

In one plotline that promises to be incredibly engaging, Summer spends countless hours re-arranging her dorm room to get it just the way she likes it! Wow! But that's not the worst. No, the worst is seeing Ryan (Benjamin Mackenzie) engaging in -- I kid you not -- underground ultimate fighting matches.

Hmm. Realistic.

So, things aren't looking good.

It's unfortunate. It's a sad downfall for what started out as a surprisingly great show. The first two seasons of ``The OC'' were brilliant television, believe it or not. The writing had a certain genius to it. Not only were the creators presenting a well-written teen drama and adding layers of Aaron Spelling-ish melodrama to it, but they were also parodying the entire thing. They were playing it straight and playing it for laughs at the same time -- and that takes skill to pull off as well as they did. What ``Scream'' did for horror films, ``The OC'' did for its genre. It was self-aware without being annoying. And that's really, really difficult to do well -- as we learned in the subsequent ``Scream'' sequels and their countless imitators.

The show could still stage a resurrection the same way ``Beverly Hills 90210'' did. The latter was left for dead after a few of its key players left, but somehow the writers managed to weather a couple of clunky seasons and turn the corner by embracing the show's cornball, campy qualities and turning it into a hilarious cheesefest.

Goofy crudola like the ``Steve Sanders School of Swift Seduction;'' a dream sequence where Claire was on ``Jeopardy'' winning a date with a French stereotype wearing -- no joke -- a striped shirt and beret and carrying a baguette; and a tremendously, hilariously terrible plotline where David Silver became a ``shock jock'' made the show worth watching as a car wreck of ironic, campy humor.

The ``The OC'' is ripe for that kind of transformation. Let's face it, its days as a serious drama are long over, and its soap operatic possibilities have been pretty much extinguished. Its only chance is as a goofy dramedy.

Since that wry sense of humor is what made it interesting in the first place, you have to think the writers could pull it off. Can they? It bears watching to see.

For now.

PREVIEW: A Conversation With The Winter Blanket

2006-10-30T03:12:00.000-06:00

BIOBOX
What? The Winter Blanket, with Parish Festival
When and where? 10 p.m. Friday, RIBCO, The District, Rock Island
Website? www.blanketmusic.com, http://profile.myspace.com/parishfestival
Music online? Aside from the sites above, you can hear tracks from The Winter Blanket's latest CD at http://qconline.com/multimedia.

By Sean Leary
sleary@qconline.com

One of the most intriguing and creative bands to emerge from the Quad-Cities music scene over the last decade, The Winter Blanket stitch together a pleasing tapestry of folk rock, sophisticated melodic pop and dreamy, ornate soundscapes.

The group marks its sixth year together Friday with a show at RIBCO. But the celebration will be a bittersweet one, as it will be the last with its current lineup of Doug Miller (vocals, guitar, harmonica, piano), Stephanie Davila (vocals, guitar, lap steel, piano), Paul Blomquist (drums) and Kim Murray (bass). Future shows and albums will feature current Minneapolis natives Miller and Davila joined by fellow Minnesotans Todd Hansen on drums and Casio and Dave Campbell on bass, keyboards and vocals, replacing Quad-Citians Blomquist and Murray.

Recently, Doug Miller offered his perspectives on the switch, the band's career and its critically-acclaimed new CD, "Golden Sun."

Q: This will be the last show with the current lineup. What's the reason for the change?

A: We worked hard for six years to keep the original lineup together. The chemistry was excellent, we will remain best friends. It is not easy for an independent band to keep at it for six years when you only hope to break even. We all put several things on hold in our lives for this. Over the last two years, while we felt we were making our best music yet, we also felt the distance between Minneapolis and the Q-C was taking a toll on our abilities to improve as musicians. Great bands don't become great by practicing three or four times a year. Everyone saw it coming, it was the best thing for the future of the band. It was a difficult decision to make. ... Everyone thinks I started the band, but Kim and I formed The Winter blanket together, the two of us created the early demos. I've been playing with Kim since 1994, its hard to accept we will not play together anymore. Paul decided on the name of the band, I will miss him too, his humor got us through some tough times.

Q: Describe the new record for people who haven't heard it. What influenced the sound and what directions did you take musically?

A: We toured with Magnolia Electric Company a couple years ago, they were a huge influence on the latest direction. We also listened to a ton of Neil Young and Crazy Horse, Rolling Stones, Wilco. Neil Young's "On the Beach" specifically was very influential, so much so that there is sort of a tribute to it in one of the songs on "Golden Sun."

We decided to make a more band-oriented record since our last full-length, "Prescription Perils," was mostly acoustic and spare. We let the classic rock influence blend into our sound, music we grew up on and music I actually listen to.

Q: You worked with Brian Deck of Modest Mouse fame. How did that collaboration come about?

A: We just sent him some demos. We didnt necessarily assume it would lead to anything. It worked out great. His personality was perfect for us. I was a little intimidated at first, because the studio was so pristine and professional and Brian is really well-known and respected. I think we benefited from stepping it up a notch.

Q: You've also worked with Alan Sparhawk of Low in the past. How does it feel to be creating work with artists who were early influences? And who would you like to work with in the future?

A: Working with Alan was very important for us in the beginning. I needed to work with a friend who wouldn't put too much pressure on me. On those first two records I was still figuring a lot of things out, more so than anyone else in the band. Working with him in Duluth was really low key and the city is really inspiring. The Low connection helped us get our foot in the door. Nowadays I rarely bring it up as we have worked to create our own identity. In the future I would like to work with JD Foster who has recorded several Richard Buckner records and we have a friend in Portland who plays with M Ward, id like to work with him too. It might be cool to work with the Calexico guys down in Tucson as well. It is great to be in the company of all these influences, sometimes I have to step back and realize how many cool things we have been a part of, it makes me happy.

Q: If someone has never seen you before, describe what they can expect from a Winter Blanket show?

A: We are not as serious, quiet, and slow as people might tell you. We have those moments, but you will see us play a set with a lot of diversity and dynamic changes. For this show we will play material from all of our records as well as a couple unique covers. Imagine Townes Van Zandt and Cat Power playing with Crazy Horse, that is sort of what we sound like.

Q: What are the future plans for the band?

A: We held back some songs from this new record that we plan to record again and we also have several new songs in the works. We plan to make and release a new full length in 2007 and we will tour in support of "Golden Sun" this Spring, West Coast and East Coast. We have a tentative agreement with a new label, but we will also shop around a little.

The Plan... For ``Speed Of Sound''

2006-10-30T02:16:00.000-06:00

You know what makes God laugh?

When you make a plan.

But nonetheless, I think the Big Guy will let this roll. Here's my, er, intention for posting, this week:

* Monday or Tuesday I'll post a prelude to my upcoming Novel In A Month effort, ``Speed Of Sound.'' It'll have the ground rules for the novel and sort of give you a flavor of it, and what to expect.

* Wednesday or Thursday I'll post the first chapter of ``Speed Of Sound'' on this blog as well as on my MySpace blog, www.myspace.com/seanleary007 and the ``Speed of Sound'' blog. Feel free to read it in any place, and as with all the chapters feel free to comment.

All for now. Hope you've all had a great weekend!

Best wishes,

Sean

FEATURE: Bluebox Trades Big Screen For Bigger One For ``Bride''

2006-10-30T02:07:00.000-06:00

What? Bluebox Limited's `The Bride Wore Blood'
When and where? 7:30 p.m. Saturday, Nov. 11 at the Putnam Museum IMAX Theater, 1717 W. 12th St., Davenport.
Tickets? $7, available in advance by calling (563) 324-1933
Website? www.blueboxlimited.com.
Quick hit: Bluebox Limited -- Bettendorf duo Bryan Woods and Scott Beck, both 22, has produced 18 short films and four features. In 2004 they were finalists in the Project Greenlight and MTV-U Best Film On Campus competitions. In 2005, they won the latter.

By Sean Leary
sleary@qconline.com

Local filmmakers Bluebox Limited have swapped the big screen for the even bigger one.

In December 2005, the Bettendorf duo of Bryan Woods, 22, and Scott Beck, 22, grabbed first prize in the MTV-U Best Film on Campus Contest. In addition to a development deal with MTV Films (more on that later), the pair won a 42" plasma HDTV.

However, true to their real passion, filmmaking, they decided to sell the TV on eBay -- in order to raise money for two new films.

One of the pictures, a documentary on Italian director Pupi Avati, is still in production. The other, "The Bride Wore Blood," will debut next weekend on a far larger screen -- the IMAX in Davenport. The PG-13 flick is a contemporary western about a bounty hunter hired to protect a bride-to-be. However, when secrets from the past break open, a deadly mystery unfolds.

The film features an all-local cast and crew and its original score was composed by Scott Morschhauser and performed by The Metrolites. It's already garnered 10 award nominations from the Wild Rose Independent Film Festival.

Recently, Scott Beck took time out of his busy schedule to answer a few of our questions about the new film and the future of Bluebox.

Q: What led you to do a contemporary western?

A: I think it all starts from the idea that we want to try new things and not lock ourselves into one certain tone or genre. I think it's important to push yourself and work in new ways, and the western genre certainly gave us this chance. Both Bryan and I had an interest in doing a western and part of that stemmed from meeting Scott Morschhauser. He's an avid fan of spaghetti westerns and loves the music of Ennio Morricone and that really rubbed off on us. So in a strange way, it almost feels like we the made the movie so he could score it.

Q: What artists influenced you in embarking upon this project, and during it?

A: Sergio Leone's films were a great inspiration, just because of their boldness and great characters and landscapes. His scenes are just extremely powerful through visuals, and so as directors, Bryan and I sort of approached this film as an exercise in directing like that. However, Leone is the obvious influence, as his westerns are some of the most popular of the genre. There are so many other artists who we have learned from, and every little bit has helped us in storytelling. The story and the characters are revealed in a non-chronological way, so the audience discovers more at the same time as the characters, so I guess even films like Billy Wilder's "Witness for the Prosecution" and Chris Nolan's "Memento" have left their mark with us.

Q: What was the origin of this script in particular and how did it evolve?

A: The film all stemmed from us waiting for our development deal with MTV to go through negotiations. Things had taken some time, and we decided to just go ahead and make another film. We had been writing screenplays for the last year-and-a-half, but hadn't directed anything in a while, so we said "Let's do this, let's make another movie." Well, the script was originally about five to 10 pages and it was going to take us a couple days to shoot it. But eventually, after revisions and everything, it turned into 30 pages. Then when we got to shooting, it took about 16 days and the final cut of the film runs about an hour.

Since we thought the production was originally only going to take a couple days, we wrote the parts for actors we had worked with before. We knew their strengths, weaknesses, and logistically speaking, we knew their time schedules. It was great to work with familiar faces, because it was a comfortable atmosphere, and it was fun to challenge each other to do the best we all could do.

Q: How do you feel this film is an evolution for your style, and how do you see it informing future work?

A: I don't think Bryan and I could even see a "style" in our work, if it's even present. I guess if there is a style, it probably revolves around the fact that we care about our characters, our visuals, and we try to bring something interesting to the table. I mean, our last two films were all about characters. "Her Summer" is kind of a ghost story, suspense film, but it's really about its characters. "University Heights" is the same way, only in more obvious ways. So I guess we like showing people with three-dimensions, and in "The Bride," it's all based around moral judgments and people who shield their past.

Q: What gave you the idea to sell the TV to raise funds?

A: There was no question about whether or not I was going to keep the TV. It was sold before I even won it! Honestly though, we entered the mtvU Best Film on Campus contest to win that development deal and sell the TV so we could fund movies. There's been some other contests that we have entered where the prizes have been cars or something expensive like that, but we've only entered those contests to sell the prize and use the money for films. So when I got the HDTV delivered, I immediately put it on eBay and sold it to the highest bidder. And luckily, we got some good money for it, so it was able to fund "The Bride," which turned out to be our most expensive film to date. It's like this -- if either Bryan or I won the lottery, we'd spend millions on making a movie here in the Quad-Cities, no question about it.

Q: How did the collaboration with The Metrolites come about, and how did
that work out for you?

A: Scott Morschhauser contacted us in early 2005 about doing soundtrack work, so we met and just discussed our interests and what we were doing and what we wanted to do. Of course we listened to The Metrolites "In Spy-Fi" CD and loved that, and Bryan and I were really interested in working with Scott. Over time, we just kept in touch and he worked on themes, and eventually, when Bryan & I decided to make "The Bride," we approached Scott about doing the score and he was definitely in.

It was a great experience, and the spaghetti western genre was a perfect fit for Scott, since he's a big fan of those films. The nice thing about working with Scott, is that he really understood the script from day one. He was always on the same page as us and he knew what direction we wanted. Bryan and I are incredibly happy with the final result.

Q: What is the status of the MTV deal? What are the snags, and when do you see it coming to fruition?

A: Paramount and MTV Films were recently restructed, so that has slowed things down a bit. Regardless, things are still on track and they're definitely good. We're still in the negotiation phase, so it may still take a couple months, but things should be happening soon.

Q: If the mtv deal comes through, what do you want to work on for them, and what timeline do you have for doing so?

A: We have several projects we'd like to do for them, and those projects, of course, will fit into MTV Films' material, but at the same time, Bryan and I will want to keep things fresh and unique. The timeline is dependent on the contract negotiations.

Q: What projects will you be working on next? Ideally, what do you want to do next?

A: We have a ton of projects that we want to do, and they vary from horror films to comedies. I think it'd be fun to work on a comedy, since we haven't really ventured into that direction yet. There are so many different stories that excite us, so after "The Bride," we're going to have to sit down and figure out where to go from there. Personally, I know there are about four stories that I'm really excited about exploring, and beyond that, there are more than 10 that are a little less developed, but still really intriguing.

Q: In the past you've been influenced by filmmakers like M. Night Shymalan and Alexander Payne. What directors do you feel have had the biggest influence on you, how do you see that in your work, and who is currently among your list of influences or directors you admire?

A: It sounds obvious, but any good director is an influence and more importantly, a teacher. Payne, Cameron Crowe, Wilder, Hitchcock, Buster Keaton, Woody Allen, Zemeckis; they're all equally important, even though they span genres and time periods. Payne really cares about his characters, and that's something that has stuck with me. His characters aren't just black and white, but they're real people. Payne really has a knack for taking away the glossed, overglamorized look and feel to Hollywood movies, and portraying real life on screen.

One director I incredibly admire is the French filmmaker Jacques Tati. He only made a handful of films in his life, but they're among the best films I have ever seen. They're so full of life and comedy. One of Tati's last films and biggest failures (at the time), "Playtime," is one of my favorite films of all time. In fact, the script was over 400 pages long, and he had memorized every single page -- that's how much he loved and cared about his film. That's something that really inspires me to do better as a filmmaker.

Q: What genre haven't you done that you would really like to do, and why haven't you tackled it yet?

A: A comedy. A lot of my favorite films are comedies, or at least are films with humor in them. I'm not sure why I haven't tackled it yet. I'm not interested so much in a laugh-a-minute, over-the-top comedy, but something along the lines of "Annie Hall," "Elizabethtown," or "Election." Although, I recently watched Billy Wilder's "One, Two Three," and that's an over-the-top comedy that really delivered and was masterfully directed. Regardless, some of the projects on the backburner are comedies, so it'll happen soon.

Q: You've talked about staying based in the Midwest regardless of how things pan out with the MTV deal. Is that still the plan, and why or why not?

A: It's definitely the plan. The Midwest and the Quad-Cities is just a great place to make movies. Since movies are a rare commodity around here, film production is exciting, so you get a lot more people interested in helping. We've said this a lot and we mean it -- there's tons of talent around the region. Bringing a large scale production to the area is still a goal for Bryan and me. There are tax incentives in the works for film productions in Iowa, and we're really hoping the bill gets passed, as it would be a huge boost for the many filmmakers throughout the state. That would also make it easier to get bigger productions back in the area that would boost the state's economy and in turn, make Iowa a bigger player in the film industry.

Q: How did the documentary on the Avatis come about? What's it going to be called, what does it cover, and when is it coming out?

A: Bryan and I were on the set several days while the Avatis were shooting in the Quad-Cities. We shot footage both for ourselves and for the Italian RAI Television channel, which will be producing their own behind-the-scenes documentary. Their documentary will probably accompany the release of the film next year. As far as our documentary, we're kind of on hold, as we want to wait until the release of "The Hideout" (the Avatis' latest film, which was shot in the Quad-Cities earlier this year) and see how it does and if there will be any more to our documentary's "story." There's many different directions we can take the documentary in, but we've discussed the idea of two young filmmakers from Iowa learning from two master filmmakers from Italy.

Q: How do you feel about what you've accomplished so far?

A: I always feel like there is more that I could be doing to further myself. I'm grateful for all of the opportunities and things that have come our way, but there's always this feeling that I should have accomplished more by now. There's a long road ahead and the film industry is a tough one, so it takes a lot of hard work and persistence. Bryan and I have always known this and we're ready to tackle it, so we're always more focused on the future than the past.

COLUMN: No, Really, I Didn't Sleep With Ashlee Simpson Either

2006-10-30T01:54:00.000-06:00

No, really, I didn't sleep with Jessica Simpson.

Nope, I didn't make the beast with two backs with her sister Ashlee.

And no, while I wasn't having sex with either of the Simpson sisters I wasn't spending my time watching James Blunt explain his song "Beautiful" on "Oprah" either.

I feel the need to deny these scurrilous rumors because of a few responses to my Oct. 19 column. To recap: I noted denying libidinous congress with Jessica had become the hot new thing in Hollywood, so I wanted to do the same, to join the club. Then I joked about having a lascivious relationship with her sister Ashlee. I also made mention of some creepy-sounding lyrics in "Beautiful."

Within 48 hours I had gotten about a dozen calls and e-mails about those topics. Most were positive. A couple didn't quite understand I was just kidding. And some helpfully wanted to explain the meaning of "Beautiful" to me.

The majority of the comments were anonymous, all were from females (or people who sounded like females) and most were made in a spirit of fun, particularly those from people that got the jokes but nonetheless wanted to inform me of certain facts in regard to Mr. Blunt.

In the song, as you'll remember, Jimmy Boy mentions seeing a gorgeous girl from a distance and then spends the rest of his three or four minutes singing about how she's invaded his thoughts, sadly crooning how he'll never be with her and, at one point, saying that's okay because he's "got a plan." My comment was that I hoped the plan didn't involve any of the techniques used by serial killer Buffalo Bill in "Silence of the Lambs."

Again, I was kidding around. It's kinda what I do around these parts on a weekly basis. But I was also sorta seriously curious about what the whole "plan" part of the song was about.

Not anymore.

Several readers -- all but one of whom were very, very nice, fun and complimentary otherwise -- called to tell me that Blunt was on "Oprah" recently divulging the meaning behind the song. It seems that it's not about some random woman he saw, but about an ex-girlfriend he eyed long after their breakup, and the residual feelings he had about the encounter. Ergo, the strong sentiments being uttered. But I still don't get the line about having a plan. Does that mean he's got a plan to get her back, or what?

Perhaps it's best not to put too much energy into these things.

Unless, of course, the ex James is singing about is Jessica or Ashlee Simpson. Then I've really got some serious issues to contemplate, and James is going to have to deal with one anonymous Quad-Citian who seems very defensive of those Simpson girls.

In fact, when she called me, she was pretty annoyed that I would claim to have had relations with either Simpson sister.

"I just don't think it's a good idea to mislead people like that," she said.

Huh?

I suppose I should be flattered that someone would actually, seriously think that a Quad-Cities entertainment writer could have enough pull to score with either of the Simpson sisters.

Flattered, or somewhat frightened.

So, like John Mayer, Adam Levine, Johnny Knoxville, et al, I guess I really do have to say, seriously, I have never had sex with either Jessica or Ashlee Simpson. The column implying a relationship with either was merely a joke. Really. I was just kidding.

Besides, I am very happily involved with a great woman.

No, not Morgan Fairchild.

Angelina Jolie.

What, you thought all those stories about her and Brad Pitt were true?

You've got to quit believing everything you read.

REVIEW: Def Leppard And Journey Prove They've Still Got It Live

2006-10-30T01:50:00.000-06:00

MOLINE -- It's no secret the Top 40 chart heydays of Journey and Def Leppard are long in the rear-view mirror. While both bands have had brushes with invading the zeitgeist again recently -- Journey with its associations with the 2005 White Sox and the Fox TV show "The OC," Def Leppard with a successful Greatest Hits CD last year -- neither is making TRL's flavor of the month sweat the Sunday song countdowns.

However, in the concert arena, it's quite another matter.

Both bands proved they've still got the goods during a high-energy, three-hour plus show Friday night at The Mark of the Quad Cities. Girded by a bevy of familiar smashes from Reagan era, still performed with the vitality of yesteryear, the groups thrilled a crowd of roughly 8,000.

Journey jump started the night, taking the stage to torrents of applause. In all honesty, I was never a big Journey fan back in the day. I liked some of their songs, but overall I was fairly ambivalent to them.

After seeing them live, however, my estimation of them has risen quite a bit.

The group attacked its familiar hits with amazing energy and its musicianship -- in particular the guitar brilliance of Neal Schon and the keyboard expertise of Jonathan Cain was incredible.

Backed by a relatively simple stage set-up and gigantic video screen, the group put the onus on the music to excellent effect. Power-packed takes on "Ask The Lonely," "Wheel In The Sky" and especially the jazzy "I'll Be Alright Without You," had the feel of a good, old episode of "Don Kirshner's Rock Concert."

"Chain Reaction" went into meltdown with atomic guitar solos. An army of lighters flicked upward and swaying fans joined in on "Lights." A nicely understated "Open Arms" garned a well-deserved standing ovation. And the grungy, bluesy vengeance anthem "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'," likewise kept fans geared up.

A montage of backstage clips encapsulating the band's career lent a warm touch to the uplifting "Faithfully" and seemingly everyone in the crowd was up and singing along with a one-two punch of "Don't Stop Believin'" and "Any Way You Want It," which ended the regular set on a volcanic high. The group's 90 minutes closed on an equally stellar "Separate Ways."

Def Leppard, a group I've been a fan of since I was in junior high, and the act I'd really wanted to see, actually paled in comparision through the first half-hour or so of its set, which was heavy on ballads and mid-tempo tracks.

However, once the group really cranked into rock mode, it quickly made up for any lost momentum.

The act's evening started with a cheesy, fun video of speakers going up to 11. A burst of flame erupted from the back of the stage and the group slammed into the heavy voltage "Let's Get Rocked."

A stretch of slower songs was nicely done, but led to a pressure drop for the next 20 or so minutes. Nonetheless, there were some highlights. The ominous, jangling melody of "Foolin'" erupted into a thick forest of sinister guitars and the similarly structured "Bringin' On The Heartbreak" chugged into its chorus on bulging, choppy waves of sound.

Appropriately enough, the set seemed to ignite with the launch of "Rocket." Slashing guitars and strolling rhythm leapt into a chorus that thundered throughout The Mark with the vocal addition of almost 8,000 strong.

The same sonic effect electrified "Photograph." While the vocal mix was a little down, the blistering guitar riffs were killer and the audience's roaring accompaniment made it a highlight.

Even a muddy vocal couldn't stop "Armageddon It," with its massive guitar attack, pesky hook and undeniable slam of percussion.

And after lead singer Joe Elliot psyched up the crowd with an audience participation bit that got them screaming along, the band re-emerged for a whipped up "Rock Of Ages" that bashed through the arena, throwing the concert up to 11 with bruising guitars and a rowdy sing-along.

Although deadline pressures precluded me from seeing the end of the show, what I took in impressed me, and likewise seemed to impress the thousands of fans in attendance.

So, let the kids dominate the pop charts. Journey and Def Leppard -- not to mention their fans -- are still happy with a success of greater resonance, the lasting ability to bring it on the live stage.

REVIEW: Blue Man Group Colors Fans' World

2006-10-30T01:47:00.000-06:00

MOLINE -- Part Devo, part Pink Floyd, part ostensible tribute to Boo Berry, The Blue Man Group has splashed a unique indigo stain across the pop cultural canvas since its origin in New York City in the late '80s.

Its latest performance piece, The How To Be A Megastar Tour 2.0, touched down at The Mark of the Quad Cities Wednesday night. Amusing, amazing and ambitious, the two-hour show colored the worlds of close to 7,000 fans.

Offering a kaleidoscope of music, video, performance, props, sound, lighting and vibrant colorscapes, the gig sparked to life with a video featuring "Saturday Night Live" actor Fred Armisen as "Rod Popeil," pitching "How To Be A Megastar" DVDs, promising to teach anyone how to become a massive celebrity.

Suitably intrigued, the three Blue Men grabbed a phone and dialed to order. Upon being prompted for a credit card, the trio slowly descended from the stage and picked through the audience, eventually plucking a man out of his seat, bringing him back on stage for the bit and taking his credit card to punch the number into the phone, bringing peals of laughter from the crowd.

After the DVD was apparently delivered via invisible, time-traveling courier, the Blue Men instantly began getting instructions and running through the program, which included a funny satirical run through typical celebrity behavior. What was even more entertaining -- and somewhat ironic -- is that it also ran through typical audience behavior, which was then parroted by the crowd.

Not that the Blue Men weren't deserving of the adulation.

Cool, rotoscoped videos telling a story of various city-dwellers seeking to "find their multi-colored souls" accompanied many of the pieces, which, honestly had to be seen to be believed. Words do not do them justice.

During "Up To The Roof," featuring singer Tracy Bonham, the show's subplot was laid out as the Blue Men banged out percussive elements on massive constructions of white PVC pipes. A gigantic, day-glo fishpole-thingee was whooshed around as part of a theramin-style instrument during "Sing Along." Rainbow-colored blobs and daunting facts about the deluge of technology inundating society zipped across screens around the stage during the stew of gloopy melodies and jittery rhythms in "Your Attention."

In one of the most unbelievable stunts, two Blue Men stood about 30-40 feet away from the third as the latter chucked ping-pong ball-size dye packets into the mouths of the other duo. The two then used them to spit-paint designs -- including an incredibly-executed spiral -- onto canvases.

On the music side, plenty of well-known covers were given the Blue Man treatment. A medley of Devo's "Whip It" and Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train" led into an improbable and hilarious "Free Bird" that brought roars from the crowd. And an alien take on The Who's "Baba O'Riley" climaxed with a rain of golden streamers fired over the audience.

Was it a rock concert? Was it a performance art piece apeing a rock concert? Actually, it was a little of both. But what was most important to those at the gig was that it was fun, it was a spectacle. Regardless of any subtext or the show's driving narrative, one thing is clear -- the Blue Men need little instruction in how to entertain.

COLUMN: No, Really, I Didn't Sleep With Ashlee Simpson Either

2006-10-27T03:16:00.000-05:00

Take The Challenge: Join The Q-C November Novelists Group!

2006-10-25T01:12:00.000-05:00

It was a dark and stormy night.

It was a short and interesting article in Writer magazine.

It was an intriguing and formidable proposal being presented in said story -- one that offered the possibility for a lot of fun over the next month for me, and any of you that want to join me.

And hey, at the very least you'll get a free cup of coffee out of it.

November is National Novel Writing Month. The goal is for writers to pen an entire 50,000 word novel in the span of its 30 days. It's a daunting task, one that under the best circumstances would end in an extremely rough draft of a (hopefully) passable story. The most anyone could hope for is to get everything down so he or she could begin the arduous revision process of shaping that giant lump of coal into something resembling a diamond.

However, in the spirit of the month, that's the challenge I'm going to undertake and I invite you to do the same as part of the Quad-Cities November Novelists Group.

I set up the QCNNG to provide an online meeting place and support system for local writers embarking upon the novel-in-a-month quest. I thought it would be cool to have a spot where scribes could go to check out each other's progress, offer words of encouragement and commiserate if need be.

Anyone taking the literary plunge is invited to join. Just go to http://groups.myspace.com/qcnovembernovelists. Or you can go to www.seanleary.com and click on the "One Novel In One Month" icon and it'll take you there. Don't worry about being criticized or run down for your efforts. The group is there to provide a safe haven for writers zooming through a tough task where quantity will often surpass quality just by the nature of the beast. Any harsh or negative comments will be deleted.

Throughout November, authors are invited to post their work, read others' work or just stop in, and hopefully by December we'll all be nearing the completion of some great stories -- tales that will then have the opportunity to find an audience.

Sometime in December or early 2007, I'm going to set up a reading party for the QCNNG, and anyone who's interested in joining us, at the Coffee Artist Cafe, 1711 5th Ave., Moline. Writers from the group will be invited to read excerpts of their work if they desire, and I'll buy the first round of java for any QCNNG member that attends, no matter whether or not you do a reading. Even if you aren't a member of the group, you can stop by and listen to the stories. I'll announce the date in a future column.

As for my own progress in penning 50,000-plus, regardless of whether you're creating a novel of your own or not, you're welcome to check that out online.

I was torn over which idea to tackle, so over the last week, I asked the readers of my blog to vote on the novel they wanted me to do. The choices were a science-fiction thriller, "Animal Magnetism," about alien-human hybrid super-soldiers on the hunt for a mutant serial killer; and a comedy-drama-romance-road trip saga, "Speed Of Sound," about a mismatched couple that meets as both of them are on cross-country journeys. One is "The X-Files" mixed with "Coast To Coast AM," the other is Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" crossed with Richard Linklater's "Before Sunrise."

The winner, by a complete landslide, was "Speed Of Sound."

If you're so inclined, you can read my progress at www.myspace.com/speedofsoundnovel. You can also connect to that link from the "Speed of Sound" icon at www.seanleary.com. I hope you enjoy reading it.

And I hope I'm not the only one you're reading. Aspiring authors, the QCNNG is waiting for you.

COLUMN: I Categorically Deny Having Sex With Jessica Simpson

2006-10-19T12:28:00.000-05:00

It's almost Halloween, and I've got a grab bag of tricks and treats commentary on recent pop culture for ya -- and not a popcorn rock in the bunch. Here ya go...

* The recent hot thing to do seems to be denying any sexual relations with Jessica Simpson. Johnny Knoxville did it. Bam Margera did it. John Mayer did it. Adam Levine did it. So, not to be left behind, I would like to say, on the record, that I have not had sex with Jessica Simpson.

Now, Ashlee Simpson on the other hand... whoh. No comment. At least until the tape hits.

* Nicole Richie feuded with CNN recently when the 24-hour cable network ran an item saying that Richie had entered into rehab for an eating disorder. Apparently, she hadn't. But the bigger question that should be answered is, why the heck is CNN running ANYTHING on Nicole Richie? Isn't there, like, NEWS going on in the world that they should be devoting their time to?

Answer: Yes.

* By now most everyone who has listened to the radio for more than an hour this year has heard James Blunt's song "Beautiful." And most people, particularly most female people, are united in thinking it's a wonderfully romantic ballad. However, has anyone else caught the kinda creepy undercurrent to it that makes the narrator of the song seem like a serial killer-in-waiting?

For the three of you who haven't heard it, the singer talks about seeing a beautiful, random girl in public and instantly falling in love -- or at least lust -- with her. Then he talks about the tragedy of never being with her since he's with someone else and she's with someone else, etc. But then he sings a line about it being all good because he's "got a plan."

Hmm... what exactly is this plan, and does it involve a deep pit, a dog named Precious and the line "It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again?" Just wondering.

* Local filmmaker JR Tschopp has posted a hilarious new comedy-horror flick online just in time for Halloween. ``Night of the Living Bed Sheets'' (the name just cracks me up) is available for viewing, along with JR's other work, at www.youtube.com/silentts.

* Speaking of creepy flicks, for a gruesomely intriguing Halloween experience, check out www.mysteryatmansfieldmanor.com. The online, live-action murder mystery film plays out like a combination of a video game and an episode of Clue, with you at the helm interrogating suspects in a murder and ultimately making an arrest. Looking at the site, it reminded me a bit of our local It's A Mystery troupe, which does interactive murder mysteries.

With Mansfield Manor, you pay $7 for four days' access to the site. That gives you the time to log on and solve the murder of oil industrialist Colin Mansfield Sr. (although, let's face it, given gas prices I think the site could get $10 from people if they had the chance to off him themselves), doing so through the eyes of the lead character, Detective Frank Mitchell.

You interrogate suspects, follow tips and basically journey through it the same way you would a role-playing video or board game. It's cool, unique and fun for the price of a two-hour movie. Give it a go.

Well, everyone but you, James Blunt. We don't want to give you any more ideas.

COLUMN: Local Bass Player's Road From Alleman To ``The Tonight Show''

2006-10-12T01:05:00.000-05:00

It's a good thing Greg Hayes' friends needed a bass player.

Back in the late '70s, a local rock group was looking to complete their rhythm section. Enter Hayes. The then-12-year-old born and raised in Moline picked up the instrument for the first time, just for fun, to finish the act.

You could say he's done pretty well with it.

Thirty years on, it's become his ticket to a national TV gig.

Hayes, better known in the music world by his nickname "Klem," will perform with country act Chris Young on this evening's "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno" (airing at 10:30 on KWQC-TV6).

It's not the first national TV spot for Hayes. Nor is it his first brush with fame. Since the mid-'80s the 1982 Alleman grad perhaps best known locally as a member of the excellent Dick Holiday and the Bamboo Gang has toured the world with various acts from Survivor to Buddy Guy. He performed with Michael McDermott on "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" in 1995. And he's been a backup musician for the USA Network's "Nashville Star" competition (think a country music version of "American Idol") since 2005.

Young, who was signed to an RCA recording deal for winning the event, released his self-titled debut CD Tuesday. The "Tonight Show" appearance is part of a lengthy promotional tour backing up the record and Young's hit single, "Drinking Me Lonely," which the band will play tonight.

"We're out on tour for about three months," Hayes said. "The winner and three runners up go out. I got onto the show because the manager of Dick Holiday, Kyle Gustie, has a production company and among their products is the tour for `Nashville Star.'

"Frankly, I've tried to just not think about (`The Tonight Show') a whole lot," Hayes laughs. "I've played the song scores of times, but it's just one of those things where you don't want to have a mental trip and fall, a senior moment, on network television. But yeah, I'm very much looking forward to it.

"It'll be great to meet (Jay Leno)," Hayes said. "When you do something like that it's such a big production and a big deal, so it's just an exciting thing in and of itself. I'm just looking forward to getting through the song without laying in a puddle of my own flop sweat. For me, that would be a win."

He's kidding, of course. The chances of a seasoned pro like Hayes choking in the spotlight are pretty much slim and none.

It'll be a hectic week for the musician. He called me en route to Kansas City, where the band was playing Tuesday night. Wednesday they flew to Los Angeles to rehearse and tape the show this afternoon, and then they'll leave Burbank tonight to go to Atlanta, hop a bus to Greenville, to head to Tampa, and then on to Nashville. It's pretty much non-stop, Hayes says.

"It's just a lot of fun though," he said.

Hayes' mother still lives in Moline and he returns to the area as often as he can, he says. With Dick Holiday reuniting recently and planning on performing at area clubs, his homecomings will likely be more frequent.

But don't plan on him staying in one place too long. He's got too much going on. He still plays with former Survivor lead singer Jim Peterik's band and he'll be doing "a lot of recording with a lot of songwriters and bands," he says.

"It's really anything and everything," Hayes said. "I've been really fortunate and blessed to have a pretty good volume of work and it's been regular. And quite likely I'll continue with Chris as well -- depending on how `The Tonight Show' goes."

Bet on it going just as well as the rest of his three-decade long career.

COLUMN: Let Steve Irwin Rest In Peace

2006-10-04T03:08:00.000-05:00

Enough already.

Enough picking over the bones of Steve Irwin.

There are tributes and then there are gruesome, voyeuristic and borderline cruel exploitation pieces, and I'm seeing a lot more of the latter lately.

With the latter, the question begs to be asked: What's the point? Isn't there enough actual news in the world to report on?

Don't get me wrong, this isn't a slam on Steve Irwin. Just the opposite. From all reports, Irwin seemed like a great guy, a decent human being with positive intentions. His shows, films and TV appearances were educational and entertaining and he was one of those larger-than-life people it was difficult to dislike. He was too earnest, too purely jovial.

That's why it's sad we've had to endure seeing the fresh wound of his wife's heartbreak ripped open and poked repeatedly by a series of stories that reek more of vulture journalism than honest eulogy.

Thankfully, far more stories have been respectful, but the ambulance-chasing minority have a distinct stench to them that continues to linger.

Initial news coverage was obligatory. He was a well-known figure. His death was newsworthy. It needed to be mentioned. Overall, it was covered quite well. By now, everyone knows Irwin died Sept. 4 from a stingray's barb that punctured his heart during the filming of a nature program.

Beyond the initial just-the-facts reporting, there are generally three types of follow-ups that have been executed.

The first have been sincere tributes to a man who was a bonifide star, conservationist and by all accounts, a good human being. Fair enough.

The second were a series of sensationalistic, straining stories on lame topics like whether or not Irwin had a death wish or how this was an incredible freak accident.

No, he didn't have a death wish. No more than anyone in a risky profession.

And no, it wasn't a freak accident. A freak accident is a pedestrian being leveled by a meteor. A freak accident is a lion getting loose from a zoo and killing someone. Steve Irwin's death was not a freak accident. It was an occupational hazard.

Irwin handled dangerous animals for a living. He wrestled alligators. He swam with sharks. He teased rattlesnakes. Let's be real here, people. There was always a chance of something happening.

It wasn't like he was breeding wallabees and one of them suddenly snapped, hugging him to death. That would've been a ``freak accident.'' Sad to say, but Irwin's demise, given the circumstances, was anything but shocking. Given his profession, his continued existence in defiance of the odds was what was shocking.

The third type of story that's been turning up is the worst. It's the maudlin grab for ratings by poking and probing at Irwin's widow and relatives. Interviewing someone after the death of their famous relation is fine if that person wants to talk and give tribute to their fallen companion. But some of the interviews have gone beyond that into the realm of the lurid, and the way they're being framed is sensationalistic and shameful.

This was a human being. He had kids. He had a wife. He had family and friends. Do we really need the snazzy graphics, the endless macabre promos and the insipid questions like Barbara Walters' query to his wife of "How does it feel?"

Gee, I don't know, Barbara. How do you think it would feel for your husband to die young on camera? Ya think it might smart a bit? Might be a good idea to re-phrase the question so you don't come across as a master of the obvious.

But at least Barbara actually talked to Terri Irwin. Some of the bottom-feeding shows dredged up old quotes or pulled from other sources to fill airtime and goose ratings. The worst was when one show incessantly promoted a piece on Irwin's "shocking, gruesome death" with a quick-cut montage and voice-over from a seamy, deep-voiced narrator.

Thankfully, as the lazy, blow-dried bloviators of 24-7 cable TV distraction reports masked as news have moved on to the next human tragedy, the Irwin story is fading. Its disappearance can't come soon enough for me.

Enough already.

Let the guy rest in peace.

COLUMN: A Look At Local Fall Entertainment and Books

2006-09-26T22:11:00.000-05:00

Now, the circle is complete.

And man, it's been a long circle.

Four weeks ago I began this weekly look at what's upcoming and noteworthy in entertainment for the fall. We've made it through TV in the first week, movies in the second and music in the third, and now we're on to the final and fourth installment -- my look at fall books and local entertainment.

As with the previous lists, this one is not meant to be comprehensive (I do have space limitations after all), but rather to pick a broad representation of highlights, things to check out if you're so inclined.

Let's roll...

Local entertainment

* "The Bride Wore Blood": Bluebox Limited returns with its latest film, a thriller about a bounty hunter hired to watch over his client's betrothed. When things go awry, a deadly mystery unfolds. (7:30 p.m., Nov. 11, IMAX Theater, 1717 W. 12th St., Davenport.)

* Motley Crue (Oct. 14), Rascal Flatts (Oct. 20), Blue Man Group (Oct. 25), Def Leppard and Journey (Oct. 27): There's something for almost everyone on The Mark's October slate, from the retro metal of Crue to country with Flatts to pop rock with Def Lep and Journey to, well, whatever the heck Blue Man Group is.

* Adler Theater 75th Anniversary and Grand Re-Opening: The gorgeous vintage theater in downtown Davenport reveals its make-over just in time for a busy fall sked including "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" (Nov. 4), Ron White (Nov. 11), Jim Brickman (Dec. 6) and The Temptations (Dec. 7-10).

* Ballet Rocks II: Truth be told, this is a gig associate produced by my company, My Verona Productions, based on an idea from yours truly. But nonetheless, it's a cool show -- mixing classical choreography from Ballet Quad-Cities with music from local bands including The Metrolites. Last year's gig was a huge success, this year's promises to be the same. (7:30 p.m. Oct. 6-7, 2 p.m. Oct. 8, Capitol Theater, 330 W. 3rd St., Davenport)

* Smooth Jazz Festival: Chill to the sounds of live smooth jazz featuring some of the stars of the genre including Najee Rasheed, Urban Jazz Coalition, Joyce Cooling and more. (Oct. 20 Isle of Capri Grand Ballroom, 1800 Isle Parkway, Bettendorf; Oct. 21 Capitol Theater, Davenport).

* Adventures in a Temperate Climate: Martin Mull: Yup, it's the comedian. And painter. A display of 40 of his rich dreamscapes featuring odd snippets of Americana and surreal images will be on display. (Oct. 28-Jan. 21, Figge Museum, 225 W. 2nd St., Davenport).

* "Nickel and Dimed": Barbara Ehrenreich's excellent, provocative book about the squeezing out of the middle and lower classes in America is brought to the local stage for the first time. (Oct. 27-Nov. 5, Potter Hall, Augustana College, Rock Island.)

* "A Wonderful Life" and "White Christmas": Music Guild and Circa '21, respectively, take on the holiday musicals based on beloved classics. ("Life" Nov. 30-Dec. 3, Prospect Park Theater, Moline; "White" Nov. 10-Jan. 6, Circa '21, Rock Island).

* Blue X-Mas Holiday Hop!: You just can't beat a gallery hop. There's plenty to do, there's a lot to see and it's all free, so you've got nothing to lose checking it out. (5-10 p.m. Dec. 1, various venues, The District, Rock Island.)

Books

* ``Soldier'': Colin Powell's authorized biography, written by Karen DeYoung. Could be extremely interesting, could be stutifyingly safe and banal. My money's on the latter, my hope's for the former.

* ``Walt Disney'': Mel Gibson wasn't the first mega-successful anti-Semite in Hollywood, and this biography by Neal Gabler promises to show the warm, fuzzy public side of Walt as well as the weird, bigoted guy behind closed doors.

* ``Love Don't Live Here No More'': A novel written by Snoop Dogg? Okay, this has to be read to be believed. Fa Shizzle.

* ``Greetings From E Street'': A comprehensive retrospective of Bruce Springsteen and his famous band, including items ripped from Springsteen's scrapbook and diaries.

Other big-name authors releasing new books this fall include Stephen King, Cormac McCarthy, John Grisham, Thomas Pynchon, Patricia Cornwell, Walter Mosley, Mitch Albom and Brad Meltzer. As for biographies and celeb writings, keep an eye out for ``Exile on Main Street,'' chronicling the recording of the Stones' classic record, as well as biobooks on U2, Courtney Love, Peter Falk, Audrey Hepburn and more.

COLUMN: A Look At Fall Music

2006-09-20T00:15:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I was wrong. Isn't the first time, won't be the last.

The last two weeks I've given you my picks for the best in fall entertainment in TV and film. This week, I was going to cover music, books and local entertainment all in one shebang. But as I was writing the column, it turned out to be over twice as long as my usual alloted column length. So, rather than short-change any category, this week I'm going to look at fall music, then next week I'll go into books and local entertainment. Hey, it's just more tips for you, the reader, on cool stuff to check out. Sound good? Excellent.

So without further ado, here are some of the CDs set for release in the next few months to keep an eye out for...

* The Beatles, "Love" (November): My most eagerly awaited album on this list -- and I'm sure the lists of many others. The Beatles have been used in mash-up tracks before (most notably on DangerMouse's "Gray Album") but never before by the man behind their studio wizardry -- George Martin. Taking snippets from more than 130 Fab Four tracks, Martin and his son Giles have created new compositions that promise to be imaginative in the least. I hope.

* Jay-Z, "Kingdom Come" (November): Rap stars retire and unretire as often as boxers, so the appearance of a new Jay-Z album was fairly predictable. What shouldn't be is the result, which includes collaborations with Dr. Dre, Kanye West and, believe it or not, Coldplay's Chris Martin.

* The Who, "Endless Wire" (Oct. 31): Can they rekindle the flame? Daltrey and Townsend reunite for a disc that's being touted as concept rock in the "Tommy" mold.

* The Decemberists, "The Crane Wife" (Oct. 3): Every alt-rock indie pop fan has the date Oct. 3 written in pen on his or her calendar. The Killers, Jet, Beck and the least known of the crew, The Decemberists, all release albums that day. But while this act might get the least hype, its intricate, catchy, literate folk-pop style may lead to the best work.

* The Killers, "Sam's Town" (Oct. 3): Can't wait for this one. The first album was a brilliant throwback to '80s synth pop. The new album? It's taking more of a stratospheric rock direction, inspired by U2. The first single, "When You Were Young" is an anthemic gem, but will the rest of the disc be as good?

* My Chemical Romance, "The Black Parade" (Oct. 24): Another buzz band looking to overcome the sophomore slump by going big, MCR's newbie takes them in a rock opera direction lyrically following one man's journey into the afterworld.

* Jet, "Shine On" (Oct. 3): The first album was a great rush of classic rock riffs and attitude chock full of hooks, but its familiar feel made you wonder where they would go next. From the sound of the first single, the answer is a seance channeling Marc Bolan. Hopefully the rest of the disc has the same catchy glam rock feel.

* Beck, "The Information" (Oct. 3): Beck's albums are always interesting and worthwhile regardless of the sonic tangents he takes. This one reportedly hearkens back to the loose spirit of "Mellow Gold," which was all over the place but had its moments.

* The Dears, "Gang Of Losers" (Oct. 3): The orchestral pop Smiths addicts are following the trend of so many other indie bands and going with more of a "rawk" sound. Reportedly it's in the vein of early, riffy Smiths, which would be very cool.

* Modest Mouse, "We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank" (December): Speaking of the Smiths, that band's former guitarist, Johnny Marr, turns up on the latest from MM, which promises to be more expansive and eclectic in scope than previous discs.

Seems to be the theme for the fall. But will bigger be better? We'll find out.

COLUMN: A Look At Fall Movies

2006-09-13T00:03:00.000-05:00

Sure, the year in cinema so far has been mediocre at best. But there are plenty of great pictures ready to unspool between now and 2007, and as part two of my three part look at fall entertainment, I'm laying out a few of them for you.

Last week I gave you my picks for the most promising fall TV shows, next week we'll roll with music and books.

Today, I'm going over my selections for some of the movies being released over the next few months that look particularly interesting. Some of them may show up in local theaters, some you may have to wait for on video, but either way, keep an eye out for them. Keep in mind that with probably 40-60 films being released in the next few months, this isn't a comprehensive list -- not even of films on my "to see" list. It's just a sampler.

* "A Scanner Darkly" (finally playing here): Today may be your last chance to catch Richard Linklater's trippy, provocative new film based on the Philip Dick sci-fi novel. It's playing at Nova 6 Cinemas, but it might not be there too much longer so take advantage of the opportunity to see the twisting crime tale of a future wracked by an unstoppable drug.

* ``The Departed'' (Oct. 6): Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon and Martin Sheen in a Martin Scorsese film many are saying hearkens back to his "Goodfellas" days in subject and style. You gotta problem wit dat?

* "Fast Food Nation" (Oct. 20): Based on Eric Schlosser's fascinating and disconcerting non-fiction book about "the story behind your hamburger," director Richard Linklater has created a drama with an all-star cast that's already getting Oscar buzz.

* "Marie Antoinette" (Oct. 20): Sofia Coppola's biopic (starring Kirsten Dunst as the title character) was a love-it-or-hate-it buzzmaker at Cannes. So far, Coppola ("Virgin Suicides," "Lost in Translation") has been golden and the material has the potential to be juicy. Will her streak continue?

* "Borat" (Nov. 3): Sacha Baron Cohen's humor is definitely an acquired taste, but you can't deny the guy's talent for creating distinct characters. As a fan of the man best known as Ali G, I'll be one of the few waiting for this mockumentary featuring Cohen's obnoxious, clueless Kazakhstani TV personality.

* "Stranger Than Fiction" (Nov. 10): Will Ferrell gets semi-serious playing a man who discovers he's a character in a British novelist's book. Sounds part "Truman Show," part Charlie Kaufman. I'm guessing Farrell, like Jim Carrey and Robin Williams, will have the talent to pull off the transition.

* "Tenacious D In The Pick of Destiny" (Nov. 17): I loved the album, the bits on "Mr. Show" were great, but can "The D" carry an entire movie? Especially when they're mining the territory of the greatest rock comedy of all time, "This Is Spinal Tap?" We'll find out.

* "The Return" (Nov. 17): Hey, it's Sarah Michelle Gellar in another Asian-inspired horror film with a murky feel and a curvy plotline. I can't resist. Guilty pleasure. But I know I'm not the only one with it.

* "For Your Consideration" (Nov. 17): The Christopher Guest crew ("Best in Show") returns to lampoon Hollywood. Considering that even their weakest film, "A Mighty Wind," was pretty amusing, given Hollywood as a backdrop this should be hilarious.

* "Casino Royale" (Nov. 17): Daniel Craig takes over as Bond goes back to his roots with this adaptation of Ian Fleming's first 007 novel. I'm as interested as every other Bond fan to see how it turns out.

* "Apocalypto" (Dec. 8): Yup, it's the Mayan apocalypse movie Mel "Sure, I'll Have Another" Gibson is directing. I have a feeling it could be the worst, most laughable film of the year or one of the best. Either way, I can't wait to see the epic grandeur/cheeseball schlock.

* "The Good German" (Dec. 8): George Clooney reunites with director Stephen Soderberg ("Oceans 11, 12...23, etc.") for a black-and-white murder mystery set in post-WWII Berlin. Hey, Clooney's been on a roll ("Syriana," "Good Night and Good Luck") and Soderberg's a terrific director, so bet on it being well done.

* "Rocky Balboa" (Dec. 22): Like "Apocalypto," it could be excellent (remember how good the first, Oscar-nominated "Rocky" was?) or completely campy junk (remember how cornball pretty much every subsequent "Rocky" film was?). But either way it'll be worth seeing.

COLUMN: A Look At The Fall TV Season

2006-09-06T02:15:00.000-05:00

Winter is a dumping ground.

Spring is full of surprises.

Summer is blockbuster season.

And fall? Fall is when we really get the good stuff.

I'm talking about the Circle of Entertainment Life -- the yearly schedule of how things play out in the pop culture world. They're not hard and fast rules -- for example, there are some quality works that are released throughout the year -- but for the most part, every genre follows that suit.

There are various reasons for each season playing out that way, but in regard to fall, the tilt towards a higher caliber is due in part to trying to get material out in time for awards season (e.g. Oscar contenders); the competition for the dollars spent over the holiday season; and the weather. Yup, the weather. With the heat of the sun vacationing from most of the country, more people are inside (hence the TV season starting) and more people have greater disposable income since they're not spending it on the trips and festivals that accompany summer.

At any rate, fall is usually an electric time for pop culture, and this year is no different. So, in the spirit of getting you kick-started for the season, I'm going to embark on a three-part series of columns touting cool and intriguing things to look for between now and the end of the year. This week I'm going to go over TV, next week will be films and the week after that will be music, books and anything else. Let's get started...

First off, for TV, I'm going to concentrate solely on notable new shows. Here are some of the debuts to look for:

* "Brothers and Sisters" (9 p.m. Sunday, ABC): This dysfunctional family drama has got a stellar cast -- Rachel Griffiths, Sally Field, Calista Flockheart, Tom Skerritt, etc. -- and advance word has it hovering somewhere between "Six Feet Under," "Dallas" and "Thirtysomething." Sounds interesting.

* "Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip" (9 p.m. Monday, NBC); and "30 Rock" (7:30 p.m. Wednesday, NBC): Two shows essentially dealing with the same topic -- a "Larry Sanders"-esque behind-the-scenes look at a "Saturday Night Live" style show -- and both have excellent casts and creative teams behind them. "Studio" stars Matthew Perry and Amanda Peet and comes from Aaron Sorkin, creator of "The West Wing." "30" boasts Tina Fay and Alec Baldwin (an underrated comedic actor) and is from Lorne Michaels, the creator of "SNL." Both could shine.

* "The Knights of Prosperity" (8 p.m. Tuesday, ABC): You've probably heard about this comedy -- it's the one about the bungling thieves who plan to rob Mick Jagger. It stars Donal "Grounded For Life" Logue. Sound terrible yet? Sure does to me. But it's getting terrific reviews and it's from Rob Burnett, formerly of "Ed" and David Letterman's shows, so I'm willing to give it a try.

* "Jericho" (7 p.m. Wednesday, CBS): A prodigal son returns to his small Midwestern home town on the eve of a nuclear holocaust. One of several new "puzzle" shows that seem inspired by "Lost," but unlike some this one is getting strong advance buzz and looks like a dark gem.

* "The Nine" (9 p.m. Wednesday, ABC): It's replacing a show I liked ("Invasion") and it follows my favorite show ("Lost") so I'm setting the bar high. However, so far word is overwhelmingly positive about the hostage drama-turned-supernatural mystery.

* "Ugly Betty" (7 p.m. Thursday, ABC): Easily the most buzzed-about new show of the season. The advance word is gushingly positive on this remake of a Mexican soap opera about a clever nerd (America Ferrera -- a terrific actress) maneuvering through a viper pit of "Melrose Place"-ish characters at a fashion magazine.

* "Six Degrees" (9 p.m. Thursday, ABC): From J.J. Abrams, the creator of "Lost" and "Alias," comes another of the most highly touted new shows of the fall. It involves a group of loosely intertwined New Yorkers, a mysterious box with strange qualities and battles with demons real and metaphorical. "Lost" meets "Crash" without the overacting and sanctimonious subtext? Set the Tivo.

COLUMN: I Believe That Children Are Our Future... Well, Children Or Clones. Or Robots Containing Our Transplanted Brains.

2006-08-28T21:59:00.000-05:00

Every year, I volunteer at Black Hawk's College For Kids, a program for students ages 10-14 that gives them a taste of what college is like. I'm the guest lecturer at a class called Kids As Critics (a title which some parents may find redundant), which teaches children how to look at entertainment from a critical perspective.

I give a brief summary of my job and experiences in the arts and then spend the rest of the time answering and asking questions. Doing so, I gain a first-hand insight as to what pop culture kids really like.

This year's classroom trek showed me that area kids are dramatically split on the idea of sex and violence in entertainment, have no idea who Mike Tyson is and (at least a vocal percentage of the girls) love someone called Channing Tatum.

I found out the last item when I had the kids tell me who their favorite actors and actresses were. Lots of Johnny Depps. Many Orlando Blooms. Some Keira Knightleys. You could tell a lot of them had just seen the latest "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie.

I knew all of the thespians' names except for the one a very excited blonde girl blurted.

"Channing Tatum!"

Who's Channing Tatum?

"He's this really really cute actor!!! He's in `Step Up' and he was in `She's The Man'!!!"

Neither of which is exactly high on my Netflix list.

And apparently, not high on the list of another girl in the class either. She totally begged to differ, saying that Channing Tatum was not, in fact, all that. Orlando Bloom was, like, soooooo much hotter.

After listening to them snipe for a few seconds, I interrupted and said, "Okay, let's put it to a vote. Who's the better actor, Orlando Bloom or Channing Tatum?"

"ChanningTatumOrlandoBloom!" They both screamed at the same time, mushing their words together. The rest of the class remained silent/scared/disinterested as an equal number of hands shot up for each.

"Okay, who would win in a beauty contest between the two of them?"

"ChanningTatumOrlandoBloom!"

"Okay, who would win in a beauty contest between Channing Tatum, Orlando Bloom and the guy from `Napoleon Dynamite'?"

"Eeeeewwww!"

"Uh huh. Okay, who would win in a fight, Orlando Bloom, Channing Tatum or Mike Tyson?"

"Who's Mike Tyson?"

They didn't know who Mike Tyson was. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

They also didn't know if it was a good thing or not for films and music to have excessive sexual or violent content in them.

In the first class, the subject didn't even come up. But the second class brought it up and was near-unanimous and very vocal in their distaste for the "disgusting, gross" lyrics on many songs on the radio, and the "just...eeeww!" sexual and violent material in many popular films and TV shows.

"Interesting," I said to their regular teacher, Angie Logan, between class periods. "I'd read stories that said kids were more conservative nowadays, and maybe they're right."

Uh-uh. Maybe they're not.

The next class? Completely the opposite. These kids happily detailed the grody details from every R-rated movie in theaters, and when questioned said that their parents had either bought them the tickets or taken them with to see the films. They couldn't get enough raunchy lyrics on the radio and when it came to TV, they didn't bat an eyelash at the sex-charged shows on MTV or the gore of "CSI." Total 180 from the class before, and both of them were utterly random samplings of the local junior high population.

Now that's interesting.

On a totally different topic, among the earlier class there was a kid I liked to call The Boy With The Coolest Dad and Uncles In The World. I don't remember his name, but his forebears deserve some sort of award for bringing him up right -- at least in terms of movie-watching.

The boy's favorite films?

"Caddyshack," "Animal House," "Stripes," "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," "Fast Times At Ridgemont High" and "Fletch."

I have hope for our future.

Keep Pluto! Add XENA!!!

2006-08-24T22:35:00.000-05:00

IMHO:

They should keep Pluto.

But they should also re-add Ceres (which was considered a part of our solar system in the 1800s) and ADD XENA! How damn cool would it be to have a new planet named after freakin' Xena, Warrior Princess? Talk about something so geekily perfect...

Dinky Pluto loses its status as planet By WILLIAM J. KOLE, Associated Press Writer
21 minutes ago

PRAGUE, Czech Republic - Pluto, beloved by some as a cosmic underdog but scorned by astronomers who considered it too dinky and distant, was unceremoniously stripped of its status as a planet Thursday.

The International Astronomical Union, dramatically reversing course just a week after floating the idea of reaffirming Pluto's planethood and adding three new planets to Earth's neighborhood, downgraded the ninth rock from the sun in historic new galactic guidelines.

The shift will have the world's teachers scrambling to alter lesson plans just as schools open for the fall term.

"It will all take some explanation, but it is really just a reclassification and I can't see that it will cause any problems," said Neil Crumpton, who teaches science at a high school north of London. "Science is an evolving subject and always will be."

Powerful new telescopes, experts said, are changing the way they size up the mysteries of the solar system and beyond. But the scientists at the conference showed a soft side, waving plush toys of the Walt Disney character Pluto the dog — and insisting that Pluto's spirit will live on in the exciting discoveries yet to come.

"The word 'planet' and the idea of planets can be emotional because they're something we learn as children," said Richard Binzel, a professor of planetary science at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who helped hammer out the new definition.

"This is really all about science, which is all about getting new facts," he said. "Science has marched on. ... Many more Plutos wait to be discovered."

Pluto, a planet since 1930, got the boot because it didn't meet the new rules, which say a planet not only must orbit the sun and be large enough to assume a nearly round shape, but must "clear the neighborhood around its orbit." That disqualifies Pluto, whose oblong orbit overlaps Neptune's, downsizing the solar system to eight planets from the traditional nine.

Astronomers have labored without a universal definition of a planet since well before the time of Copernicus, who proved that the Earth revolves around the sun, and the experts gathered in Prague burst into applause when the guidelines were passed.

Predictably, Pluto's demotion provoked plenty of wistful nostalgia.

"It's disappointing in a way, and confusing," said Patricia Tombaugh, the 93-year-old widow of Pluto discoverer Clyde Tombaugh.

"I don't know just how you handle it. It kind of sounds like I just lost my job," she said from Las Cruces, N.M. "But I understand science is not something that just sits there. It goes on. Clyde finally said before he died, 'It's there. Whatever it is. It is there.'"

The decision by the IAU, the official arbiter of heavenly objects, restricts membership in the elite cosmic club to the eight classical planets: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune.

Pluto and objects like it will be known as "dwarf planets," which raised some thorny questions about semantics: If a raincoat is still a coat, and a cell phone is still a phone, why isn't a dwarf planet still a planet?

NASA said Pluto's downgrade would not affect its $700 million New Horizons spacecraft mission, which this year began a 9 1/2-year journey to the oddball object to unearth more of its secrets.

But mission head Alan Stern said he was "embarrassed" by Pluto's undoing and predicted that Thursday's vote would not end the debate. Although 2,500 astronomers from 75 nations attended the conference, only about 300 showed up to vote.

"It's a sloppy definition. It's bad science," he said. "It ain't over."

Under the new rules, two of the three objects that came tantalizingly close to planethood will join Pluto as dwarfs: the asteroid Ceres, which was a planet in the 1800s before it got demoted, and 2003 UB313, an icy object slightly larger than Pluto whose discoverer, Michael Brown of the California Institute of Technology, has nicknamed "Xena." The third object, Pluto's largest moon, Charon, isn't in line for any special designation.

Brown, whose Xena find rekindled calls for Pluto's demise because it showed it isn't nearly as unique as it once seemed, waxed philosophical.

"Eight is enough," he said, jokingly adding: "I may go down in history as the guy who killed Pluto."

Demoting the icy orb named for the Roman god of the underworld isn't personal — it's just business — said Jack Horkheimer, director of the Miami Space Transit Planetarium and host of the PBS show "Star Gazer."

"It's like an amicable divorce," he said. "The legal status has changed but the person really hasn't. It's just single again."

COLUMN: Hot. Scandalous. Sexy. Michelle Wie.

2006-08-21T22:28:00.000-05:00

Want to read a hot, scandalous item about sexy young golf star Michelle Wie? Hey, who doesn't, right?

Well, keep on reading this column...

* It's been a good month for Quad-Citians on the big screen. Last week I wrote about former Moliner Stephen Norton's band Louden Swain having a song on the "Snakes on a Plane" soundtrack. This weekend, former Bettendorfer Eric Christian Olsen can be seen as one of the German drinkers in "Beerfest." And a few weeks back, former KWQC-TV6 anchor Rick Benjamin, who appears regularly on Speed TV, made his onscreen cameo debut as a TV reporter in "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby."

Next week? Well, uh, er, there's a Rock Islander's video on YouTube where a kid mistakenly hits a guy in the groin with a wiffle ball bat, does that count?

* Online, local and considerably more upscale than rejects from Bob Saget's world, Daytrotter.com has been growing by leaps, bounds and extremely high jumps. Masterminded by Sean Moeller, the site is really an indie music lover's dream come true. Cool live tracks by a variety of musicians passing through the area, recorded at the site's Rock Island studio, are available for your listening pleasure. In addition, it's got passionate, cogent commentary about the bands and each of the songs featured and links to where you can buy their music. It's great stuff. Check it out.

* The show you must watch: "Criss Angel: Mindfreak," airing 9 p.m. Wednesdays on A&E. I kid you not. I am totally serious. I know, I know, it looks completely cheesy. That's exactly what I thought when I first saw the ads. But Criss Angel is the most amazing illusionist I've ever seen. I can figure out how most magicians' do their tricks, even the best ones. A lot of Criss Angel's stuff leaves me baffled. How on earth a guy can go on a live radio show and predict random events in a national newspaper three days later, barring psychic ability, is beyond me. But that's exactly what he did in a recent episode. Seriously, give it a try. The show will freak you out.

* I read the recent article in Us Magazine about Leah Remini losing 80 pounds after delivering her baby. That's a really good thing, because you just know she didn't want to look fat compared to her twig-skinny "King of Queens" co-stars.

* This is why it stinks that the Brew and View closed: Okay, I admit that it was a long shot for us to get the "Strangers With Candy" film in local theaters. I figured I was going to have to wait until video for that one. But c'mon, why haven't Showcase 53 or Great Escape cinemas gotten Richard Linklater's "A Scanner Darkly?" For crying out loud, this isn't some little Sundance flick. It stars Keanu Reeves, Winona Ryder, Woody Harrelson and Robert Downey Jr., it's directed by Linklater, whose last two blockbusters were "School of Rock" and "Bad News Bears," and it's a big, animated sci-fi film based on a story by popular author Philip K. Dick (``Minority Report''). Even employees of the local theaters (who shall remain anonymous) have complained about their venues not being able to get it. Sheesh...

* Don't go counting out Heath Ledger as the Joker in the next "Batman" movie. Sure, he's no Jack Nicholson, but who is? And you can't tag Nicholson for it because he's too old. There aren't a lot of young actors with the edge to them required for the part, but Ledger has kind of a quiet, vaguely disturbing quality that could fit the Joker very well. Not to mention that he's actually a really talented actor, which is a prerequisite. Still, Ledger wouldn't necessarily be my first choice. Who would be? Paul Bettany, followed by Julian McMahon.

Oh, wait, did I mention something about a hot, scandalous item about Michelle Wie? Darn, I'm out of space. Guess that'll just have to wait until next time.

Have The Irish Once Again Saved The World?

2006-08-19T01:12:00.002-05:00

Intriguing.

From Associated Press...

Irish Company Produces Free Energy

Fri Aug 18, 10:10 AM ET

DUBLIN (AFP) - An Irish company has thrown down the gauntlet to the worldwide scientific community to test a technology it has developed that it claims produces free energy.

The company, Steorn, says its discovery is based on the interaction of magnetic fields and allows the production of clean, free and constant energy -- a concept that challenges one of the basic rules of physics.

It claims the technology can be used to supply energy for virtually all devices, from mobile phones to cars.

Steorn issued its challenge through an advertisement in the Economist magazine this week quoting Ireland's Nobel prize-winning author George Bernard Shaw who said that "all great truths begin as blasphemies".

Sean McCarthy, Steorn's chief executive officer, said they had issued the challenge for 12 physicists to rigorously test the technology so it can be developed.

"What we have developed is a way to construct magnetic fields so that when you travel round the magnetic fields, starting and stopping at the same position, you have gained energy," McCarthy said.

"The energy isn't being converted from any other source such as the energy within the magnet. It's literally created. Once the technology operates it provides a constant stream of clean energy," he told Ireland's RTE radio.

McCarthy said Steorn had not set out to develop the technology, but "it actually fell out of another project we were working on".

One of the basic principles of physics is that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only change form.

McCarthy said a big obstacle to overcome was the disbelief that what they had developed was even possible.

"For the first six months that we looked at it we literally didn't believe it ourselves. Over the last three years it had been rigorously tested in our own laboratories, in independent laboratories and so on," he said.

"But we have been unable to get significant scientific interest in it. We have had scientists come in, test it and, off the record, they are quite happy to admit that it works.

"But for us to be able to commercialise this and put this into peoples' lives we need credible, academic validation in the public domain and hence the challenge," McCarthy said.

COLUMN: `Snakes On A Plane' Offers Song On A Soundtrack For Former Quad-Citian

2006-08-16T00:57:00.000-05:00

It's oddly appropriate that a rock group named after a movie character may get its big break on a film soundtrack.

Oddly appropriate, and quite pleasing to former Quad-Citian Stephen Norton.

While the rest of us are waiting to hear Samuel L. Jackson utter a line already made famous on the 'net in the flick "Snakes On A Plane" this weekend -- a line that can't be reprinted here -- the Moline born-and-raised Norton will be listening for his act's song, "Here Come The Snakes," playing in the background.

His band, Louden Swain (named after the lead character in the '80s hit "VisionQuest"), got the gig after entering a contest through Tagworld.com to have a tune included on the soundtrack. And as a result of its efforts, Swain -- Rob Benedict on vocals/guitar, Michael Borja on bass/vocals, Billy Moran on guitar/vocals and Norton on drums/vocals -- has gained its biggest career buzz since forming in 1997.

"A friend told Rob about the contest, and while we're not big fans of `battle of the bands' type contests, we thought the idea of a `Snakes On A Plane' song was right up our alley as far as our tongue-in-cheek sense of humor," Stephen said. "Once we did a little research on the film online, it took us practically no time to put the song together.

"We really hadn't heard about `Snakes' until we heard about the contest. We were all amazed at just how much buzz there was out there between the fan sites, blogs, etcetera. The Internet has become the best tool out there to reach new fans, and the buzz on this movie proves it.

"The contest itself was a little crazy, because all these bands started getting involved -- Blues Traveler among hundreds of others -- and we figured we had no shot at winning based on the fact that there were so many entries. We started doing really well in the voting, and Billy went on a mission to reach out to Tagworld.com members and tell them about our song. We ended up in the top 25 in votes, but then the announcement date (of the winner) got pushed back two or three times.

"Tagworld finally called us about a week before they announced the winner and told us that while we didn't win, the filmmakers and everyone at the website loved the song, and they wanted to include it on the soundtrack along with the winning song. We were really honored that they chose our song, and it's been very exciting to see all the buzz in the press and online about the movie, and to be included in all of that is amazing."

Amazing, and fortuitious, bringing the band some much-needed heat for its recently released third CD, "Suit and Tie" and its greatest kudos since being named one of the Best Unsigned Bands in the world by CMJ magazine in 2003.

"This definitely ranks right up there for us as being one of the biggest (career) highlights," Stephen said. "We believe the best things are still to come for us. We're pumped about our new CD, and it really marks a big step forward for us."

But for this weekend, at least, the group's next steps are going to be into the nearest theater.

"The movie is going to be sweet!" Stephen said. "We're all convinced that it's going to be the next `Rocky Horror Picture Show' where people are throwing viewing parties and just can't get enough of it. We've had fans of ours arrange big group outings to see the movie, and we're all looking forward to seeing it. Sam Jackson, snakes and planes all in one movie...you just know it's going be great!"

No argument here.

For more Louden Swain tunes, check out www.LoudenSwain.com and www.myspace.com/LoudenSwain.

How Would You Like To Sleep on the ``2001'' Monolith?

2006-08-09T22:44:00.000-05:00

From Reuters...

AMSTERDAM - A young Dutch architect has created a floating bed which hovers above the ground through magnetic force and comes with a price tag of 1.2 million euros ($1.54 million).

Janjaap Ruijssenaars took inspiration for the bed -- a sleek black platform, which took six years to develop and can double as a dining table or a plinth -- from the mysterious monolith in Stanley Kubrick's 1968 cult film "2001: A Space Odyssey."

"No matter where you live all architecture is dictated by gravity. I wondered whether you could make an object, a building or a piece of furniture where this is not the case -- where another power actually dictates the image," Ruijssenaars said.

Magnets built into the floor and into the bed itself repel each other, pushing the bed up into the air. Thin steel cables tether the bed in place.

"It is not comfortable at the moment," admits Ruijssenaars, adding it needs cushions and bedclothes before use.

Although people with piercings should have no problem sleeping on the bed, Ruijssenaars advises them against entering the magnetic field between the bed and the floor.

They could find their piercing suddenly tugged toward one of the magnets.

Chinese Bar Offers People Chance To Beat The Crap Out Of Staff

2006-08-09T22:35:00.000-05:00

From BBC News...

Chinese 'anger bar' is a big hit

A bar in eastern China has come up with a novel way of attracting clients - they are allowed to beat up the staff.

The Rising Sun Anger Release Bar in Nanjing lets customers smash glasses, rant and even hit specially trained workers, state media reported.

The owner, Wu Gong, told China Daily that he was inspired to open the bar by his experiences as a migrant worker.

Most of his customers were women working in the service or entertainment industries, he said.

The bar employs 20 men who have been given protective gear and physical training to prepare them for the job.

Clients can ask the men to dress as the character they wish to attack.

'Attractive idea'

Passers-by were divided on the idea.

"Pressure in today's society comes from just about anywhere, from family or from work, from your boss or your girlfriend. We get no place to vent anger," said salesman Chen Liang.

"The idea of beating someone decorated as your boss seems attractive."

But another man, Liu Yuanyuan, said violence was not the answer.

"If people really feel angry, they should adjust their lifestyles or seek psychological treatment," he told the daily.

But Mr Wu can meet that need, too. For the most stressed-out cases, counselling is available from psychology students recruited from local universities.

COLUMN: The Hidden Connections Between Lionel, ``Loverboy'' and The Lust-Bot

2006-08-08T16:44:00.000-05:00

Carl Jung wrote that there were no such things as coincidences.

The man famous for his theory of synchronicity believed that everything in life fit together as a part of a great cosmic unconsciousness.

Kind of like an episode of "Lost."

So somewhere, you just know that Carl has to be laughing at the way some odd things have worked out in the world of entertainment lately.

For example...

* Synchronicity, Part I: Back in 1989, the world of film was rocked (not really, but let's just pretend) by a romantic comedy called "Loverboy." The movie featured then-geeky teen Patrick Dempsey turning into a pizza delivery boy/gigolo, romancing thirtysomething babes Carrie Fisher, Kirstie Alley and Barbara Carrera in order to make money for college to reunite with his true love, Jenny, played by Nancy Valen.

Flash forward 17 years later. The biggest stars of the movie, the three older women, are bit players in Hollywood. Dempsey, who apparently discovered the fountain George Clooney sipped from prior to ~"ER," has graduated from '80s cheese star to medical show sex symbol on "Grey's Anatomy."

And Nancy Valen?

She's the woman with "racing thoughts" who "flies off the handle," gets "irritable" and "spends money out of control" in the new ad for a bipolar medication being pushed by AstraZeneca.

So, in other words, it's a good thing her "ex-boyfriend" Dempsey is now working as a doctor, so he can prescribe it to her.

* Synchronicity II: Back in the '80s, Lionel Richie could do no wrong. The former Commodores singer, and, like yours truly, ex-Joliet, Ill. resident, had a slew of huge hits.

During that era, he featured his young daughter, Nicole, in two videos, "Ballerina Girl" in 1986 and "Love, Oh Love" in 1992. At the time, some critics and pop culture pundits squawked about the nepotism, saying that Nicole was merely riding the coattails of her famous Dad.

Flash forward about two decades.

Lionel, who hasn't had a hit in around that amount of time, is attempting another comeback, with the ballad "I Call It Love" off his upcoming record "Coming Home."

But the difference between this comeback and his various other less-successful ones is the media buzz being generated by the star of the video for "I Call It Love."

His daughter, Nicole.

* Synchronicity III, The Final Chapter: In 1966, Yaz was the nickname of a popular baseball player, Carl Yaztremski.

In 1986, Yaz was the name of a popular band featuring Alison Moyet and Vince Clarke.

Now, in 2006, Yaz is the name of a new birth control pill being marketed at the young and cool.

Interesting evolution. I can't wait to see what Yaz is going to be in 2026. My guess? A pleasure robot, like in "Star Trek."

Okay, so that last one wasn't really what you'd call an odd coincidence, just an observation.

At least for now.

In 2026, when PleasureBot Yaz Richie stars in a music video with Patrick Dempsey, Jr., you'll understand.

Are Cats Turning Us Into Zombies?

2006-08-06T01:10:00.000-05:00

Fascinating article.

from LiveScience.com...

Cat Parasite Could Control Human Behavior

Livescience.com

A parasitic microbe commonly found in cats might have helped shape entire human cultures by manipulating the personalities of infected individuals, according to a new study.

Infection by a Toxoplasma gondii could make some individuals more prone to some forms of neuroticism and could lead to differences among cultures if enough people are infected, says Kevin Lafferty, a U.S. Geological Survey scientist at the University of California, Santa Barbara.

In a survey of different countries, Lafferty found that people living in those with higher rates of T. gondii infection scored higher on average for neuroticism, defined as an emotional or mental disorder characterized by high levels of anxiety, insecurity or depression.

His finding is detailed in the Aug. 2 issue of the journal for Proceedings of the Royal Society, Biology.

Manipulating behavior

T. gondii infects both wild and domestic cats, but it is carried by many warm-blooded mammals. One recent study showed that the parasite makes normally cautious rats outgoing and more prone to engage in reckless behavior, such as hanging around areas frequently marked by cat urine, making the rats easy targets.

Scientists estimate that the parasite has infected about 3 billion people, or about half of the human population. Studies by researchers in the Czech Republic have suggested T. gondii might have subtle but long-term effects on its human hosts. The parasite is thought to have different, and often opposite effects in men versus women, but both genders appear to develop a form of neuroticism called "guilt proneness."

Other studies have also found links between the parasite and schizophrenia. T. gondii infection is known to damage astrocytes, support cells in the brain that are also affected during schizophrenia. Pregnant women with high levels of antibodies to the parasite are also more likely to give birth to children who will develop the disorder.

In light of such studies, Lafferty wondered whether high rates of T. gondii infection in a culture could shift the average personality of its individuals.

"In populations where this parasite is very common, mass personality modification could result in cultural change," Lafferty said.

The distribution of T. gondii could explain differences in cultural aspects that relate to ego, money, material possessions, work and rules, Lafferty added. In some countries, infections by the cat parasite are very rare, while in others nearly all adults are infected.

Adding to cultural diversity

To test his hypothesis, Lafferty looked at published data on cultural dimensions and average personalities for different countries. The countries examined also kept records of the prevalence of T. gondii antibodies in women of childbearing age. Countries with high prevalence of T. gondii infection also had higher average neuroticism scores.

"There could be a lot more to this story," Lafferty said. "Different responses to the parasite by men and women could lead to many additional cultural effects that are, as yet, difficult to analyze."

Lafferty thinks that climate could be an important factor in determining which human populations are infected by T. gondii. The parasite's eggs can survive longer in humid, low-altitude regions, especially at mid latitudes that have infrequent freezing and thawing.

Other factors could also influence infection rates, including how a culture's attitudes about having cats as pets and the hygiene practices of its people.

Despite its association with neuroticism, Lafferty doesn't think all of the cat parasite's effects on human culture are bad.

"After all, they add to our cultural diversity," he said.

Now THIS Is What You Call A Conflict Of Interest

2006-08-05T17:48:00.000-05:00

Wow. What a shocker. A ``grassroots'' campaign is exposed as a coordinated public relations effort bankrolled by a massive corporation and disguised to make it look as if they've got ``the people'' on their side.

Here's something else to ponder / notice: Next time you see a picture in a newspaper of protests either in our country or overseas, ask yourself why all the signs look professionally made and why they all have the same style of lettering and design.

From ABC News...

Aug. 4, 2006 — A tiny little movie making fun of Al Gore, supposedly made by an amateur filmmaker, recently appeared on the popular Web site YouTube.com.

At first blush, the spoof seemed like a scrappy little homemade film poking fun at Gore and his anti-global warming crusade.

In the movie, Gore is seen boring an army of penguins with his lecture and blaming global warming for everything, including Lindsay Lohan's thinness.

But when the Wall Street Journal tried to find the guy who posted the film "Al Gore's Penguin Army" — listed on YouTube as a 29-year-old — they found the movie didn't come from an amateur working out of his basement.

The film actually came from a slick Republican public relations firm called DCI, which just happens to have oil giant Exxon as a client.

Exxon denies knowing anything about the film, and DCI says, "We do not disclose the names of our clients, nor do we discuss the work we do on behalf of our clients."

Distrust of Mainstream Media

Media ethicists say that if DCI is behind the spoof, they should fess up.

"Without the disclosure, it's really ethically questionable," said Diane Farsetta, a senior researcher at the Center for Media and Democracy.

Another question is why would this movie be done in a seemingly unprofessional way, to be shown alongside YouTube's mostly amateur videos, which feature lip-synching, odd performances and funny satires?

"They want it to look like this came from someone who really believes this, who is really critical of Al Gore and global warming," Farsetta said.

Ana Marie Cox, the Washington editor of Time.com, said Americans have come to distrust the mainstream media.

"They're more likely to believe something that comes straight from the horse's mouth," Cox said.

Public relations firms have long used computer technology to create bogus grassroots campaigns, which are called "Astroturf."

Now these firms are being hired to push illusions on the Internet to create the false impression of real people blogging, e-mailing and making films

COLUMN: The Tail Of A Wayward Star

2006-08-01T15:00:00.000-05:00

Mel Gibson is a great director and actor, but what he said and did was monumentally idiotic.

Yeah, MTV was better 25 years ago than it is now, but its quality goes in cycles, reflecting the prevailing trends in pop culture. It'll be brilliant again once it breaks its addiction to dubious "reality" shows celebrating gauche commercialism.

And yes, of course, Lindsay Lohan missed time on the movie set because she was partying too much. The whole exhaustion thing is a lame excuse and she looks like a dink for having her Mommy defend her. Cowgirl up, booze hound. Either jump on the wagon or buy stock in Visine and Red Bull.

Well, that wraps up my opinions on the "big" stories in national entertainment this week, so let's get into something far more interesting.

That's right, the story of Fitch, the acting dog.

The fiesty Scottish terrier playing Toto in Music Guild's production of "The Wizard of Oz" has been quite the traveler. In the show, opening this weekend at Prospect Park in Moline (7:30 p.m. Friday-Sunday; call 762-6610 for tickets), the fuzzy-faced canine ventures from rural Kansas to technicolor Oz. However, in real life, Fitch's epic voyage is even more incredible.

The peregrinating pooch is a survivor of Hurricane Katrina.

Fitch, his mother Kaylee, and the rest of their pack were originally owned by a lady from Gulfport, Miss. When news of the hurricane spread, the big-hearted woman took the occupants of her Scottie rescue shelter with her and fled to LeClaire, Iowa to stay with her sister.

She originally intended to return to her home with her companions, but after she got word that the hurricane demolished her house and kennels, she made the difficult decision to adopt out the dogs before leaving the Midwest.

Prospective owners came and went, scooping up most of the three-year-old Fitch's family last fall. When his own journey ended, in September, he didn't find the Munchkins waiting for him, but he did find the Ostrand-Brown family of Moline.

"We originally were just going to get Kaylee," said his owner, Sharon Ostrand, "but then the boys (her sons Riley Ostrand and Ian and Tyler Brown) went back out with my husband and fell in love with Fitch because he was so playful. They called and said `we really want Fitch' so I said just bring both of them home."

She's had no regrets. And, it seems, neither has Fitch, she says.

"When he first got here I think it was hard for him because by the time he hit our house it was his third residence," Sharon said. "His personality changed when he moved from LeClaire. He wasn't as playful for a while, he acted a bit traumatized and stand-offish. But he adjusted and he's back to his old self. I think he realizes he's not going to be making any more moves."

Unless it's to Hollywood. Not only did Fitch find himself a home, but he got a career.

"I work with (show director) Bob Williams' wife, Jenny, and he told her that he was looking for a Scottie to play Toto, and I said, well, I've got the one for you," Sharon said.

"He's really very good at it," she added. "Ian says he has great stage presence -- and he does. He has one of those tails that swoops right up. He's pretty cute. He's very good at cowering in front of the witch. But the hardest thing to get him to do is to re-enter. they have to coax him with doggie treats.

"But he doesn't have any stage fright. He's not intimidated by it at all."

Hey, why would he be?

After all, what are a few weeks of simulated Kansas tornados compared to the mother of all hurricanes?

Not only that, but he shows up on time, never bites his fellow cast members and refrains from pooping on the set.

Lindsay Lohan, take note.

More Record Profits For War Profiteering, Price-Gouging Gas Companies!

2006-07-28T04:20:00.000-05:00

Hmm. Nice to know oil company execs are INDIVIDUALLY cashing $400 million dollar checks and companies are making record profits every three months while we Americans are paying over $3 for a gallon of gas.

Remember the good old days of gas under $1 a gallon, when the only thing we had to worry about was the President cheating on his wife?

Exxon posts fresh bumper profits
BBC News

Oil giant Exxon Mobil has posted the second-largest quarterly profit ever recorded by a publicly-traded US firm.

Helped by high oil prices, the company earned $10.4bn (£5.6bn) in the second quarter of 2006 - a 36% increase on the same period of 2005.

Exxon, which is the world's biggest oil company, said its quarterly revenues rose by 12% to $99bn.

Global oil prices are at record highs because of ongoing concern about the security situation in the Middle East.

Windfall taxes

With Exxon and the other oil giants continuing to set fresh record profits, some analysts say there might be a backlash against the sector.

Critics argue that it is unfair for the oil firms to pass on the high price of crude oil to motorists at the same time as pocketing record earnings, leading to calls for the introduction of windfall taxes.

Exxon's results beat Wall Street expectations, but came in just behind its record profit of $10.7bn set in the fourth quarter of 2005.

Its trading statement comes a month after investors defied the Exxon board and approved a resolution saying directors should be chosen by a majority vote.

It represented a victory for Exxon investors angered by the near-$400m retirement package of ex-chairman and chief executive Lee Raymond.

POINTS TO CONSIDER:

* The oil companies bitch and whine and give excuses about why gas prices are so high, but every time they post a quarter of record profits they're revealed as liars. These are PROFITS. Not grosses. For those who don't know the difference, grosses are the total amount of money brought in. Grosses would go up in correlation to the high price of oil since companies would have to charge more to cover those material costs. But profits are the money brought in AFTER all their expenses, including the material costs of crude, are taken out. So, in other words, they're making this money ON TOP OF the additional dough they're charging us to cover the rising costs.

Both the oil companies and the suppliers (more on them in a minute) are using the war as an excuse to jack up prices (i.e. war profiteering) while cashing in tax breaks from the Bush government and screwing over consumers by overcharging them (i.e. price gouging) to fatten their profits. The U.S. government, or, rather, a government that wasn't in the back pocket of big oil, should a.) convene a committee to look into price gouging and take action against companies that do so; and b.) start up a windfall tax to take more of these profits from the oil companies. Where should the profits go? Perhaps to our troops, who have had their benefits cut and the amounts for body armour and supplies cut from the budget in recent years. After all, if they're going to be over there in Iraq and the Middle East to essentially secure our oil supply, the companies benefitting the most from their presence should be footing the bill.

* The second big point, which includes the suppliers' duplicity: Israel and the Arabs have been fighting for about, oh, the entire time since Israel was technically founded and long before when it was merely a religious squabble. Neither Israel nor Lebanon are oil producing giants. So WHAT EXCUSE DO THE OIL PRODUCERS AND COMPANIES HAVE FOR JACKING UP PROFITS? Because there ``might be'' a threat to Iran or any of the other oil giants in the area? Please. The fighting has been going on for ages in that area and has yet to spill over to any of these other countries. They're just using it as an excuse to line their pockets.

* The last point: Maybe it would be a good idea for Congress to demand that all information from Dick Cheney's 2001 energy task force meetings be made public. For one thing, since we the taxpayers paid for the meetings, we deserve to know. For another, energy prices -- and not just gas, but natural gas and electricity (particularly in Western states) -- have mysteriously been spiking ever upward since then. Like Clinton or not, when he was in office the price of gas was under $1 a gallon despite strife in the middle east. Once Bush-Cheney got into power, the cost of energy started going through the roof. Does that have anything to do with Cheney's plans early on? Was this mapped out? Is that a crazy conspiracy theory? Well, let's find out. Let's see all the details about those meetings.

Superhighway From Mexico Set To Roar Through Quad-Cities

2006-07-26T22:06:00.000-05:00

Read the article below. This is not a joke. This is not a ``conspiracy theory.'' After reading this info on a couple of sites I actually looked this up on the government's own website as well as various other sites Googled from info below. And sure enough, they are looking to build a superhighway from southern Mexico through the U.S. and up into Canada -- and on the pathway through the corridor to the east is the Quad-Cities.

And people are concerned about illegal immigration NOW?

Read on, be informed, do your own research, make up your own minds. The non-Internet media is completely ignoring this for some reason, I don't know why. So write letters to the editors of your newspapers (dailies and weeklies) about it, call your local talk radio station programs to talk about this and call your TV stations telling them you want them to start reporting it and you want to learn more about it.

It's a pretty fascinating story...

NAFTA Superhighway RFID Card For US Citizens
Trusted traveler toll road system means government will decide if, where you travel

Paul Joseph Watson/Prison Planet.com | July 26 2006

US citizens will be forced to adopt a de-facto national identification card and have their freedom of mobility defined by behavioural fielty to the government under proposals set to derive from NAFTA superhighway toll road systems and the implementation of the American Union.

Existing toll road systems operational at US borders such as SENTRI/NEXUS and the FAST program mandate that passing vehicles are enrolled in RFID passive tracking and identification programs linked to central databases.

The open plan to merge the US with Mexico and Canada and create a Pan American Union networked by a NAFTA Super Highway has long been a Globalist brainchild but its very real and prescient implementation on behalf of the Council on Foreign Relations has recently come under bright spotlight.

According to author Jerome Corsi,

"Across the NAFTA Super-Highways will flow millions more Mexicans, now armed with North American border passes and biometric identification, as defined by the Security and Prosperity Partnership of North America working groups organized within the Department of Commerce."

Similar toll systems snaking their way from the southern and northern borders cutting through major American cities will force American citizens to submit to having RFID enabled identification cards which contain an ever-increasing array of information about their personal lives.

Illegal aliens with cloned RFID transponders will enjoy streamlined access to the US while Americans labor under the financial burden of tolls that go directly to foreign corporations and restrictions that take the right of free travel out of their hands.

To even be allowed to use major roads and highways, US citizens will be subject to a criminal background check and the government will have the ability to pinpoint their particular RFID signal and remotely block it from central computer mainframes - effectively abolishing freedom of mobility in America.

Political dissidents attending protests or hurricane victims attempting to flee could find their journeys cut short at the whim of beaureacrats under the guise of 'protecting national security'.

A May 2006 Homeland Security audit predicts that increasing amounts of traveller's personal information will be stored on central computer databases and readable via passive RFID tracking. It forecasts an expansion of the 'trusted traveler' system being introduced in airports to all major roads and highways.

The Bush administration has embraked on a policy of selling off key US infrastructure to the highest bidder - in most cases foreign owned corporations. The Indiana Toll Road, Virginia's Pocahontas Parkway, a Texas toll road from Austin to Sequin and The Chicago Skyway have all been siphoned off to foreign companies who will all enjoy billions in profits from American citizens forced to pay the tolls.

The New Jersey Turnpike and the Ohio Turnpike are also under the hammer with foreign interests at the forefront of the negotiations.

The framework on which the American Union is being pegged is the NAFTA Super Highway (pictured) , a four football-fields-wide leviathan that stretches from southern Mexico through the US up to Montreal Canada.

An earlier Corsi article cites government websites which carry full planning details of the Super Highway and its construction has already begun in Texas with no congressional oversight whatsoever. The Trans-Texas Corridor is being overseen by The Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) and the contract is owned by the Cintra corporation which in turn is owned by the King of Spain Juan Carlos. The project is being financed by the implementation of a toll that will be collected by means of GPS tracking devices installed in all vehicles and also envelops many connecting roads to the highway.

The NAFTA Super Highway will allow vehicles, people and goods to travel from Mexico, into the heart of America and up to Canada with little impediment, effectively erasing America's borders wholesale.

Coupled with Bush's blanket amnesty program, the Pan American Union and the NAFTA Superhighway are the final hammer blows for the wholesale dismantling of American sovereignty.

COLUMN: Magic Comes To A Small Town

2006-07-26T01:40:00.000-05:00

What is it about small Midwestern towns and fantasy festivals?

Metropolis, Ill. celebrates its status as the boyhood home of Superman every year.

Riverside, Iowa, basks in the glory of being likewise for Captain Kirk on an annual basis.

And now, inexplicably, Princeton, Ill., has adopted Harry Potter with the annual Platform 9 3/4 Festival.

What possible tie pleasant little Princeton has to the decidedly British sorcery series is beyond me (umm...one has Prince in the name and the other comes from a country that has a prince?), but the festival's founders made a genius move in stitching their star to Potter's wizard's hat.

Last year's inaugural event drew a reported 5,000 people.

Total population of Princeton, according to the 2000 census? A whopping 7,501.

So it was with great curiousity that I braved a demon storm to attend this year's event last Friday, July 21.

The awful weather obviously dealt a blow to the crowd count, but even so, an estimated 1,500 hit Main Street drifting from store to store, each outfitted to reflect a particular place from author J.K. Rowling's fertile mind.

A "Knight Bus" trolley glided slowly past a haunted house, storefronts boasting "philosopher's stone readings," picture windows made up with actors portraying "living photos," trivia contests, a duplicate of the famous Hogwarts Academy and various venues decked out in papier mache owls, glowing stars, witches hats and assorted wizardly items.

Families in medieval costumes posed for snapshots, kids in cloaks and thick black glasses outnumbered those in ordinary attire and a gigantic "living chess match" was played in the middle of Main Street. Lines twisted dozens deep to get concoctions like "Goblin snot," "pumpkin juice" and "butterbeer." People flocked around a man giving a program on owls, featuring his own pet bird, Dickens.

And still, one of the main draws was a friendly golden lab named Hagrid, lapping up attention from children eager to pet him.

I've been to a lot of these sorts of events. I expect them to be a melding of geekdom and gauging. But this was different. While the festival is certainly a canny gimmick to draw in visitors' dollars, it's blissfully devoid of the huckster feel of many sci-fi gatherings. The events were free to the public, and shopkeepers, rather than giving off an air of bait-and-switch opportunism, acted more like first grade teachers throwing their pupils a Halloween party.

People were invariably very friendly. Children had a true sense of wonder. One little boy gasped "It's Dumbledore!" as he pointed to a particularly convincing doppelganger. The sound of laughter could be heard everywhere. It was as if the kids couldn't believe the exotic world of Harry Potter was being brought alive for them in this little town.

Which, when you put it into perspective, is really the most amazing thing about the experience.

The Harry Potter mythology has kept people of all ages and walks of life spellbound. That bond was born 12 years ago as a spark in the eye of a welfare mother scribbling stories in a notepad in dingy English laundromats and cafes, stealing time while her infant daughter slept.

The rags-to-incredible-riches tale of Potter creator J.K. Rowling has been told many times before. But it's no less amazing each time it's heard. Unemployed, single mother on state assistance struck by brilliance, allowed to bring her story to fruition through a Scottish Arts Council grant, clicking away on a manual typewriter, rejected by 12 publishing houses and only accepted by a thirteenth because her manuscript mistakenly ended up in the hands of the company head's eight-year-old daughter, who loved it.

And a little over a decade later, a town thousands of miles away almost doubles its population in one day with people touched by her words. People sharing a sincere connection that in many cases may be their only commonality.

Now that's magical.

REVIEW: Rob Zombie Entertains The 12-Year-Old Delinquent In All Of Us

2006-07-20T00:33:00.000-05:00

MOLINE -- This is exactly the kind of concert that would've thrilled me when I was a 12-year-old delinquent BMX biking to the mall to sneak into R-rated movies.

That it still entertains me so thoroughly as an adult probably says as much about me as it does about Rob Zombie and Anthrax.

Nevertheless, I, and roughly 4,000 others had a hell of a time at The Mark of the Quad Cities Wednesday night as the pair of acts charged up the Moline arena for a good three-plus hours.

Full of good, clean-ish monster movie fun and grindhouse melodic metal, Zombie's show is a must-see. The multi-talented ghoulmaster is a rare breed of performer, a master of spectacle that, regardless of your musical taste, deserves credit for his singular style and the energy he brings to delivering it.

With the theme song from "Halloween" oozing from the speakers, Zombie's creepfest came to life. Spooky video and lighting accompanied the instrumental "Sawdust In The Blood" as he and his band stalked onto a stage flanked by massive posters of Frankenstein and the Wolfman, scores of American flags, decrepit skulls and blood red lights.

A cool, E.C. Comics-style cartoon on a Godzilla-sized screen accompanied the opening stabs of "American Witch" slicing through the speakers. The song burbled and sparked its potent sonic spell, enchanting the bloodthirsty throng.

"I am very much in the mood for this tonight," Zombie growled as the crowd howled and forked devil signs into the air, segueing into a clip of "Dr. Satan's Carnival" as prelude to a giddily gruesome "Living Dead Girl" which slithered over shards of guitar and a crackling beat.

Action-packed Ultraman videos and a guy in a 10-foot-tall robot costume with glowing eyes stalking the stage accompanied "More Human Than Human," and really, you had to love it. Triumphant peals of guitar tore through the arena as Zombie's rocket-fuel gurgling voice spit through an earthquake-inducing bassline.

A sexy silhouette gyrated behind the bad "Foxy Foxy," which was all thrusting guitar and lascivious lyrics. And a hilarious clip from "The Munsters" preceded a titanic "Dragula," its pile-driving verses and sumo-sized choruses juiced with the adrenaline from thousands of fans shouting along.

The only mis-step of the night, in my opinion, was the eerie footage of the Manson family accompanying a few of the tunes. Perhaps it's because the bloody story of Adrienne Reynolds is still shrieking from the headlines but there was an uncomfortable realism to it that lacked the goofy, over-the-top creepshow fun of Zombie's haunted house-style antics. Still, it was a minor slip in what was otherwise a very enjoyable night.

The key ingredient to Zombie's appeal is simple -- authenticity. His shows are full of bawdy cheese but he's not a gimmick. He's passionate about what he does and you get a palpable sense that he's having the time of his life on stage and just wants his fans to do the same.

Judging by the response last night at The Mark, it's safe to say his mission was accomplished.

Opening the show, Anthrax delivered a tight, terrific hour of old school speed metal highlighted by a bruising "Efilnikufesin (N.F.L.)," the roundhouse kick of "Bring The Noise" and the ominous axe chop homage to Judge Dredd, "I Am The Law."

COLUMN: When Will The Smut End?

2006-07-18T12:03:00.000-05:00

When will the smut end?

Isn't it bad enough our pop culture is awash in a tide of lewd, lascivious behavior? You look around at TV and movies and see everything from pimping rides to dating lesbian Moms to gratuitous jowl stroking.

But now, it's happening even here in our tender Quad-Cities.

This weekend, the tide of lechery washes up on the banks of the mighty Mississip, the old river, the old man. On Saturday night Davenport's Bucktown Center for the Arts, 225 E. 2nd St. (I mention the location so the righteous and their children can duly avoid it), will "pull out the stops" (that's what they're calling it nowadays) for its Anniversary Bash.

A larger story on this page gives you the nice, scrubbed up version they want to use to lure you into the wretched excess they're pitching to innocent damsels and young men.

But scratch beyond the surface and it's a spectacle that includes demon jazz, devil alcohol and pitchforky "penny naughties," peep booths that diabolically display pictures of ladies' bare ankles -- some up to the lace of their pantaloons.

It's a lurid ride of decadence that even event coordinator Melissa Coulter has to admit is dangerously dark in its temptation.

"The muses have pulled us artists into this spiral of late nights, large drinks and frenzied dancing," she admitted, describing the appeal. "Much moonshine and bathtub gin will be available for the consumption of the general public, whilst they shimmy their garters off to the sultry sounds of ragtime, German cabaret music and even -- dare I say -- jazz.

"It also helps that at the event you can get any of that for a buck."

So it's cheap, and cheap.

But did she know that scientific research has shown that the sight of a shapely, curved, bare female ankle has caused men to exhibit impure thoughts?

"Silky, white skin. A careless kick to the side. Lace brushes against her...er, uh, what? No I didn't realize that," she said, dabbing a kerchief to her glistening, er, forehead.

It gets worse.

"Not only that, but there has been some talk of allowing women to wear pants or even knickers that expose their stockinged calves," she said. "And those flappers are already noodling around without their corsets and with bobbed hair, so what do we have to lose?"

Your immortal soul, Melissa. Your immortal soul.

So why offer this sultry soiree? Why not have something like a nice bingo night or a jelly-cooking jam-boree and charades-off?

"We believe there are more sinners than saints in these towns," Melissa claims. "Of course, we cordially invite the saints to attend as well, to instruct us all in the elements of morality and to provide a good example."

We'll see about that.

Now, my Righteousness Glee Club and I may be there with protest signs and bullhorns, but perhaps not. We're quite busy right now writing letters to newspapers to protest the tightness of the country music t-shirts on Aunt Fritzi in the sinful comic Nancy. (Brooks and Dunn would be ashamed.)

Besides, Saturday morning we'll be camping out at The Mark of the Quad Cities in Moline for something more wholesome.

That's right. Tickets go on sale at 10 a.m. that day for the Family Values Tour, coming to The Mark August 25.

I haven't heard a whole lot about it, but judging by its name and from a quick look at the press release it seems like good, clean fun. The fax here says the show will feature Korn, which they misspelled, but a good corn boil is always swell in the late summer. And the event also has something called Stone Sour, which I assume is a virgin Amaretto Stone Sour. That'll be a refreshing beverage to serve with the corn.

There's also paintball, swimming pools and sideshow attractions. Sounds like a super time.

And not a "penny naughty" in site.

Take that, Bucktown.

Privatization Of Public Infrastructure Is Bull*&^%

2006-07-17T15:56:00.000-05:00

This is bull.

Our infrastructure has been paid for by OUR TAXES. The money coming out of OUR paychecks for our entire working lives. It belongs to US.

These money-grubbing politicians need to remember that. And they need to remember who they're here to really serve -- the people who voted them into office.

People should be protesting in the streets over this, and every newspaper in the country with even an ounce of balls should have this on their front page while flagging to a scathing editorial railing against it.

PRIVATIZATION OF THE GOVERNMENT SERVICES AND GOODS WE'VE PAID FOR IS ILLEGAL, IMMORAL, UNETHICAL AND DOES NOT WORK.

Read your history. Privatization and deregulation DOES NOT WORK. Look at the late '20s and how the depression took hold in the '30s. And then look at what's happening to us now.

Selling our taxpayer financed infrastructure is nothing short of treasonous when you consider the inevitable negative long-term consequences.

Or do you want the multi-billionaire Bin Laden family owning YOUR highways?

Foreign Companies Buy U.S. Roads, Bridges

Newsmax | July 16 2006

Roads and bridges built by U.S. taxpayers are starting to be sold off, and so far foreign-owned companies are doing the buying.

On a single day in June, an Australian-Spanish partnership paid $3.8 billion to lease the Indiana Toll Road. An Australian company bought a 99-year lease on Virginia's Pocahontas Parkway, and Texas officials decided to let a Spanish-American partnership build and run a toll road from Austin to Seguin for 50 years.

Few people know that the tolls from the U.S. side of the tunnel between Detroit and Windsor, Canada, go to a subsidiary of an Australian company — which also owns a bridge in Alabama.

Some experts welcome the trend. Robert Poole, transportation director for the conservative think tank Reason Foundation, said private investors can raise more money than politicians to build new roads because these kind of owners are willing to raise tolls.

"They depoliticize the tolling decision," Poole said. Besides, he said, foreign companies have purchased infrastructure in Europe for years; only now are U.S. companies beginning to get into the business of buying roads and bridges.
Gas taxes and user fees have fueled the expansion of the nation's highway system. Thousands of miles of roads built since the 1950s changed the landscape, accelerating the growth of suburbia and creating a reliance on motor vehicles to move freight, get to work and take vacations.

In 1956, President Eisenhower pushed to create the interstate highway system for a different: to move troops and tanks and evacuate civilians.

The Bush administration's plan to let a foreign company manage U.S. ports met a storm of protest in February. But plans to sell or lease highways to companies outside the United States have not met such resistance.

John Foote, senior fellow at Harvard's Kennedy School of Government, said the government can take over a highway in an emergency. But he objects to selling roads to raise cash.

But that is just what Chicago has done.
Last year, the city sold a 99-year lease on the eight-mile Chicago Skyway for $1.83 billion. The buyer was the same consortium that leased the Indiana Toll Road — Macquarie Infrastructure Group of Sydney, Australia, and Cintra Concesiones de Infraestructuras de Transporte of Madrid, Spain.

Chicago used the money to pay off debt and fund road projects. Skyway tolls rose 50 cents, to $2.50; By 2017, they will reach $5.

The Indiana Toll Road lease is a better deal, Foote thinks, because the proceeds will pay for urgent projects such as road and bridge improvements.

That need is precisely why cities and states have begun to look to foreign investors.

Between 1980 and 2004, people drove 94 percent more highway miles, according to Federal Highway Administration statistics. But the number of new highway lane miles rose by only 6 percent.

Washington is not likely to produce more money to build roads. The federal highway fund — which will have a balance of about $16 billion by the end of 2006 — will run out in 2009 or 2010, according to White House and congressional estimates.

About half the states now let companies build and operate roads. Many changed their laws recently to do so.

So Illinois lawmakers are examining privatizing the Illinois Tollway, New Jersey lawmakers are considering selling 49 percent of the state's two big toll roads and a gubernatorial candidate in Ohio wants to sell the turnpike.

Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels, who championed his state's toll road deal, now wants investors to build and operate a toll road from Indianapolis to Evansville.

Patrick Bauer, the Indiana House's Democratic leader, says such deals are taxpayer rip-offs.

Bauer believes Macquarie-Cintra could make $133 billion over the 75-year life of the Indiana Toll Road lease — for which Indiana got $3.8 billion.

"In five, maybe 10 years, all that money is gone, and the tolls keep rising and the money keeps flowing into the foreign coffers," Bauer said.

Orange County, Calif., got burned by a toll-road lease for a different reason.

The road, part of state Route 91, was built and run for $130 million by California Private Transportation Company, partly owned by France-based Compagnie Financiere et Industrielle des Autoroutes. The toll road opened in 1995.

Seven years later, Orange County was looking at gridlock. But it could not build more roads because of a provision in the lease. So it bought back the lease — for $207.5 million.

To encourage more domestic investment in highways, former Transportation Secretary Norman Y. Mineta made a pitch to Wall Street on May 23.

"The time is now for United States investors — including our financial, construction and engineering institutions — to get involved in transportation investments," said Mineta, who left office July 7.

U.S. companies are getting the message.

San Antonio-based Zachry Construction Co., along with Cintra, received approval on June 29 for a 50-year lease to build and run a toll road from Austin to Seguin for $1.3 billion.

That is part of Texas Gov. Rick Perry's vision to attract more than $80 billion in private funds for roads by 2030. He wants a new tollway from Oklahoma to Mexico and the Gulf Coast, and one from Shreveport, La., and Texarkana to Mexico. Cintra-Zachry reached a $7.2 billion deal last year to develop the project's first phase. The announcement of a $1.3 billion deal in June was part of that $7.2 billion agreement, said Perry's spokesman, Robert Black.

"In Texas, our population is going to double in the next 40 years and our current infrastructure can't handle that growth," Black said.

Not everyone in Texas buys the idea. Harris County officials recently voted against selling three toll roads. Also, independent gubernatorial candidate Carole Keeton Strayhorn opposes Perry's toll road plan.

"Texas freeways belong to Texans, not foreign companies," she said.

COLUMN: Sierra, Ashlee, Gaston... I'm Sorry

2006-07-11T11:19:00.000-05:00

Sierra, I'm sorry.

Call me several times burned and now shy, but I must reject your offer of friendship.

Unfortunately, the same goes for you, Pat and Carole, and you, Ashlee, and, sadly, Stephanie and Katrina as well.

And Gaston, don't even go there.

Now, I understand, you've tried contacting me via e-mail a number of times. I see your messages, with their pert subject lines --- "hello!" "Someone wants to meet you" and who can forget "Want to come play tonight?" I admit, you are nothing if not ardent in your proposed ardor.

However, too often in the past, I've figuratively ripped open these entreaties with bated breath, filled with anticipation of a burgeoning relationship, and been soured with the over-ripe fruit of disappointment.

Instead of companionship, you offer me Rolexes. Cheap Rolexes, yes, but I already have several watches.

Other times, your message is nothing but stock tips. I can tell they must be good by your overuse of exclamation marks, but they hold little interest for me.

Sometimes, in very dark times, you've even given me viruses.

Oh, how I fondly recall the good old days, when you sent me offers of READY and WILLING women in my area who WANTED TO MEET me. I cherish those fading remainders of the days when my mailbox teemed with the promise of millions of dollars from Mobutus, sure-fire Male Enhancement and bootleg copies of Photoshop.

But as Eric Cartman sang, before his "South Park" days, in the hit song "All By Myself," "...those days are gone."

Now, I think we have a communication problem.

You send me mixed messages. Strange, coded mixed messages. They begin with the aforementioned offers of cheap watches, or stock tips, but then degenerate into a scramble of seemingly random words.

"Banana Monsieur Topper Albino Mosquito Burrito Tickler Tang Camaro Windex Cooler Delicious Filipe Blonde Asparagus Anvil Yum Yum..."

Have you been drinking and e-mailing again?

I told you I was sorry. I thought I made it clear it was best we both moved on. Especially when everything you say to me is in jibberish.

However, judging by today's e-mail box, you seem to have ignored my desires -- once again.

Therefore, I can no longer open your messages. I just can't take the chance of my heart, and my hard drive, becoming infected with your bird flu of betrayal. I must delete you, from my mailbox...and my very soul.

And you must move on, the same way I did.

Through the magic of chain letters.

That's right! Just make a wish and send out copies of this column to 10 of your friends within the next 15 minutes!!! If you do, then your fondest wish will come true!!!! But don't delay...

Sir, I Have Met Chickenzilla, I Have Worked With Chickenzilla, And You Sir, Are No Chickenzilla...

2006-07-08T14:20:00.000-05:00

Straight out of the too bizarre file...

from Associated Press...

Mascot charged with fondling fan
Friday July 7, 2006 3:49PM

GREENVILLE, S.C. (AP) -- A man who played the mascot for a minor league baseball team was arrested after a woman said she was fondled at a game in April.

Cecil McLaurin Amick III, 37, of Boiling Springs, portrays Reedy Rip'It, a giant frog for the Greenville Drive of the Class A South Atlantic League. He faces a misdemeanor charge of molesting.

According to an incident report from the Greenville Police Department, the woman said she and a friend were leaving their seats at West End Field when the mascot grabbed her breast in a stairwell.

She reported it to the team the next day, but she said she could not immediately get Amick's name, according to the report.

Amick was arrested June 27.

The team's general manager, Mike DeMaine

REVIEW: Circa's `On Golden Pond' A Sublime Dramedy

2006-07-05T13:14:00.000-05:00

`On Golden Pond' will be presented through Sept. 2 at Circa '21, 1828 3rd Ave., Rock Island. (309) 786-7733, ext. 2.

By Sean Leary
sleary@qconline.com

Circa '21's new ``On Golden Pond'' is sublime, a very well done dramedy boasting uniformly strong work by the cast and crew and two incredible leads who give deep, nuanced performances that are more difficult than they make them look.

For those who haven't seen the show, it's set in summer at a rustic New England resort area, Golden Pond, where the Thayer family has vacationed for many decades. The heads of the family, Norman (Michael Kennedy) and Ethel (Barbara Fayth Humphrey) have returned, in fading health, for what could be the last time. During their stay they're visited by local buddy Charlie (Tom Walljasper), daughter Chelsea (Kimberly Furness), her fiance/husband Bill Ray (Adam Michael Lewis) and his son Billy Ray (Shane Miller.) Life passes, with discussion, rumination and wonder, and old fences are mended and chatted over.

Written and first produced in the late '70s, Ernest Thompson's script is essentially a warm metaphorical farewell to what Tom Brokaw dubbed "The Greatest Generation," a snapshot of its struggles with its offspring, the baby boomers, and its parallel and rebirth in their offspring, a then-nascent Generation X. However, its universal themes of dislocation between parents and children still resonate.

I wasn't too surprised at how much I enjoyed Circa's version. Going in, I figured it would be good, and my only concern was that it wouldn't live up to my high expectations.

After all, the line-up of big names accumulated here is staggering. Kennedy, Furness, Walljasper and Lewis are amazing actors and director Dennis Hitchcock is one of the best.

However, while each of those talents certainly lived up to expectations, the biggest and most pleasant surprise for me comes from a woman who had never set foot on the Circa stage before -- Barbara Fayth Humphrey. Humphrey's work as Ethel, the elderly matriarch of the Thayer family, is wonderful. She deftly sails between emotional ranges and accomplishes a feat that's far more difficult than it seems -- being ebullient without being saccarine.

Kennedy has a similar task, making her husband, Norman, transcend the cliche of the gruff-but-lovable old guy whose youth is reborn through his grandson. But Kennedy imbues Norman with an uncomfortable distance within himself that makes his crankiness seem more like a coping mechanism than a contrived character trait.

Likewise, Furness is excellent in balancing the joy and bitterness of Chelsea, taking a part that could rub off as unsympathetic and giving it a deeper well of understanding than even the script provides.

Circa has been on a roll this year. The big musicals "Grease" and "Cats" did gangbuster business. As a drama, "On Golden Pond" is a much tougher sell, especially in the summer season, but it definitely deserves the same success. I highly recommend it.

COLUMN: The Bornhoefts Are Back...With Jack

2006-07-03T13:20:00.000-05:00

They're back.

The characters of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie? Yup, sure, they're back this weekend with the new film "Dead Man's Chest."

But I was talking about the Bornhoeft brothers, Steven and Chris.

The friends of mine who soared to local fame in this column and several other media outlets for their creativity and fervent devotion to the "Star Wars" saga have returned.

However, this time they're not bringing any homemade droids, giant wookiee costumes or Darth Vader masks with them. Just their usual infectiously fun attitude and another cool idea for making a movie more of an event.

This weekend, the pair will team up with VideoGames Etc. for events Friday and Saturday at the Showcase Cinemas 53 in Davenport tied into the release of "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest."

Steven will be out at the theater Friday night, dressed as Captain Jack and handing out trinkets and treats to kids. On Saturday morning, prior to the first showings of the film, Steven and Chris will be there in pirate regalia, leading games and giving out pirate-themed prizes. VideoGames Etc. will feature a screen where kids can play the latest "Pirates" game as well. In addition, the Bornhoefts will have pictures from the event posted on their website, along with photos from their other events, at www.qcjo.com.

So what gave them the idea?

"When we were kids, my grandpa George Cordell, who passed away last August, used to set up pirate treasure hunts for me and Steven and the other kids in the family out in Colona where he lived," Chris said. "The first one we did was in his yard but in the years after that he expanded it to be a scavenger hunt through the city. He'd give us clues to find pieces of a map and you'd have to find them and put them together to find the location of a treasure. He'd make us swords and hats and all that stuff. It was really fun.

"I know when my kids are here (he and his wife Liz will be parents for the first time in December) my Mom is gonna want to do that, hold treasure hunts and stuff like that," Chris said. "I guess we just wanted to do that for other kids too, kind of pass that on."

The Bornhoefts had the idea about a year in advance of the new film. Steven had been a fan of Captain Jack since the first movie and had compiled a costume and props. Once they were ready to roll, they gave the cinemas a call, and understandably they were more than happy to invite them over. "The people at the theaters have been nothing but great throughout the whole thing," Chris said.

Are there any other films they might decide to tackle?

"We're having the Ark of the Covenant built right now, so I think the next big thing we'll do will be with the new Indiana Jones movie in 2008," Chris said.

By that time, Chris' own child will be on hand to enjoy the proceedings -- and he says he can't wait. He says he's never going to impose his pop cultural passions onto his children. Rather, as his parents did with him and Steven, he is going to allow his kids the freedom to find their own paths and allow them to follow their own imaginations -- as long as they want.

"The things I'm into now are things I was into when I was five -- it just never went away, and above all I want to instill that in my kids and pass that along. A lot of people lose sight of that as they get to be a teenager or an adult but Steven and I were very lucky because we had a family that never let us lose sight of what made us happy when we were kids."

Are All Highways About To Be Turned Into Tollways?

2006-07-01T23:20:00.000-05:00

More interesting information. You know the drill: I present, you decide. :-)

Is the story below B.S.? Uncovered truth? Or something in the middle? Read it and make up your own mind...

Feds Pave The Way To Toll and Privatize Interstate Highways as Part of American Union

By Bob Dacy
Infowars.com
June 29, 2006

On July 29, 2005, President Bush signed a bill which permits and promotes the charging of tolls on existing and planned interstate highways, bridges, and tunnels. Before the passage of the bill, known as SAFETEA-LU, or “Safe, Accountable, Flexible, Efficient Transportation Equity Act: A Legacy for Users”, it was generally illegal to charge tolls on roads built with Federal funds. What’s more, the tolls collected will be automatic, requiring universally compatible toll transponder tags on every vehicle.

SAFETEA-LU makes possible a variety of programs, all aimed at forcing Americans to pay to travel. To wit:

* “Interstate System Reconstruction & Rehabilitation Pilot Program” allows the tolling of existing interstate highways, bridges, and tunnels to fund repair of existing highways.

* “Interstate System Construction Toll Pilot Program” authorizes tolling existing facilities on the interstate system to fund new interstate highways.

* “Value Pricing Pilot (VPP) Program” allows new tolls on existing toll free facilities such as high occupancy vehicle (HOV) lanes, tolls on new lanes added to existing highways, and electronically collected variable tolls on existing and new toll facilities.

* “Express Lanes Demonstration Program” allows tolling to finance new lanes. Automatic toll collection is REQUIRED and revenue collected may be used to provide a reasonable rate of return on PRIVATE financing, operation, and maintenance costs.

* “High Occupancy Vehicle (HOV) Facilities, SAFETEA-LU Section 1121 (23 USC 166)” authorizes states to build high occupancy toll (HOT) lanes on interstate and non-interstate facilities.

Although most of these programs are experimental, the mindset they demonstrate and the precedents they intend to set will have devastating consequences on all Americans. The mindset is that Americans are lab rats in a maze, who must be tagged and tracked everywhere they go. The consequences to the heretofore taken for granted freedom to travel and to individual pocketbooks are ominous.

`We Are Here Today To Ask Those Still Sleeping To Wake Up And Join Us'

2006-06-30T13:58:00.000-05:00

With the post below, as always, read it, think about it, and make up your own mind...

Charlie Sheen Says 9/11 Movement "Juggernaut Of Truth"
Sends mainstream media a warning during speech at L.A. American Scholars Symposium

Paul Joseph Watson
Prison Planet.com | June 28 2006

Charlie Sheen said the 9/11 truth movement was a juggernaut of truth after he sent a warning to the mainstream media that they should fulfil their roles as the watchdogs of government during a speech this past weekend in L.A. at the American Scholars Symposium.

Introducing Alex Jones at the Sheraton Hotel event, Sheen sidestepped remarks about his remarkable courage in putting his reputation and career on the line in the name of truth by focusing attention on what the conference was intended to achieve.

"We are here today to ask those still sleeping to wake up and join us," said Sheen.

"We are here today to fire a warning show across the bow of mainstream media - to remind them of their original responsibility as civil and political watchdogs," said Sheen, himself the victim of salacious attack dogs of the press since his public stance on 9/11 back in March.

Sheen dedicated the L.A. truth convergence to the victims of 9/11, their families, our children and their children - saying that one of the primary objectives was the "deconstruction of the official myth" behind 9/11 and to drain the "cesspool of lies and distortion we refuse to drown in any longer."

"We are here today to unleash a juggernaut of truth," said Sheen as he urged the 1200 plus attendees to "hold our course, to bang our drums, to sharpen our focus."

The conference was Sheen's idea in the first place and he willingly handed over the organizational reigns to Alex Jones in light of the time consuming hit pieces and false allegations that were thrown his way after he courageously stepped up to the plate three months ago to voice his doubts about the official story of 9/11.

People from as far away as Japan and Australia made the long-haul trip to L.A. to view slick presentations from numerous high profile speakers. Media organizations from Great Britain and Australia were also represented as well as over 100 alternative press outlets.

BYU physics professor Steven Jones' authoritative lecture on the use of incendiary devices in the demolition of the trade towers and building 7 went further than ever before in its conclusive tone on the issue. Jones has now tested steel samples from two different sites that both clearly show the use of thermate as a tool of implosion and the analysis has been verified by two other universities.

Lt. Col. Robert M. Bowman (pictured) , the former head of the Star Wars weapons defense system and Ph.D. in Aeronautics and Nuclear Engineering from Cal Tech, also gave a powerful presentation on the NORAD 9/11 stand down which was extremely well received.

Reuters carried an article about the conference which was syndicated in numerous worldwide media outlets and the Washington Post put out a report yesterday.

The overall sentiment after the conclusion of the conference was that it was the most powerful, informative and progressive 9/11 symposium to date.

The conference was a declaration of independence and a warning to the watching media that major western governments are planning more acts of false flag terrorism in order to justify new wars and geopolitical domination of the globe as well as a domestic police state.

COLUMN: Make Chuck Norris Proud, Support Your Local Art Gallery

2006-06-28T02:02:00.000-05:00

Over the next few months, the Quad-Cities could look like the site for a "Magnum P.I." fan convention, a meeting of '70s male porn stars or part of a radical protest against the Gillette company.

However, the answer for an increase in facial fuzz will have nothing to do with any of the above (c'mon, everyone knows the "Magnum P.I." convention is in March.) Rather, it's part of a hairy proposition offered by the Mode Gallery, 228 W. 3rd St., Davenport, which is holding a "mustache race" benefit to keep the venue afloat.

Now, before I start getting calls from concerned parents or the dirty-minded, let me explain what a "mustache race" is, how it works and why it doesn't involve a tank-topped guy named Cooter who blasts Ozark Mountain Daredevils eight-tracks from his parked truck and offers passersby "a little swig from the jug":

The "race" starts when you sign up at the Mode and shave your face before July 21. You have six weeks to grow a mustache or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

You get people to sponsor your mustache, much like people sponsoring miles for Race for the Cure. When you sign up (registration fee is $15), you receive a t-shirt that says "I helped raise money for Mode Art Gallery, and all I got was this lousy mustache," a button that says "Ask me about my mustache," a packet of information to show sponsors that the Mode is a legitimate non-profit organization, a sheet to keep track of all of your sponsors, and of course, a mustache comb. You gotta keep that baby neat.

On the final day of the mustache race -- Sept. 9 -- the Mode will have a party at which the 'staches will be judged. Whoever gets the most donations wins 10 percent of the amount of all the donations that the gallery receives. Others will be able to win prizes via judging on various categories including style, length, fullness, and resemblance to a historical figure.

If you choose, on that day you can doff the Yosemite Sam look by getting a hot shave from "some sexy professional barber chicks," says Mode gallery owner Nicole Miller.

So where did Nicole get the idea for this obvious attempt to discriminate against New York Yankees players?

"When I lived in Milwaukee, I had a group of five to seven friends that have a mustache race every year, so I'm stealing it from them, with their permission," she says. "They've done it every year for the five years I've known them, and I've always thought it was hilarious. When I was trying to think of catchy fundraisers, I thought that this was the perfect time to bring the mustache race to the public."

Nicole, the real question is, when is it NOT a perfect time to bring a mustache race to the public?

"We have no idea how many dudes will actually be willing to participate," she says, "but we are looking into either putting up a booth, if the city will let us, or making some of those little boxes with straps on them that guys at baseball games wear when they sell peanuts, and setting up a `Barber Shop' at the Bix. My lovely intern Heather and I are going to dress up like barbers with gigantic fake mustaches and sell t-shirts and buttons and paint mustaches on people."

So, any fashion tips for those about to set their facial follicles free? Any hirsute celebrities guys should emulate?

"As far as historical figures or famous people go, the ones that come to my head right away are John Waters, Salvador Dali, Stalin...the Village People would be okay," Nicole said. "It seems like in this category, the people to emulate are either some type of artist or dictator."

Yes, two professions which often have much in common.

In case you're interested in stopping by the Mode and beginning your finest Bob Seger impression yet, doors are open 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Saturday, with special hours during Friday and Saturday evenings for gallery openings and other events and Sunday nights for figure drawing classes. For more info, drop Nicole a line at nicolemiller2@hotmail.com.

Hey, Chuck Norris would be proud of you. Isn't that enough incentive?

Santorum, Fox News Claims Of WMDs Found Quickly Proven False By DOD

2006-06-25T21:58:00.000-05:00

Looks like that ``big scoop'' on Fox News about WMDs in Iraq was as false as all the other big scoops about alleged WMDs in Iraq.

Wonder when Fox News will issue a correction?

From Alternet.org...

Department of Defense disavows Santorum's WMD claims
Posted by Lindsay Beyerstein on June 22, 2006 at 7:53 AM.

Sen Rick Santorum (R-Pa) and Rep. Peter Hoekstra (R-MI) held a press conference yesterday to announce that weapons of mass destruction had been found in Iraq, only to have their claims flatly disavowed by the U.S. Department of Defense.

Santorum and Hoekstra were talking about the degraded and inoperable remnants of Saddam's pre-1991 chemical weapons program that are turning up at various sites around Iraq. Their allegations are based on the U.S. government's own Iraq Survey Group. The very same report convinced President Bush that Iraq did not have WMD.

The DOD flatly disavowed the Congressmen's WMD claims. ThinkProgress: "Fox News’ Jim Angle contacted the Defense Department who quickly disavowed Santorum and Hoekstra’s claims. A Defense Department official told Angle flatly that the munitions hyped by Santorum and Hoekstra are “not the WMD’s for which this country went to war.”

A New Pan-American Union?

2006-06-24T16:00:00.000-05:00

Interesting article. From prisonplanet.com...

Media Unable to Contain Truth about American Union Superstate Agenda

Paul Joseph Watson & Alex Jones/Prison Planet.com
June 21 2006

The open plan to merge the US with Mexico and Canada and create a Pan American Union networked by a NAFTA Super Highway has long been a Globalist brainchild but its very real and prescient implementation on behalf of the Council on Foreign Relations has finally been reported on by mainstream news outlets

After nearly ten years of reporting by Alex Jones and the rest of the Patriot Movement, the establishment press is finally covering serious reports on the plan for a Pan-American Union, based on recent articles by Human Events columnist Jerome Corsi.

World Net Daily reports,

"The White House has established working groups, under the North American Free Trade Agreement office in the Department of Commerce, to implement the Security and Prosperity Partnership, or SPP, signed by President Bush, Mexican President Vicente Fox and then-Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin in Waco, Texas, March 23, 2005."

Where was the mainstream media reporting on this? For that matter, where was the so-called ``alternative'' media reporting on it? Why has this only been reported on the blogosphere thusfar?

The article even carries the admission that the Council on Foreign Relations, often the bane of sophomoric stereotypical caricatures of paranoid conspiracy theorists, played a fundamental role in crafting the policy for the homogenization of the US, Canada and Mexico.

"Many SPP working groups appear to be working toward achieving specific objectives as defined by a May 2005 Council on Foreign Relations task force report, which presented a blueprint for expanding the SPP agreement into a North American union that would merge the U.S., Canada and Mexico into a new governmental form."

This admission is as historical as it is concerning - the CFR moulds the foundational policy for the elimination of American sovereignty and it is passed as executive law within weeks. It is once again evident that the true vestiges of power lie within the ranks of the CFR and the Trilateral Commission who act on policy decided upon by the big brother of multinational semi-secret steering societies, the Bilderberg Group.

Up until five or six years ago the CFR largely operated in the shadows, only publishing its mouthpiece Foreign Affairs, and any inference that the group held sway in US politics or even existed was met by heckles of incredulity from the establishment media. Now the Associated Press openly reports their guiding hand in the drives towards global government.

Jerome Corsi has now filed a FOIA request asking for full disclosure of the SPP office in its activities towards creating a Pan American Union.

The framework on which the American Union is being pegged is the NAFTA Super Highway (pictured) , a four football-fields-wide leviathan that stretches from southern Mexico through the US up to Montreal Canada.

Corsi's article cites government websites which carry full planning details of the Super Highway and its construction has already begun in Texas with no congressional oversight whatsoever. The Trans-Texas Corridor is being overseen by The Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) and the contract is owned by the Cintra corporation which in turn is owned by the King of Spain Juan Carlos. The project is being financed by the implementation of a toll that will be collected by means of GPS tracking devices installed in all vehicles and also envelops many connecting roads to the highway.

The NAFTA Super Highway will allow vehicles, people and goods to travel from Mexico, into the heart of America and up to Canada with little impediment, effectively erasing America's borders wholesale.

Coupled with Bush's blanket amnesty program, the Pan American Union is the final jigsaw piece for the total dismantling of America as we know it.

REVIEW: Bootleggers' Tour Of Broadway A Memorable One

2006-06-21T13:55:00.000-05:00

* ``Bootleggers on Broadway'' will be performed at 7:45 p.m. nightly through Saturday at Circa '21 Dinner Playhouse, 1828 3rd Ave., Rock Island. $41.60, $36.40. (309) 786-7733, ext. 2.

By Sean Leary
sleary@qconline.com

Perhaps the most unsung (no pun intended) performers in the area are the waitstaff at Circa '21 Dinner Playhouse -- the Bootleggers. Given a short time at the beginning of each show to snap off a few wisecracks and sing a few songs to warm up the crowd, the group always makes a positive impression, but their format isn't really a representative showcase for the range or talent each of them possesses.

Fortunately, for the second time in three years, Circa has given the stage over to the Bootleggers for a solo gig, and again, the result is an entertaining show, smoothly performed, featuring some welcome vocal vignettes from the current Broadway musical slate.

That's the night in a nutshell -- roughly 90 minutes of contemporary Broadway tunes broken up periodically by brief introductions. Given the sharp comedic abilities of many of the Bootleggers, I would've preferred more interaction with the audience, but nonetheless, it's a good time.

That lack of interaction is most pronounced at the beginning of ``Broadway,'' which feels rushed. A little more of the casual humor and interplay which usually marks the Bootleggers' regular pre-show routines at the onset of this show would've been a welcome ice-breaker.

Likewise it would've punched the intro up a bit. The program starts slow with a slate of ballads and midtempo numbers. A bigger bang to kick things off would've gone a long way. That said, during that opening roll, the performances are solid, particularly when Andrea Moore's gorgeous voice is given a lush playground on ``All I Ask Of You'' from ``Phantom of the Opera.''

Things really rev up when the group tackles a quartet of tunes from ``Sweeney Todd.'' Russ Berberich and Jan Schmall make a fantastic team on the segment. Berberich brings a subtly ominous tone to his clipped deliveries, and Schmall's beautiful voice effortlessly glides through the material, making the emotional transitions with an admirable ease. Schmall's work throughout the show is magnificent -- her understated brilliance is one of the great highlights of the evening and yet another display of how underrated many of these performers are.

Adam Lewis -- who's long been a favorite of mine, and, in the interest of fair disclosure, who has been in a few shows I've produced and/or directed -- is another gem who shines given extended time in the spotlight. He elevates the otherwise unremarkable tune ``Great Big Stuff,'' from ``Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,'' with his verve and amusing snark.

Lewis is also quite good when he and Lana Finlayson reprise their popular ``They Both Reached for the Gun'' from ``Chicago.'' Despite the fact that I've seen it probably close to a half-dozen times now, the new details they bring to their performances, and the obvious glee they exude doing it, still make it a fun number.

The new tunes from ``The 25th Annual Putnam Co. Spelling Bee'' are full of childlike charm -- Sunshine Woolison's precocious kid mannerisms here and her prissy ``good witch'' persona in ``Popular,'' from ``Wicked,'' were really enjoyable. SarahJayne Snow is superb on the soaring title cut from ``The Color Purple.'' And the cast is mellifluous and majestic on ``Will I?'' from ``Rent.''

Tom Lawrence and Brad Hauskins are a strong comedic pair, and their go at a trio of numbers from ``The Producers'' was terrific. That sharp, funny highlight was rivaled by the cast's ebullient tromp through a memorable trio of tunes from ``Monty Python's Spamalot.''

While I enjoyed the show as a whole, and definitely recommend it, I had a few minor quibbles with the program's arrangement. The beginning, as previously noted, is a little flat with all the slow songs, and the first act would've been better off ending with the numbers from ``Spamalot,'' which were so vibrant, witty and joyously performed that even though the ``Rent'' and ``Chicago'' segments following them were very well done, they still seemed anticlimactic. It perhaps would've been better to put ``Rent'' and ``Chicago'' up front to jumpstart the intro and then rolled from there.

Likewise, I wasn't a fan of all the compositions. I'm really not much of a ballad guy, and some of the material in that style struck me as uninspired, albeit often nicely executed. Also, ``Let's Hang On,'' from ``Jersey Boys,'' was gamely attempted but the stage instrumentation is pale compared to the striking original song, with its biting guitar riff and Frankie Valli's inimitable squall.

But the show is like the Midwest weather. Wait a few moments, and it changes. And with the lion's share of the bits being quite pleasing -- and many of them brilliant -- the Bootleggers show is well worth your time.

COLUMN: Summer Songs To Space Explorers

2006-06-21T02:48:00.000-05:00

It's ADD column time, zipping from topic to topic with the speed of 80 words-per-minute on the keyboard. What do you have for us today, Mr. Wizard? Read on, kids ...

* Was Katie Couric leaving one network for another SUCH a big deal that it deserved letters from George W. Bush and former President Bill Clinton? The Couric sign-off on "Today" before her departure for CBS News was more than just a little over the top. It's not as if she was leaving the morning show to board an experimental NASA flight to Jupiter. Although, man, that would be pretty cool if she was. There's a great sweeps week stunt there, CBS.

* What else can you say about the unfortunate closings of the Readmore Books store and Dick Blick art supply shop in Moline? It's a shame. Thank you to the stores and all the employees for your years of quality service.

* Speaking of quality products, service and hometown businesses, check out the new Coffee Artist Cafe at 1711 5th Ave., Moline. Two friends of mine, Ruby Nancy and Mona Ritemon, are offering up some new twists on the usual coffee shop/arts cafe theme. Like the excellent "home-brewed" Theo's in Rock Island and Fireworks in uptown Moline, the Coffee Artist has a really cool, unique vibe to it.

* So, a day after my June 1 column about former Quad-Citian Chad Holtkamp showing up as an extra in "The Break Up," I got an e-mail from Chad. He had seen the movie and sure enough, he wasn't in it. "I think they shot three or four different endings," he wrote, "and the one I was in wasn't the one they used." Murphy's Law ...

* Speaking of "The Break Up," I saw it and was disappointed. It had some funny parts and some good material but it was too uneven and had some real clunker moments. It was disjointed. Was it supposed to be a drama, a comedy, a romance or what? Sometimes it was light and funny, other times it was slow and quirky and other times the characters were so venomous to each other it made you cringe. You can mix genres but "The Break Up" didn't do so with the deftness needed if you're going to have such jarring juxtapositions in tone.

* Here's a great summer movie idea for the future: Tim Burton directing a movie based on a story sequence from writer Alan Moore's stint on DC Comics' Swamp Thing series.

* The first huge "summer song" of 2006 is saturating the radio. It's Rihanna's "S.O.S." Mark my words, we're going to be hearing it non-stop through September. And that's fine with me. I love it. It's a great song. And, aside from it being really catchy and well produced, here's why: Unlike many hip-hop and pop songs that crib samples, the sample it uses, from Soft Cell's "Tainted Love," actually fits the subject matter of the lyrics. It's not rocket science, but that extra bit of cleverosity (yeah, sure it's a word, look it up in the Rush Limbaugh Dictionary next to "desirous") kicks it up just a few more notches from your average tune.

* On the topic of songs I love that you're going to be hearing non-stop this summer, I present to you Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy." Awesome tune, great band. But I've gotta admit the first time I heard the song it reminded me of the group Hot Chocolate. Remember Hot Chocolate? No? They had a few hits in the '70s that were all over every Rhino Records ``Have A Nice Day'' compilation. Big tunes included "Every 1's A Winner" and "You Sexy Thing" (which was also included in a Burger King ad a few years back.) I'm not saying it's a bad thing Gnarls sounds like them, it's just, er, a thing.

* Coincidence, or something more? Anyone else notice that the two high-profile authors Oprah has ended up clashing with -- Jonathan Franzen and James Frey -- both have the same initials? My prediction for 2007: Oprah ends up embroiled in a controversy with a writer named Jebediah Fordcord.

His book? "Katie Couric: Space Explorer!"

FCC, PTC Go With The Double-Standard

2006-06-19T11:07:00.000-05:00

If you're going to take a moral high ground, consistency is a must.

The FCC came down hard on CBS for airing Janet Jackson's bare boob on Super Bowl Sunday, smacking it with record fines, when CBS had little to do with the content of the show. (The content was provided by CBS sister station MTV, which is owned by Viacom, and neither MTV or Viacom got hit with fines, which is mind-boggling in and of itself.)

Along the years, the FCC has also laid out giant, record fines to Howard Stern and various other shock jocks for their language on the radio.

In doing so, the FCC posited itself on a certain level of policemanship and integrity.

So why is it that the FCC merely slapped the wrist of Fox for broadcasting Nicole Ritchie saying ``fuck'' and ``shit'' at the Billboard Music Awards? Fox got a warning and no fine.

What's more, the Parents' Television Council, which is on the networks like white on rice for any perceived infraction, called the FCC's ruling ``on target.''

You think that might have had something to do with the fact that the infraction was on Fox, which is affiliated with the Fox News Channel, which espouses the same right wing beliefs as the PTC?

The same PTC that has called for the heads of any network that broadcast ``the s-word'' or ``the f-word'' in the past?

Amazing how the rules are constantly changing when they negatively apply to those we call our friends and allies.

The REAL Reason The Cubs Stunk It Up This Weekend

2006-06-19T03:39:00.000-05:00

Oh, thanks North-Siders.

We South-Siders born-and-raised know the REAL reason you stunk it up this past weekend.

We know it was because you were playing the Tigers and didn't want to help the Sox out at all. We know you knew that if you actually won a game or two it might catapult the White Sox back into first place over Detroit.

But could you do even that? Nooooooooooo...

But we know the real score. We know you were throwing those games. We know Mark Prior was serving up gopher balls on Sunday en route to a 12-3 shellacking.

Just wait 'til we play you guys again...

To quote Carl the gardener: ``You will learn the true meaning of the word respect.''

COLUMN: A Look Back At The TV Season That Was, Part Two

2006-06-08T01:04:00.000-05:00

Last week, in this column: I began my two-part commentary on the 2005-'06 TV season with praise for "Prison Break," "House," "Grey's Anatomy" and the CW for picking up "Veronica Mars" and "7th Heaven." I also ripped on "Commander in Chief," Meredith Grey and "Desperate Housewives."

Also last week, Very Special Guest Stars Dolly Parton and Charisma Carpenter stopped by to duet on the country classic, "You Had Me At `I'll Buy You A Beer'"; Rush Limbaugh delivered a poignant message on saying no to drugs after I became hooked on and quickly recovered from an addiction to Nestle Toll-House cookies; and my cute little cousin Oliver joined the column, boxed Tanya Harding, married Trista Rehn and left to become a radio shrink in Seattle.

This week? Part two of my commentary on the 2005-'06 TV season...

* Best show of the year: "Lost." Far and away. Always surprising, always brilliant. It's quickly becoming one of my favorite shows of all time.

* Most disappointing show of the year: "The OC," hands down. In just three short seasons its gone from being one of the smartest, sharpest shows on TV to a dull remnant recycling tired plots and circling the drain. Mischa Barton was right to bail when she did. It'll be interesting to see if the show can somehow rebound -- a la "Beverly Hills, 90210" -- by transitioning into a tongue-in-cheek campfest with soap operatic elements.

* Most annoying reality show: "Wife Swap." Every episode is the same -- oddballs and questionable parents are turned into even more grotesque caricatures. But in the meantime, for our viewing pleasure, we're treated to spousal disharmony and what amounts to, in some cases, child abuse, packaged as entertainment. A show that makes me feel like I need a shower after every viewing.

* A close second: "My Super Sweet 16." A disgusting orgy of narcissism, materialism and exhaltation of superficiality. Between this, the inexplicable staying power of the Paris Hiltons of the world and various other factors it's pretty transparent why Sofia Coppola decided to release a film about Marie Antoinette this year.

* Best reality show: "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." Call me sentimental, but I really enjoy seeing random people's lives changed for the better. Shows like this one, "Miracle Workers" or any of the other uplifting reality programs are a refreshing change from the lurid voyeurism and money porn of many "reality" shows.

* Reality show that's usually weak but this year was really strong: "The Bachelor." Between the beautifully intriguing Moana, the goofily charming Kristen and a bachelor that actually seemed like a decent guy, the show was shaken out of its doldrums.

* These shows stayed too long: "That '70s Show," "Malcolm in the Middle," "Yes, Dear," "Will and Grace," "Joey."

* These shows didn't stay long enough: "Arrested Development," "Invasion," "Miracle Workers," "The Book of Daniel."

* This show stayed just the right amount of time: "Alias."

* The best shows on TV you're probably not watching (judging by the ratings): "Entourage," "Real Time With Bill Maher," "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," "The Andy Milonakis Show," "The Colbert Report."

* Hopefully the alleged last eight episodes of "The Sopranos" (now due next year, after creator David Chase had previously said they'd be ready this fall) will be better than the ones unveiled this past season. After starting the year off with a bang -- with the shocking shooting of Tony -- the show became mired in hit-and-miss plotlines. Yes, yes, yes, Mr. Chase, we get it. This year's Big Theme was the juxtaposition of the banalities of regular life and the thrills of criminal life, which illustrated the seduction of the decadent undertow and somehow justified the amoral behavior and dicey choices of the characters. But couldn't an exploration of boredom have been achieved without being boring?

To which David Chase somewhere replies, "You have the gall to write that after these last two columns?"

Quiet, Chase! I just got the message from Radar that Henry Blake's plane went down. Have some respect, ya jerk...

COLUMN: A Look Back At The TV Season That Was, Part One

2006-06-06T23:07:00.001-05:00

With the final episode of HBO's "The Sopranos" airing last weekend, the 2005-'06 TV season now officially sleeps with the fishes.

In honor -- or, well, somewhat in honor -- of it, I'm taking a look back and commenting on the tube year that was: the good, the bad and the bizarre. Also, in homage to the time-tested television trick of the cliffhanger, I'm making this a two-part column, with part one of the commentary string this week, part two next week.

And in the end, Victoria Principal will wake up and it'll all be a dream...

* We'll start off with some praise, for the folks behind Fox's "Prison Break" and "House." Both begin at a disadvantage in that the plots of every show are essentially the same -- in one, they're always discussing the break-out; in the other, every week there's some weird disease cropping up or labyrinthine medical mystery that needs to be solved at their hospital. However, even given the limitations of their premises and characters, both shows maintained a high quality standard throughout the year, which bodes well for their futures. Never underestimate the imagination of good writers. After all, how many of us wondered how "Lost" was going to keep topping itself when it was saddled with mining the day-to-day lives of a limited number of people in a confined space?

* It was a good thing "Commander in Chief" got canceled. The show went from breakout blockbuster to axe fodder in only a few months, but it was never good enough to justify its high ratings in the first place. Audiences figured that out quickly and it got the fate it deserved.

* Also getting the fates they deserved, in a positive sense, were "Veronica Mars" and "7th Heaven," which were both surprisingly picked up by the new CW network. "Mars" deserved the shot for its brilliance and "Heaven" earned it for its consistent performance over the years.

* The breakout show of the season: "Grey's Anatomy." It keeps getting better and the audiences keep getting bigger. When it moves to Thursday next season it could be a monster -- even going up against "CSI." Why? Because "Grey's" is primarily a female demographic show and "CSI" is primarily a male demographic show and I don't see either audience crossing over too much. They'll both be successful.

* That said, Meredith Grey (of the aforementioned "Anatomy") is perhaps the most annoying, self-centered female character to hit TV since Ally McBeal. There are people literally dying around her on the show and she's pulling a surgeon away from his duties to discuss her problems, which invariably stem from her own poor choices. It's not like the other female characters on the show don't have relationship or life issues, yet somehow they manage to come across far less grating and narcissistic than Meredith. Why can't we just send Meredith away for awhile and have the show be narrated by Izzie or Cristina?

* For the most annoying, self-centered male character to hit TV in years -- and perhaps ever -- look no further than "Desperate Housewives." Bree's son, Andrew, is one of the most vile brats to ooze across the small screen. His likely departure can't arrive soon enough.

* Continuing with "Desperate Housewives," there's blood in the water there. Creatively, the show is slumping and with its hit companion "Grey's" moving to Thursdays, we could see a major smack to its ratings next season if it doesn't get better.

* And as for commentary on "The OC," "The Bachelor," "Lost," "Wife Swap" and more... you'll have to come back next week.

COLUMN: A Look Back At The TV Season That Was, Part One

2006-06-06T23:07:00.000-05:00

One Show Left For My Verona's Critically-Acclaimed ``The Pillowman'' -- TONIGHT at 10 at Comedy Sportz

2006-06-03T12:44:00.000-05:00

Excuse the press release, but I'm pressed for time and this pretty much gets the point across with plenty of hyperbole and answers any questions... last show for ``Pillowman'' is tonight at 10; it's really a great show (don't just take my word for it, check out the critics' blurbs below), so come on down and see it. Later...

THE CRITICS ARE UNANIMOUS: MY VERONA'S `THE PILLOWMAN' IS A MUST-SEE SHOW!

ONLY ONE PERFORMANCE LEFT! 10 P.M. SATURDAY (TONIGHT) AT COMEDY SPORTZ

The reviews are in and the critics are unanimous in their praise of My Verona's ``The Pillowman!''

Ruby Nancy of the Quad-City Times gave the show high praise in her rave review, calling ``Pillowman'' ``a riveting, often very funny drama that is unlike anything else you will see this year'' and said it was a ``must see show!''

Mike Schulz of the River Cities Reader also raved about the show, calling it a ``stunning achievement'' and ``invigorating, hugely entertaining theatre!''

Jason Tanamor of the Dispatch and Rock Island Argus also gave it a positive review, and called the show ``intense,'' ``dramatic'' and full of ``twists and turns,'' saying it kept the audience ``intrigued and captivated.''

My Verona is only the SIXTH THEATER GROUP IN THE WORLD to produce the Tony and Olivier Award winning thriller by Martin McDonagh, debuting it before theaters in Chicago, Los Angeles and Philadelphia, among others. The show, rated R for violence and language, has been described as ``Quentin Tarantino meets Stephen King.'' It is set in a totalitarian state where a horror writer, Katurian, has been taken into custody for a series of child murders that bear an eerie resemblance to his grim short stories. But did Katurian do it? How does his mentally-unbalanced brother fit into the crimes? And what is the chilling secret of The Pillowman?

Directed and produced by Sean Leary, My Verona's ``Pillowman'' stars Adam Michael Lewis, Tom Walljasper, Chris Browne, Tristan Tapscott, Carrie Clark and Gary Baker.

There is only ONE PERFORMANCE LEFT of My Verona's ``The Pillowman'' -- at 10 p.m. Saturday, June 3 -- TONIGHT! -- at Comedy Sportz, 1818 3rd Ave., Rock Island, IL. Tickets are available at the door, at the Circa '21 box office and by phone at (309) 786-7733, ext. 2.

For more information, see www.seanleary.com and www.myveronaproductions.com.

QC TIMES: My Verona's `Pillowman' a MUST-SEE SHOW

2006-06-01T17:26:00.000-05:00

It looks like we're a hit with the critics. Eeeexcellent. Below is the second of three reviews of the latest show I'm directing and producing, ``The Pillowman.'' Like the previous one posted here, it's a rave... :-)

If you're in the Quad-Cities area, we hope to see you this weekend. The last two showings of ``The Pillowman'' are at 10 p.m. Friday and 10 p.m. Saturday at Comedy Sportz Theatre, 1818 3rd Ave., Rock Island, IL. Call (309) 786-7733, ext. 2 for tickets.

My Verona's `Pillowman' a must-see show

By Ruby Nancy
Quad City Times

Martin McDonagh's 'The Pillowman' is as unsettling as it is unusual, but anyone familiar with his other work -- such as his finely-written, disturbing 'The Beauty Queen of Leenane' -- won't be surprised to find themselves both touched and creeped out by this startlingly funny, often discomfiting play.

Set in a totalitarian state (which, hilariously, is described as such in a line delivered by a police detective), 'Pillowman' centers on the experiences and imagination of a writer named Katurian, whose stories have landed him in a dank, oppressive interrogation room. There's a detective and a cop who are looking for answers in their investigation of a series of child murders, and Katurian's mentally challenged brother is in a holding cell just down the hall, but it is the writer's experience that resonates throughout.

Adam Michael Lewis, who plays Katurian, is absolutely brilliant in the role -- a virtual case study for any budding actor -- and his deeply emotional, fundamentally passionate performance is a stunning work that will burn into the consciousness of every audience member who sees this show. His development over the arc of the play -- from a cowering mass of fear who is willing to cut almost anything from his stories in case it has offended the government in some way, providing that the editing saves his hide -- into an impassioned defender of his work's worth is a thoroughly satisfying dramatic performance. Likewise, Lewis delivers the slivers of wry and sometimes caustic humor that slip out of Katurian with an easy naturalness, and he makes the emotional and intellectual shifts required in this performance with a seamless, spare, earnest elegance that is a thrill to watch.

The show itself is something of a thriller, and I assure you that anyone not already familiar with the story will have no idea what direction the story will take -- a way refreshing change in what can sometimes be a too-predictable genre. Even the sections of script comprised of Katurian's fiction are fascinating, especially as delivered by the multi-faceted Lewis, and director Sean Leary has wisely opted to let the words of the text unfold without a heavy-handed visual style that would have competed with the great work done by the show's star.

The balance of the cast also turns in first-rate portrayals. Chris Browne is droll and understated as Tupolski, the totally dry detective who deadpans lines you can hardly believe he actually said. As Ariel, the uber-aggressive cop charged with beating a confession out of suspects, Tom Walljasper is rough and vicious -- an animalistic force of anger barely contained.

Tristan Layne Tapscott (who also co-produces the show with Leary) gives a subtle performance as Katurian's brother, Michal, and he lends the character a gentle indifference that is wonderfully done. Carrie Clark enlivens several cameo roles and Gary Baker (who is also the show's stage manager, lighting designer and bartender) does great work providing a range of off-stage voices (and not boring ones, either).

Long by modern theater standards -- but with two intermissions -- this is a riveting, often very funny drama that is unlike anything else you will see this year. Though it might not be everyone's cup of tea, it's a must-see for anyone (at least who isn't easily frightened) who craves the chance to experience a new play.

copyright 2006 The Quad City Times

RC READER: My Verona's `The Pillowman' A Stunning Achievement

2006-05-31T16:46:00.000-05:00

Below is the first review of the latest show I'm directing and producing, ``The Pillowman.'' It's quite laudatory and generous, and needless to say, I'm very pleased.

The last two shows are this weekend -- 10 p.m. Friday, June 2 and 10 p.m. Saturday, June 3 at Comedy Sportz, 1818 3rd Ave., Rock Island. If you're in the area, come down and check it out if you can.

From today's River Cities Reader, available in rack carts and newsstands throughout the Quad-Cities:

COVER HEADLINE: My Verona's `The Pillowman' A Stunning Achievement

Review by Mike Schulz

Wednesday- May 31, 2006

Degree of difficulty counts for a lot, so director Sean Leary and his estimable cast would earn points merely for the area existence of Martin McDonaghs horrific fairy tale The Pillowman, the latest and certainly riskiest endeavor from My Verona Productions. McDonaghs play is, quite simply, stunning, a beautifully written, subversively funny, and frequently nerve-racking dramatic thriller. Set in an interrogation room within a fictitious totalitarian regime, author Katurian Katurian (Adam Michael Lewis) endures verbal and physical abuse at the hands of detectives Tupolski (Chris Browne) and Ariel (Tom Walljasper); two local children have been found murdered, another is missing, and as the particulars of the crimes bear a striking similarity to the imagined child-killings in stories Katurian himself writes, the detectives demand a confession. (Theyre not good cop/bad cop so much as pretty bad cop/really bad cop.) What follows is a nightmare meditation on the power, and responsibility, of storytelling, fashioned by a storyteller of remarkable skill and subtlety.

The playwright has a great many things to say about childhood trauma and its effect on the artistic process both for artist and audience yet considering the shows often-repellent subject matter, its themes are presented with the lightest of touches. Plenty of scenes in the work are designed to make audiences wince and recoil the violence comes swiftly, and the threat of violence is ever-present but just as many lull you in with an unexpected gentleness; The Pillowman has gravitas but is never oppressive, and McDonaghs raffish humor is like a tonic. Its the sort of magical theatrical work that audiences can simply enjoy as a spine-tingling creepshow, or, after the curtain call, excitedly discuss with friends, over drinks, for hours on end.

Leary who, with Pillowman co-star Tristan Tapscott, serves as My Veronas co-founder and producer deserves props for bringing McDonaghs 2003 play to area audiences; its exactly the kind of unpredictable, thrilling entertainment were exposed to all too infrequently and deserve far more often. Yet a work of its caliber brings with it an intimidating set of expectations if youre gonna do The Pillowman, youd better be able to do The Pillowman right and with the unique challenges faced by My Verona in its presentation of this show, its understandable that audiences could enter the production feeling somewhat, shall we say, leery.

ComedySportz is, oftentimes, a perfectly acceptable theatrical venue, and last season, My Verona did fine things with the limited, narrow space in Closer and The Santaland Diaries. Yet theres not much to be done about the buildings minimal stage space and bare-bones lighting and sound systems ComedySportz isnt designed for the effects that would make The Pillowman as viscerally entertaining as it probably could be. (The Broadway production received Tony Awards for scenic and lighting design.) Beyond technical constraints, the weekend performances by the ComedySportz improv group itself require that The Pillowman begin at 10 p.m., so audiences shouldnt expect to leave the building until close to 12:45 a.m., which can be a long haul even if youre mad about McDonaghs work. There are, Im sure, a great many reasons for My Veronas loyalty to the ComedySportz space, but, for this particular production, seeking another venue (and an earlier starting time) may have been appropriate.

And then theres this mention, from last Thursdays Rock Island Argus/Dispatch Leary, describing the differences between the Broadway and My Verona productions of McDonaghs work: Ours is more of a multimedia show, using a projector during some scenes to simulate kind of a live-action graphic novel. That description, for me at least, set off a few alarms. (The phrase multimedia, in relation to theatrical works, always makes me nervous, as it suggests an impatience with basic narrative tenets, and The Pillowman doesnt really have any kind of graphic-novel sensibility its more of a wicked, ghastly bedtime story.) Its been said that if you cast your show correctly, half of your work as a director is done, and with the actors assembled for The Pillowman, Learys work was, to put it mildly, halfway done. What about the other half?

Its quite good. Leary orchestrates the escalating tension with a sure, deft hand, and while the actors conversational rhythms are marvelously well-calibrated particularly when Lewiss and Walljaspers overlapping dialogue reaches a boil he has a terrific ear for silence, and the disquieting moments that interrupt it; when one of the detectives shakes a small white box in Katurians face, the light rattling of the contents within gives you the heebie-jeebies, and at one point, the full menace of Brownes cop is crystalized with the perfectly-timed click! of his pen. The Pillowman gains in creepy, suggestive heft as it progresses, and Learys passion for the project is evident through his stage compositions the interrogation room actually seems to tighten as the show nears its climax and the breathing room he gives his sensational performers.

Chris Browne is a peerless dry comic here. He invests his line readings with a hysterical, withering incredulity, and enacts something Im not sure Ive ever seen on-stage before malevolent ennui. Brownes portrayal proves a splendid counterpoint to Tom Walljaspers blistering, nervous energy, and the two play off each other with seasoned flair. (I could go on about Walljaspers focused, heartfelt work here, but after last weeks Reader article on the actor, Im not sure what more I could say without lapsing into embarrassing fan-boy gushing.)

Tristan Tapscott, who plays Katurians childlike brother, Michal, gives what is easily the best performance Ive yet seen from him, and thats saying a lot; his outstanding actors instincts and inventiveness in the role are a little overwhelming. And Lewis blazes through his demanding role with great enthusiasm in the scenes of Katurian breaking down in sobs, Lewis physical and emotional abandon are devastating although he does engage in a bit too much stand-up-comic blitheness during his on-stage re-tellings of Katurians stories. Lewis delivery doesnt reveal an authors energy so much as an actors energy; his Katurian tosses off the tales narration like a performer eager to get to the good parts, without taking the time to luxuriate in their grim (and Grimm) preambles the entirety of the stories, and not just the gruesome punchlines, is the good parts.

A couple of Katurians tales are also slightly impeded by the staging, which is where that multimedia angle comes in. McDonaghs language is so sublime, and the actors delivering the dialogue are so strong, that you dont want to miss anything through changing points of focus as happens when were looking at screened, graphic-novel visualizations and watching action in both the front and rear of the ComedySportz venue, as in a demented ping-pong match. These moments, however, are only momentary lapses. My Veronas The Pillowman is invigorating, hugely entertaining theatre. I just dont want Leary and his organization to be afraid of simplicity; the power of a good tale well-told can, in and of itself, be exhilarating. Sometimes, less is most definitely more.

For tickets to The Pillowman, call (309)786-7733 extension 2.

content copyright 2006 River Cities Reader

COLUMN: Former Dispatch/Argus Columnist Finds Extra Work On ``JenniVince'' Movie

2006-05-30T11:04:00.000-05:00

It's a good thing test audiences hated the original ending of "The Break-Up."

Well, maybe it wasn't such a good thing for the stars of the movie opening this weekend, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn (a.k.a. "Jennivince"). But it was a great thing for ex-Quad-Citian Chad Holtkamp.

Chad, a former member of local band Marshmallow Tree who also performed around the area (and wrote a column, Quad-Cities Underground, for this newspaper) as Chad V, moved to Chicago in 2004 to pursue a career in acting. Since then, he's picked up some gigs here and there and had some fun experiences.

One of which came about because of the aforementioned test screening of "The Break-Up."

When the preview crowds saw the film they disliked that the Aniston and Vaughn characters ultimately stayed apart. Surprise, surprise, they wanted a happy ending with the characters reuniting. (Sorry if I spoiled the ending for all you people who have never seen a Hollywood romantic comedy before.)

So, the filmmakers, wanting happy audiences and the bigger box office they bring, decided to re-shoot the whole finale in Chicago. Chad had submitted his photo and stat sheet to a casting company (www.joanphilocasting.com) and when the "Break Up" filmmakers returned to the Windy City looking for extras, he got the tap for a weekend shoot.

The scene? A high-class party where Jen and Vince's characters reunite. Awww...

Chad's days involved pretending to be chatting in the background, getting free food and drink, talking with people he met on the set and compiling mental notes for a great story to tell friends later. Notes such as...

"Vince said he wanted to run lines and made a beeline for the empty space a few feet to my right...his tie was knotted like crap and was driving me nuts but the rules on the set are no pictures, no autographs, and dont speak to the actors unless they speak to you. Jen came over to run lines and reached up and started to fix his tie. I looked over at him and he looked back and then we both rolled our eyes and laughed. My big Vince Vaughn moment.

"Vince is really cool and talks to the extras and treats everyone really well. He was an extra himself when he started out so I think he remembers what it's like. When we were finishing our last shot indoors, he thanked all the crew for their hard work as well as the extras for being patient. Classy guy. And he really does talk that fast. It's amazing.

"Jen, on the other hand, didn't say boo to anyone. She kind of kept to herself.

"As for the romance between the two, there was a big kiss in the scene and they probably did 30-40 takes throughout the day and it didn't look like it was bothering them."

The bummer? Long days. The Saturday shoot rolled 10 a.m. to 12:30 a.m. the next day. Then they were all called back for 10:30 a.m. Sunday, and were there until 2:30 a.m. Monday.

So will Chad end up getting his few seconds of on-screen glory? It'll be as big a surprise to him Friday as it will be to you.

"I'm not sure what they'll keep," he said. "I'm in a black suit and purplish shirt and tie holding a champagne flute filled with near-beer so look for that. At one point, they had me cross camera and walk right past Jen's shoulder to the other side of the room. You'd definitely see me in that unless they cut it because I'm dwarfing Jen. Oh, and there's an outdoor scene that we shot at 1:30 in the morning where I walk by the entrance to the building in my overcoat."

As for other acting gigs, Chad is ending a year studying at Second City, awaiting the release of two indie films he had larger parts in ("Haunted" and "Through The Night"), continuing to audition and looking to move out to L.A., where there are more opportunities in film.

And, along the way he might just pick up a few more extra bits for the heck of it. But not too many.

"Extra work is fun in small doses but anyone who thinks it's a ticket to stardom is an idiot. Extras are one step above props in the hierarchy of things on a set so it's not glamorous at all and you can't put it on your resume."

But you do end up with a decent story or two.

Blogging ``Pillowman'' In The Spirit Of Gary Troup

2006-05-30T00:03:00.000-05:00

The first weekend of My Verona's ``The Pillowman'' is in the books, and the reaction has been very, very positive. Audiences have been quite receptive and impressed with the show, which obviously pleases us to no end.

I'm extremely happy with the show. I think the cast has been terrific. The performances are amazing and they've all been a real treat to work with -- consummate pros with great, laid-back attitudes and a palpable joy about the work they're doing. Honestly, these guys are the best.

Another great thing about it is that many people have stuck around after the show to discuss certain aspects of it. Our audiences have been a pretty sophisticated lot, picking up on a lot of the little nuances of the script and on the production side of things.

One of the things I loved about directing the show was the abundance of opportunities to throw subtle details into the staging that echo what's going on in the script. We may not have the space or budget to match the fireworks or massive props used in the Broadway or London productions, but there's plenty of room for the kind of theater-of-the-mind imaginative staging that works quite well in our theater's confined and intimate space.

McDonagh's stageplay is so rich with complexities that it's a director's dream to match them up with environmental cues. The kind that are going to have more of a subconscious effect on the audience. That's just one of the reasons this has been such a fun experience for me.

Since we're halfway through the show's run, with only two performances left -- 10 p.m. Friday, June 2 and 10 p.m. Saturday, June 3 at Comedy Sportz Theater, 1818 3rd Ave., Rock Island -- I thought I'd peel back the curtain a bit on some of the thoughts that went into staging ``The Pillowman.'' For those who have seen the show, consider this something like the multimedia stuff that the creators of ``Lost'' are always throwing out there to make the experience more intriguing. For those who haven't seen the show, consider this a form of enticement to get you out to one of the last two performances. If you haven't seen the show and don't want anything to be spoiled, STOP READING RIGHT HERE. Come back later on after you've seen it.

Anyway, here are SOME of the geeky little details I threw into the staging of the show...

* There are only two characters that leave the stage during the show. I won't offer the reason why, I'll let viewers figure it out or draw their own interpretations, but it's intentional that those two characters are the only ones to break free of that space.

* The characters' wardrobes are color-schemed not only to fit in or contrast against the darkness of the stage around them, but also in relation to one another and their roles in the play. The individual actors came up with their own wardrobes based on instructions in regard to color schemes and type of clothing.

* The only non-drab colors used in the show are green and red. The only other color that's used is a dirty light blue. Again, intentional. Again, I'll let you figure out why or come up with your own theory.

* Yes, that is the theme song of a famous children's show you're hearing in the background of Act One, Scene Two. It's in there to draw an ironic juxaposition to the material in the scene as well as the prior scene. And, it's also kind of a creepy gag. I thought of it the first time I read the script and never considered another song for that moment.

* The music accompanying the action in Act Three, Scene One (the ``L.J.'' sequence) is choreographed in time with the underlying soundtrack. The scene begins slow and sinister and builds in intensity with the music. Likewise, the frequency and intensity of the lighting varies in accordance with the action and music.

* Speaking of music, if you're familiar with the backstory of Kurt Cobain and the crux of many of his song's themes you've probably already figured out why I used Nirvana as the sole artist during the duration of the show.

* All of the sound effects were done by me and Scott Morschhauser, of Metrolites and Kabalas fame, in Scott's home studio. One of them (the one at the end of Act Three, Scene Two) involved a MalletKat xylophone with a programmed effect. Another (the one at the end of Act Three, Scene One) involved a crocodile skin suitcase. On the latter, in the background, if you listen in very carefully, you can hear muffled screams, which were done by Scott, standing across the room from the microphone, with his hands over his mouth.

* Also during that latter sequence, Gary Baker, our board op, is rolling the sound back and forth slowly between the speakers to create a sense of the audience being surrounded by the sound.

* The two multi-media slide sequences feature three different styles of art -- photographic, black-and-white graphic novel style and children's crayon drawings. (I provided all the illustrations.) Again, I'll let you figure out why each is used, but there are reasons for each of the styles in relation to the action taking place and in relation to where it lies in the realm of fantasy vs. reality.

* A few of the images used during the slide sequences were sampled from my graphic novel, ``Exorcising Ghosts.''

* There are a lot of subtle variations in lighting within scenes, set up in accordance with the characters on stage and the relationships between them. Certain characters are almost always seen in full, intense lighting. Others are almost never seen in full light.

* The lighting scheme, such as it is, during the Katurian monologues was inspired by the thought of him telling ghost stories at sleepaway camp.

* Originally my thoughts were that the police would have a very Aryan -- fair skin, blue eyes, light hair -- look to them and the prisoners would be darker in features. However, as casting evolved, that caprice took a distant back seat to being able to cast the high-caliber talent that we did.

* That said, there were some slight concerns about the physical dissimilarities between blonde, blue-eyed Tristan Tapscott and brunette, brown-eyed Adam Lewis when casting them as brothers. However, one of the reasons I thought the combination worked as brothers is because I was thinking of them as -- unbeknownst to the characters in the show -- step-brothers. The younger of the two characters undergoes a lengthy period of unpleasantness, shall we say, in the script. And while I was trying to come up with a rationale for that (aside from just general psychopathic tendencies by the parents) one of the things that came to mind was that the mother had been fooling around and once the baby was born, her infidelity was pretty obvious from the looks of him in comparison to the father and the other sibling. The resentment and hatred boiling over from that, and conversely the perverse desire to favor the older child, the father's child, to an extreme measure, was one of the factors leading to the treatment of the younger child. I have absolutely no idea if that was a factor in casting any of the other productions or was even a thought in the mind of the playwright, but it was a consideration for me (aside from the sheer talent of those involved) in justifying the casting.

* There is an obvious leitmotif in the show involving a prop that echos the title.

* The ``missing child'' posters handed out prior to the show as a geeky little prop feature the exact details from the script and a mug shot of the actress from the show. The format of the posters, as well as the actual 800 number and website on the flyers, is cribbed directly from the missing child posters that are sent out in mass mailings and are on display at the post office. A couple of people who attended the show the first weekend thought they were real. Nope. Please don't call the number.

The Sprint Is Over...Sadly, Somewhat

2006-05-30T00:00:00.000-05:00

So, the sprint is over. The first weekend of the show I'm directing and producing, Martin McDonagh's ``The Pillowman,'' is in the books.

Over the last two-three months I've been working on this show and over the last two-three weeks it's been a sprint to the finish line -- literally every waking hour has been spent at my day job, in rehearsal or working on some aspect of the show, everything from shopping for props and costumes to designing the programs.

After this manic rush, the first weekend of a show is all endorphins. It's the flushed face and huge gulps of oxygen tingling your lungs as you stop past the finish line of a marathon. Still teeming with blood and adreneline.

Preview night (the evening before the first official performance) comes and you're eager, edgy. This is still technically a trial run, but sometimes the critics are there to get the review machine cranking, or tastemakers or gossips to hopefully start spreading a buzz, or friends you've invited to show off your new toy and hopefully provide you with support or constructive criticism if need be.

Preview night for ``The Pillowman'' went very well, all considering. We had a few tech problems, but nothing major, and the performances were absolutely brilliant. Kudos all around afterward, with several people saying it was one of the best shows they'd ever seen. Hyperbole, perhaps, but welcome hyperbole nonetheless.

Then it's opening night. The first time the paying public is going to get a taste. The audience is completely out of your control. Anyone with the cash can crash and you just have to sit back and ride the wave. It's still a high, stepping up on the stage and announcing the show, then sitting back and watching everything you've been working on over the last few months finally come to fruition. Something that hadn't been there before come into being. And hoping that at least one of the people in that crowd is going to ``get it,'' is going to get into it the same way you did, that it's going to impact them on the same level and with the same intensity, and that your means of communicating to them through this work is understood on every level upon which you've intended it to mean something to them.

However, sometimes the best you can hope for is that people like it. That people get most of what you were doing. That people walk away affected in some way.

The first night is always interesting. There's always something new added to the mix, always something you're seeing for the first time along with the crowd and that makes it exciting, exhilarating. Theater is a live thing, and like all live performance every night is a unique connection made with the crowd. Maybe it's something as subtle as the way a certain line is read, a different gesture, a different sound; but sometimes it's something larger, a zone, a pocket that the performers find themselves in that elevates the show to something higher and that you can merely sit back and marvel at; marvel that this moment you're seeing will never be replicated again, will never be fully shared with anyone outside this room with you.

The rest of the opening weekend is of a different vibe, subtle shades of difference. The second show is often a pressure drop. The butterflies and adreneline of opening night are dissipated somewhat and it can be a bit more introspective, a bit less immediate than the debut. The third show, if there is one in the first weekend, is typically a rebound, a synergy of the emotion of show one and the looseness of show two.

With ``The Pillowman'' we only had two shows our opening weekend and to some extent they followed the same path. Opening night was electric; the audience and performers played off each other and there was a palpable energy in the air. The show started off with a few flips from nerves, but once it got into a groove it was incredible. The second act was astonishing and the third was a complete knockout. Tears, laughter, shock -- the audience ran the gamut as the scenes glided along and McDonagh's expert script took them on 180 jags and abrupt changes in plot and tone.

The second night was more loose, and while it was strong, it was just a notch below the opening night. There were brilliant, quality stretches and great performances all around, but there was just a little something missing, from that nervous energy of the night before. But that's the way it goes. Everyone remembers their first kiss, but so few remember their second. Same thing.

But nonetheless, you do remember who you were kissing. You do remember why you fell in love or had a crush on them in the first place. And typically the magic is still there, it's merely missing the mystique, the exotic thrill of the new. Such is the case here. The script is still a thing of wicked beauty. The second night performance was one of the best things we've ever done. By any empirical standard it was a knockout, and the audience told us so. Its only flaw was that it wasn't the night before; it was lacking the air of ``the first time.''

But replacing that air was a certain familiarity that breeds a certain melancholy I feel right now, descending from the knowledge that the time is nearer to when the show will be over.

At this point the first weekend is over. One remains. Two shows and a pickup rehearsal are all that's left of this era of time, all that's left to show for the energy, effort, work and commitment of several months time.

And I know I'm going to miss it.

Oh, sure, I won't miss nightly ``naps'' of three hours sleep before starting yet another 21 hour day. I won't miss forgetting to eat and realizing at 1 a.m. that I haven't had anything but coffee, bottled water and Red Bull since noon the previous day. I won't miss using my house as a pit stop and seeing my girlfriend during frantic breaks, quality time over quantity time.

But I will miss the show. I will miss the creative spark. I will miss the people involved -- all of them not only talented actors but funny, engaging, gifted, easygoing people who have been a joy to work with. And I will miss the excitement of seeing something new, something good, being brought into the world every night.

So, knowing that I have only three days left of this, and only two of them within the synergistic relationship between performers and audience, I'm a little sad. Proud, very proud, of what we've accomplished; happy at the good times we've had along the way; but sad in knowing that soon it'll be a memory that I'll be viewing from an ever-growing ways away.

Q and A About ``The Pillowman''

2006-05-27T14:11:00.000-05:00

Want to know more about the behind-the-scenes genesis and creation of My Verona Productions’ ``The Pillowman?’’

The Q and A interview below was conducted with Dispatch/Argus reporter Jason Tanamor prior to the last week of rehearsals for Martin McDonagh’s Olivier and Tony Award winning thriller. Without giving any of the many twists and turns in the show away, it should answer some questions about the production of the show.

As of today there are only three performances left of ``The Pillowman’’ – at 10 tonight (Saturday, May 27), 10 p.m. Friday, June 2 and 10 p.m. Saturday, June 3, with all shows taking place at Comedy Sportz Theatre, 1818 3rd Ave., Rock Island. Tickets ($12) are available at the door, at the Circa ’21 box office or by phone at (309) 786-7733, ext. 2. For more info on My Verona Productions, see the My Verona page on www.seanleary.com or www.myveronaproductions.com.

For more information on ``The Pillowman,’’ read on …

Q: What’s "The Pillowman" and what can you tell me about it?

A: The Pillowman is an Oliver Award and Tony Award winning Broadway hit thriller by Oscar-winning writer Martin McDonagh. It's set in a totalitarian state, where there have been a series of child murders based on the short stories of a horror writer, Katurian. As such, Katurian and his brother, Michal, are hauled into custody and interrogated for their possible roles in the crimes. The police are determined to find out what happened to a missing girl and to see if Katurian or Michal had anything to do with it. But did they? And what is the secret of ``The Pillowman?'' Audiences will have to find out.

``The Pillowman'' was described by one critic as ``Grimm's Fairy Tales as directed by Quentin Tarantino'' and another critic as ``Stephen King meets Quentin Tarantino meets `V For Vendetta.''' I tend to think of it as Stephen King meets Quentin Tarantino with some ``Law and Order'' and a really demented Lemony Snicket thrown in.

On the surface it's a crime thriller crossed with a horror story and dark comedy. Very Tarantino-esque. But underneath a really action-packed show are a lot of very provocative ideas and complex commentary. It's a brilliant script. You can enjoy it on a lot of levels.

Q: You’re only the sixth theater company in the world to do ``The Pillowman.’’ How did that happen and how did you find the script and decide to do the show?

A: I first heard about it about a year ago. A friend of mine on the East Coast told me about it. She said it seemed like something I’d really like. Since this was the same friend that turned me on to David Sedaris, who’s one of my favorite authors, I trust her judgement. So I kind of made a mental note about the script and thought maybe somewhere down the road we’d take a look at it. It was just a blip on the screen at that point, one of a lot of shows we would potentially do in the future. Not long after that, Tristan Tapscott, who co-founded My Verona and co-produces the shows with me, approached me about the script and said the same thing – that it was a great script and that it really seemed like something I would like. He was convinced I would love the script and want to produce it. So I asked him to get me a copy of the script so I could take a look. From the first read-through I was hooked. I loved it. So I said to Tristan we’ve got to do this, and he was already on it, pestering Dramatists, which licenses the shows, about it. It was a lot of pestering. It took months of him bothering them before they finally said yes. And then after that, a few weeks later they yanked it away from us again. I think it was because Chicago’s Steppenwolf Theater was mounting a production a couple months after ours and I don’t think Steppenwolf wanted to get it after some little upstart indie company in its neighborhood. But once we explained to Dramatists that we were a good three hours away from Chicago; that very few if any people were going to be skipping the Chicago production to come to ours; and that we were big fans of Steppenwolf and that we were just a little indie company and no competition for them, I think they saw the light and relented.

Q: The show has been staged on Broadway and by professional theater companies in bigger theaters. You guys are just a little theater company paying for things out of your own pocket in a small space (Comedy Sportz). How are you going to mount a show this size?

A: Well, yeah, obviously we have budgetary and space concerns. But I didn’t want to let that stand in our way of presenting this show. We loved the script and I wasn’t going to let money be an issue or the size of our venue be an issue. If it meant putting off paying my bills a month to get some extra cash, which is what happened, so be it. That said, even with that we definitely don’t have the budget to do some of the things that have been done on Broadway or in other theaters. For example, during the Katurian monologues they have actors acting things out onstage with props and everything, and obviously we can’t do that. One, we can’t afford it. Two, the Comedy Sportz stage isn’t big enough to do it. And three, I doubt we’d find actors who would go through all the time and effort just to have non-speaking roles for a few minutes. Now sure, if I had my way or if I won the lottery tomorrow the production would have a lot greater effects in those sequences and would more closely hew to the script. But things are what they are. And it was too important for us to stage this show and bring it to the Quad-Cities to let those things stand in our way. So, in directing it I had to use my imagination and find innovative ways to express things. The way we're staging it is different than its Broadway production. Ours is more of a multi-media show, using a projector during some scenes to simulate kind of a live-action graphic novel, and using much more theater of the mind staging in other sequences. So yeah, part of the reason for that was budgetary -- we didn't have the money to do the things they did on Broadway. But part of it was by artistic choice -- I thought it worked with more of your imagination filling in the blanks of what happens rather than you seeing the brutality acted out on stage. While keeping the shocking aspects, I wanted to concentrate on the ideas and subtleties involved rather than the gore. That’s in part due to creative choice, but also because if you try to do gore or that kind of big action on the cheap, it looks really bad. It’s better to let people’s minds fill in the blanks because what they can imagine is far worse than anything we would’ve been able to cobble together given our limitations.

Q: What were the theaters that got ``The Pillowman’’ before My Verona?

A: ``The Pillowman'' was first performed in London in 2003. It moved to Broadway in 2004. It was only made available to outside theaters in early 2006, and since then has only been performed in New Brunswick, N.J., Houston and Seattle. My Verona's production will be only the SIXTH in the world. We're getting it before Chicago, Los Angeles and Philadelphia -- all of which will have presentations of the show later in the summer and early in the fall.

Q: How many people are involved?

A: Here's the rundown:

Director and Producer --- Sean Leary
Producer and Assistant Director -- Tristan Tapscott
Stage Manager -- Gary Baker

CAST
Katurian --- Adam Lewis
Tupolski --- Chris Browne
Ariel --- Tom Walljasper
Michal --- Tristan Tapscott
Girl / Mother --- Carrie Clark

We also have a couple of guys, Tyler Leaf and Aaron Brown, who are helping us out with crew and running the projector. But that’s it.

Q: Why did you decide to do this show? I read some of the reviews online and it’s a really controversial show. People seem to love it or hate it.

A: Multiple reasons. I think it's a terrific, provocative script. I think a lot of people have gotten too hung up on its surface narrative and don't look beyond it at what McDonagh is saying about our society, which is what's really important. It's an action-packed script, and can definitely be enjoyed on a thrilling, surface level but there's more to it than that. That complexity is what really attracted me to the project.

That said, I don't think the show is for everyone. It's most definitely not for children, which is why we've rated it R. There isn't much swearing, but there is some violence and there are definitely some horrifying stories being told by the narrator. But, again, I think you see similar things on shows like ``Law and Order: SVU'' or ``Nip / Tuck,'' and in terms of graphic violence, films like ``The Passion of the Christ'' and ``Hostel'' were far more grisly. However, it's not gratuitously violent. The violence is there for a reason; there's a message behind it.

Q: On the same subject, ``The Pillowman’’ is about child murders. What drew you to this type of project?

A: Because it's about so much more than that. That's only part of the surface story. It's really about the violence of childhood -- everything from physical abuse to emotional abuse -- and how people deal with it. Each of the characters in the show have been impacted by child abuse yet they've all made different decisions and have exhibited different degrees of resiliency in dealing with it. It's impacted their adult lives in different ways. Some have been able to overcome it and turn their lives around and some haven't. The murders only act as a catalyst for these characters to be brought together so that we can experience that impact in their lives. If it was merely a gratuitous and superficial horror story about child murders I'd have no interest in it because in general I find the subject repulsive.

Q: What do you want to get out of it and what do you want the audience to get out of it?

A: I want us to present the best show we possibly can. On the surface, I want to present a thriller and a dark comedy -- a show that's creepy and scary in a horror or action film way. But aside from that, ideally I want people to walk away from the theater thinking about the deeper ideas and issues involved.

Q: Anything you wanted to add?

A: For one thing, I think this is one of the most talented casts you're going to see on a local stage this year. The actors in this show are some of the finest in the area, and their work in the show is incredible.

Also, again, I don't think the show is for everyone. If you're squeamish about horror films or don't like thrillers or action movies it may not be for you. It's definitely not for kids or people who may have a difficult time getting past the subject matter. But I think people who are interested in a unique, provocative thriller and dark comedy, people who can handle the violence in a show like ``Law and Order: SVU'' or ``Nip/Tuck,'' fans of Tarantino and Stephen King and people who are especially looking for a powerful, award-winning Broadway hit that they won't see anywhere else should check it out.

COLUMN: The Tom Hanks Code

2006-05-23T12:26:00.000-05:00

It was a dark and stormy night. Last week's column on "The DaVinci Code" had barely hit press and already the e-mails were zooming in fast and furious.

"I totally agree with you! What a hilarious column!"

"What a piece of trash! You're a heathen and you're going to hell!"

"Dear Sir, I am a representative of the Mobutu family. We need your help to transfer TEN MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS..."

But amidst all the din, one missive stood out.

"You don't know how close to the truth you are," the cryptic e-mail began. "Meet me in the Denny's parking lot at midnight if you want to know the rest of the story."

Being curious, and having a permit for a handgun, I decided to go.

Once there, I noticed a shadowy figure lurking out by the dumpster. For a second it seemed he might have been scrounging for food, but once he noticed me, he beckoned me over.

"Mr. Leary, I'm glad you're here. I have information vital to the survival of the human race. Sacred knowledge that has been passed down in darkened corridors by albino monks that could change the world as we know it!"

Cool! This could finally get me that Pulitzer. Really!?!

"Well, no. But it's still pretty interesting."

Fair enough. The Pulitzer can wait. I've still got my "World's Greatest Dad" mug I bought at a garage sale. Which I think is an even more impressive trophy considering I don't have kids.

"You see," the robed man began, "in a number of Tom Hanks films, there is a clandestine code. Very few are aware of it, but those who are savvy immediately notice and note where the code marks are located to uncover certain clues."

Clues leading to what?

"The location... of Adrian Zmed."

Adrian Zmed? The guy who co-starred with Tom Hanks in "Bachelor Party?"

"Yes. Tom always felt bad that his stardom exploded while his pal Zmed was confined to stuff like `Skinamax' movies and `T.J. Hooker.' Since the mid-'80s, Tom has included an homage to his former comrade in each of his films."

Uh, huh. Examples, please.

"In `Big,' Tom plays a man who outgrows his friend and becomes incredibly successful. In `The Man With One Red Shoe,' the missing shoe is symbolic of Hanks being without his partner. In `Forrest Gump,' Forrest falls backwards into several successful situations as his friend Jenny struggles, just like Tom and Adrian.

"`Apollo 13' is all about Hanks being among the stars, adrift and alone, and unable to communicate with his former friend. `Saving Private Ryan' is Hanks' symbolic gesture in trying to reconnect with Zmed. `The Terminal' is about his endless futility in trying to re-establish that bond."

And "The DaVinci Code?"

"Finally, that puts it all together. It's Tom's life story over the last few decades, detailing in symbolism his attempts to uncover that massive secret."

As the man spoke, his face emerging from the shadows of his hood, one thought kept going through my mind...so I said:

Hey dude, you look an awful lot like Adrian Zmed yourself.

"Ah, dang it!" He removed the hood. "Fine, fine, I AM Adrian Zmed."

Uh huh. So why are you contacting me with this information?

"Well, I was kinda hoping that with all the buzz from the `DaVinci Code' and Tom I might be able to get some press, so I'm hitchhiking across the country hitting up entertainment writers who are insightful, open-minded and seem desperate for ideas."

Fair enough.

"So, how 'bout it? How 'bout giving me some ink?"

I don't know. Why should I?

"Uhh...er...because in the movie `Cast Away,' Tom faces insurmountable odds yet somehow finds a way to overcome them? Kind of like my task in getting some press and your task in finding an ending to this column."

Fair enough. People like happy endings anyway, and you can find plenty of movies with them on Zmed's imdb.com profile and the upcoming adrianzmed.com.

"Hey, most of my films on there are late night Skinamax things!"

Yo, Adrian, Tom Hanks isn't the only one who can speak in code.

USA Today: ``The Pillowman'' Is Season's Best; Quad-Cities Debut of ``Pillowman'' Next Weekend!

2006-05-19T03:11:00.000-05:00

The Quad-Cities debut of the Olivier and Tony Award winning thriller ``The Pillowman'' is next weekend, May 26-27 and I'm stoked.

Sure, a large part of that is because I'm directing and producing the show, I admit. But that's because I'm getting to see the incredible job the actors are doing in the rehearsals. Honestly, these are some of the best actors you're going to see in the Quad-Cities, folks. (Above are pictured Adam Lewis, who plays Katurian, and Tristan Tapscott, who plays Michal.)

Now, ``The Pillowman'' isn't for everyone. It's DEFINITELY not for kids or those who are easily offended. Probably not for people who dislike horror films or can't take shows like ``Law and Order: SVU'' or ``Nip / Tuck.''

But if you can get past some of the brutality of the surface story and really get into what the story means, and the way it's put together, the way the characters interact and the thrill ride it presents as being part action film, part horror story and part dark comedy, you'll really appreciate it. It's a provocative, brilliant show.

But, ya know, don't just take my word for it.

Below is USA Today's review of the Broadway production of ``The Pillowman''...

'Pillowman' is season's best
By Elysa Gardner, USA TODAY

NEW YORK — The first thought I had after seeing Martin McDonagh's The Pillowman at London's National Theatre last year, once I had dried my eyes and regained my breath, was that the play would never make it to Broadway. Call me a skeptic, but I couldn't fathom how a drama dealing graphically with the torture and murder of children (and adults) might be viewed as manna for matinee crowds.

Luckily, I was wrong. The production of Pillowman (* * * ½ out of four) that opened Sunday at the Booth Theatre won't likely challenge, say, Mamma Mia! at the box office. But those who skip it will miss the best play of the season — a season that has included stellar efforts from the likes of August Wilson, John Patrick Shanley and Michael Frayn.

Pillowman is the most brutal work yet from the celebrated author of The Beauty Queen of Leenane, and also his most tender, examining how the redeeming and restorative powers of love and creativity can mitigate or be undone by darker impulses.

Set in a police state, the play opens with a writer, Katurian, being interrogated about crimes mirroring those in his twisted children's stories. The detectives, who also have his brain-damaged brother in custody, are as concerned about the influence of Katurian's writings as his involvement in the copycat acts.

In the USA, where freedom of expression has increasingly been challenged by arbiters of morality and good taste, the questions Pillowman raises about individual rights and responsibilities seem even more resonant. Notably, the playwright introduces us to parents whose negative influence exceeds anything that an impressionable or disturbed mind might glean from a movie or CD.

But McDonagh's argument isn't simple or rhetorical. Presenting Katurian as a psychically ravaged man who values his work more than his life, McDonagh reflects not only on the value of art but also its potential price. Billy Crudup movingly evokes Katurian's anguish, and Michael Stuhlbarg is heartbreaking as the brother. Zeljko Ivanek is sharply affecting as a detective with his own troubled secret.

The only weak link in the cast — and it's a glaring one, unfortunately — is Jeff Goldblum, who plays the lead investigator with an effete wryness more suggestive of a bored ad salesman.

Still, Pillowman's presence on Broadway is reason to cheer, however unsettling its subject matter.

COLUMN: The ``Dan Brown Is Getting Another Porsche'' Code

2006-05-17T18:12:00.000-05:00

So, my good friend Tom Hanks and I were sitting in a Taco Bell in Tibet last week and Tom says, "Sean, aside from being the first man to walk on Pluto and the only player to score over 200 points in an NBA game, you're an entertainment writer. What do you think about the church's reaction to my new film, `The DaVinci Code'?"

Glad you asked, Tom. I can always count on you for timely column ideas.

While the "Code" book continues to dominate the best-seller lists, the movie is set for release this weekend. And, sure enough, along with it comes a mound of articles about church groups protesting its claims because, as we all know from the first paragraph of this column, everything in print is true even if it's billed as fiction.

Many in the Catholic church have been tossing brimstone down on Dan Brown's novel since the story became popular. According to Brown's book, Jesus survived the crucifixion, went on to marry Mary Magdelene, sired various children and then formed a musical group with them called The Von Trapp Family Singers.

Or, something like that.

Anyway, according to the "Code," the facts of the Jesus/Mary bloodline have been covered up all these years by the church. Only an underground group of scholars, including Leonardo DaVinci and Kate Winslet, kept the information alive. In the book/movie the Tom Hanks character discovers this explosive secret and because of that is threatened by a crack team of albino monk assassins hired by the church.

Yeah, yeah, I know -- the whole story totally rips off the plot of "Happy Gilmore."

But aside from that, it's relatively harmless fantasy. Intriguing, imaginative, controversial in its subject matter? Yup. The downfall of the church? Probably not.

Is its prime theory possible? Sure. Anything is possible. Is it probable? Not so much. One would've thought that over the last 2,000 years or so someone would have noticed hundreds of kids in pre-schools with the power to turn milk into soda.

Does "DaVinci" have a bigger theme that may be critical of the church? Yeah. Shocker. Dan Brown is hardly the first -- or the last -- author to take up that axe to grind.

But Brown's "axe" in this case is more metaphorical than factual and I think most people realize that.

Ultimately he made the whole thing up, or, rather, used a lot of fascinating source material as inspiration to make the whole thing up. And he did a great job of doing it. Terrific formula. It's a heck of a story, it touches upon source material that a huge number of people are familiar with and -- here's the important part -- it generates controversy.

Controversy generates press which generates sales which generates a beach house and a Porsche for the author. And nothing generates controversy like butting heads with a religion. There you go: the real "Code" is revealed.

Most people who see the film will discount its premise. But its realism isn't the point. It's an adventure movie. It's not a History Channel special. It's there to entertain people. If they're entertained, it's done its job.

Will there be people who see "The DaVinci Code" this weekend and question its plausibility beyond the realm of fiction? Sure. Will they investigate the subject further? Some will.

However, if it's indeed fictional, as the church claims, their investigation will turn up nothing but conjecture.

The church should've laughed the whole thing off -- and indeed some members of the clergy have done that. But with many others causing such an uproar, the church does nothing to help its case with the "swing voters" who would suspect the ideas of the "Code" to be true. Quite the contrary. It may make people question what they're hiding.

Which sounds like a good idea for another movie.

Hmm. Maybe I should give my good friend Tom Hanks a call.

PILLOWMAN sneak preview

2006-05-17T00:44:00.000-05:00

Things are humming along on the set of ``The PILLOWMAN,'' the new My Verona show I'm directing and co-producing.

It's hard to believe that we're only into the second real day of rehearsals; we've gotten so much done already. It's a sprint now -- with rehearsals pretty much every day, long days, through opening night on May 26 (shows are May 26-27; June 2-3; all shows are at 10 p.m. at Comedy Sportz, 1818 3rd Ave., Rock Island. The show is rated R.)

Again, I can't say enough about the cast -- Chris Browne, Adam Lewis, Tom Walljasper, Tristan Tapscott and Carrie Clark have all done a great job and our stage manager Gary Baker is always on with a sharp, meticulous eye.

I'm literally exhausted today -- having gotten up at 7:30 a.m. after three hours of sleep to go do my gigs at channel 8, then to work at the Argus, then over to Comedy Sportz for ``Pillowman'' rehearsals, then back to work at the Argus and now, finally, home, going on almost 24 hours without sleep. But it's a rush to be a part of this show. I'm stoked about it.

And because of that, I want to share with you a few images from the show. Above is a cast picture including Chris, Tom, Adam and Tristan; as well as an illustration from one of the multimedia parts of the show (oh, there are a lot of creepy surprises in store... the show is like a Grimm's Fairy Tale as directed by Quentin Tarantino.)

If you're into Tarantino, Stephen King, horror films, thrillers, dark comedies, etc., I hope to see you there. I think you'll enjoy it.

More later...

Rooting For Pujols To Break The Record

2006-05-14T15:20:00.000-05:00

This would be great to see. I'm a big Pujols fan because he's a terrific player and there's little doubt the guy's clean. He's just an exceptional athlete. Sorta like Barry Bonds before he juiced.

Therein lies the tragedy of Bonds -- he was going to the hall of fame long before he ever ``confused'' steroid ointment for flaxseed oil (cough cough, chuckle). If he would've played it clean he would've gone down in history as one of the top five greatest players ever. But he allowed his envy of twin juice boxes Sosa and McGwire to eat him up and lead him down the path of the plumped head and the withered 'nad.

So if you love baseball, regardless of whether or not you're a Cardinals fan, root for Pujols this year.

From the Chicago Tribune...

Pujols can clean up homer mess
Cardinals slugger puts focus back where it belongs

By Phil Rogers
Chicago Tribune

You know what would be crazy? What if, in the year Major League Baseball studied the impact steroids had during the 1998 home run race and Barry Bonds' 73-homer season of 2001, Albert Pujols had a record season?

It's probably not going to happen. But just for the heck of it, why not consider how our perspective might change if Pujols showed that a great hitter could hit 70-something home runs while subject to random testing for performance-enhancing drugs?

How long would it take for the talk to shift back to the things that were the subject of so many stories in the last half of the 1990s--how the pitching pool has been diluted, the balls juiced, the bats better engineered and the ballparks shrunk? How many of us would suspect Pujols had found a way to beat the testing?

Through the St. Louis Cardinals' 37th game Saturday, Pujols had 19 home runs, including 12 in 20 games at the new Busch Stadium. Imagine what he will do when the air heats up this summer. Could he make a run at 75 to 80 homers?

"Talk to me in September," Pujols told the St. Louis Post Dispatch last week. "Then we'll see."

Pujols was off to a faster start than McGwire and Sammy Sosa in 1998 and Bonds in 2001. Only Cy Williams of the 1923 Philadelphia Phillies got to 18 homers quicker than Pujols.

Pujols won the National League Most Valuable Player award last season but didn't hit his 18th homer until June 20. He finished with 43 and never has hit more than 46 in a season.

"As far as history, I don't know what it looks like," Cardinals center fielder Jim Edmonds said. "But, as far as what I'm watching, it's a pretty impressive start he has put together--quietly. That's all right. That's how he likes it."

Pujols is batting .341 with 47 RBIs and 39 runs scored. He had the game-winning RBI in 10 of the Cardinals' first 22 victories.

Cardinals ace Chris Carpenter is in his fourth season playing alongside Pujols. He says he never has seen him hitting like he is now--quite a statement given that Pujols never has hit less than .314 or driven in fewer than 117 runs in a season.

"He continues to amaze not only myself but a lot of guys in this clubhouse," Carpenter said. "It seems like every time he goes up there, he's going to do something big. He's doing it off all types of pitchers and all types of pitches. And he's doing it in pressure situations. He's a human being and he's going to make mistakes and make outs. But when we need him the most, he comes through."

Carpenter knows something about expectations. But he said he never has seen a guy consistently counted on to deliver like Pujols.

"He does it with everybody in the crowd, everybody in the media and probably a lot of guys on the bench expecting him to do it," Carpenter said. "It's unfair to him. That's a lot of pressure to put on one guy to expect him every time he comes up there to do something huge."

One record that no one ever has made a run at is Hack Wilson's 191 RBIs in 1930. No one has had more than 165 since Hank Greenberg's 183 in 1937. Pujols was on pace for 199 entering the weekend.

"I would say the one thing that's important in my stats is hitting for average--because that's going to give me the opportunity to drive in runs," Pujols said. "If you can drive in some runs, you're going to help your team win. I'd rather take a double in the gap and drive two runs in than hit a solo home run."

It's early, yes. But it's not too early to imagine Pujols having one of the greatest seasons of all time.

COLUMN: Why Chris Was Voted Off ``American Idol''

2006-05-13T19:39:00.000-05:00

To say it was a shock is an understatement.

This week, when Chris Daughtry was voted off ``American Idol,'' everyone's jaws dropped. The judges, the audience, the contestants, and certainly Daughtry's.

After Katherine McPhee's less-than-stellar performances this week, everyone figured it would be her turn to undergo the ``Had A Bad Day'' montage treatment. Nobody thought that Daughtry, the longtime heavy favorite to win, would be packing his bags.

So what was it that caused this shift? How did Chris go from being the dead-on favorite to win in most odds pools and experts' articles to being on the outside looking in?

I think it was a combination of various factors, all of which added up to negative momentum.

1.) The ``why vote?'' factor: Maybe his fans were overconfident? Since everyone thought he was going to win, they might not have been as motivated to vote, figuring that ``someone else would do it.'' Enough people experience the same overconfidence and all the sudden the vote totals go down and Katherine is able to sneak by him. Related to that is...

2.) The ``underdog'' factor: It's a very American trait to root for the underdog. Chris, by most every measure, was the favorite in the competition. Perhaps that worked against him. Also, the more the other contestants became seen as the underdogs, the more fervently their fan bases, and swing voters, turned out to vote for them to preserve their spots on the show. The greater the perception fans had of fighting for their underdog, the more mobilized they would be to vote.

3.) The ``same-old, same-old'' factor: Daughtry's got a future as a mainstream rock star, and one of the reasons why is because he's able to take almost any material and turn it to his advantage in that genre. We saw that throughout ``Idol.'' But in doing so, many times the material started to sound too ``samey.'' Every week his performances were becoming uniform -- something Simon alluded to at one point -- and perhaps people were more excited by the chances taken by the other three contestants.

4.) The ``rock star'' factor: A rock singer has never won ``Idol.'' One of the reasons is because the audiences for pop, r&b and especially country are larger than those for rock. Even the most popular rock singers on the show -- Constantine, Bo Bice -- have gotten as far as the top five and then come up short. Chris is just the latest to follow that trend.

5.) The ``armadillos'' factor: Perhaps related to that, there's a line in the film ``This Is Spinal Tap'' where the band attempts to explain why its music appeals primarily to a young male audience. Nigel and Derek attribute it primarily to the overt sexuality of the music and their appearance, noting that ``we come out on stage, and we've got these armadilloes in our pants... it's quite frightening really.'' Well, Chris didn't exactly go the tight leather pants route, but his performances had been getting more and more overtly sexual. Consider the male contestants that do well on ``Idol'' -- Clay Aiken, Justin Guarini, Ruben Studdard, etc. Clean cut, non-threatening males who aren't overtly sexual, and when they do dip into that realm are more on the romantic side of that world. As Chris started to utilize the more sexual aspect of rock, the audience became uncomfortable with that, which led to his departure. Which leads to...

6.) The material factor: Nowhere was this more apparent than in Chris's last performance, doing the songs of Elvis Presley, whose sexuality on stage caused a furor with the same mainstream audience which makes up the dominant voting bloc on ``Idol.'' Think about the songs Chris sang. ``Suspicious Minds'' is a dark tale of possible infidelity and suspicion over passions gone awry. ``A Little Less Conversation'' is even more controversial, so to speak, in that it's a blunt declaration to its female audience to shut up and get in bed. And not for a nap. Whether it was conscious or subconscious, the blatantly sexual messages behind those songs -- and the strongly dominant masculine thrust of both -- could've turned off the predominantly mainstream female audience of ``Idol.''

But then, of course there's also this:

7.) The ``it was time for him to go'' factor: Chris was a talented vocalist, no doubt. But even his most ardent fans would have to objectively admit Elliot and Katherine are better singers. In terms of sheer vocal talent and range they're the best two remaining. And while Chris was a charismatic and confident performer, he didn't have the same ``anything for a cheer'' crowd-pleasing exuberance of Taylor, who has built a huge audience through his showmanship. Eclipsed in vocal talent by Elliot and Katherine and outdone in performance by Taylor, Chris was low man on the totem pole in the eyes of the audience, which led to his dismissal.

Any or all of these factors could've led to his departure.

In general, I was disappointed to see Chris go. He seemed like a good guy, judging by all he's done for his family off-screen, and he deserves to succeed. However, even without ``Idol'' I can see that happening. Already Fuel has asked him to be their lead singer and apparently record labels have come calling. In the end, he may end up getting ``Clay's revenge'' so to speak -- becoming even more successful than the people who outlasted him on ``American Idol.''

First ``Pillowman'' rehearsal gets things off to an exciting start

2006-05-13T19:14:00.000-05:00

Had the first rehearsal for ``Pillowman'' today (the show I'm currently directing and producing) and I couldn't be happier with the results.

The actors are doing a tremendous job. The talent in the cast is incredible and it shone through today. We did one run through blocking the first scene of the first act (which is a long scene) and when we went over it again, BOOM, everyone had it down and was already going the jazz route and putting their own character to it. Just brilliant to behold.

Our last actor brought on board, Tom Walljasper, is already almost off-book, and, as with anything Walljasper does, he's bringing it to a high level of quality. The chemistry between him and Chris Browne, who is playing the good cop to his bad cop, is everything I thought it would be.

Browne is a revelation; I think a lot of people will be surprised by him in this role, but I knew he had it in him all along. Chris is typically cast as the good guy, the ``Dad'' parts, and his character, Tupolski, is a rather sardonic, slowly poisonous cop. He's bringing it to life with a killer slow-burn intensity.

And Adam Lewis, hey, what can you say about this guy? He's one of the best actors, and one of the most underrated actors, in the Quad-Cities. He's got the most difficult part in the show --- Katurian, the horror writer accused of murder. He not only has to deliver the widest range of emotions throughout, playing off all the characters, but he's on stage literally the entire show. It's an amazing amount of material to memorize.

But Lewis is already showing how he's going to knock this thing out of the park. His instincts and performance ability are excellent. A scene where he recounts a ``conflict resolution'' with his parents is already taking on a disturbing weight and creepiness that I think will thrill audiences.

It's going to be a great show. Honestly. I can't wait to see it.

Tomorrow we'll run the scene between Adam and Tristan Tapscott, another terrific actor (and the co-producer of the show) playing the part of Katurian's brother. We'll also be going through another of the creepy narrative sequences. Should be fun.

I'll have more info on the show here as things progress...

Chris Daughtry Blog Coming Tomorrow

2006-05-13T03:17:00.000-05:00

Sorry folks, I'm caught up in non-stop prep for the show I'm directing, ``The Pillowman,'' so I won't be posting my column on the Chris Daughtry controversy until tomorrow.

Those of you who come out to see ``The Pillowman'' (10 p.m. May 26-27 and June 2-3 at Comedy Sportz, 1818 3rd Ave., Rock Island) will see what I'm talking about. There's a lot of pre-production going into the show. I'm doing about 20 illustrations for multimedia scenes and I've got to record various sound effects and that's on top of marketing the show, working out direction, putting together programs and posters, designing the set backdrops, etc. It's a lot of work. It's fun. It's going to be a great show when all is said and done. But it's a lot of work.

Check out the blog tomorrow night for the ``Idol'' column...

Um, Isn't This Unconstitutional And Illegal?

2006-05-12T02:59:00.000-05:00

From USA Today...

NSA has massive database of Americans' phone calls

Leslie Cauley, USA TODAY | May 11 2006

The National Security Agency has been secretly collecting the phone call records of tens of millions of Americans, using data provided by AT&T, Verizon and BellSouth, people with direct knowledge of the arrangement told USA TODAY.

The NSA program reaches into homes and businesses across the nation by amassing information about the calls of ordinary Americans — most of whom aren't suspected of any crime. This program does not involve the NSA listening to or recording conversations. But the spy agency is using the data to analyze calling patterns in an effort to detect terrorist activity, sources said in separate interviews.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: The NSA record collection program

"It's the largest database ever assembled in the world," said one person, who, like the others who agreed to talk about the NSA's activities, declined to be identified by name or affiliation. The agency's goal is "to create a database of every call ever made" within the nation's borders, this person added.

For the customers of these companies, it means that the government has detailed records of calls they made — across town or across the country — to family members, co-workers, business contacts and others.

The three telecommunications companies are working under contract with the NSA, which launched the program in 2001 shortly after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, the sources said. The program is aimed at identifying and tracking suspected terrorists, they said.

The sources would talk only under a guarantee of anonymity because the NSA program is secret.

Air Force Gen. Michael Hayden, nominated Monday by President Bush to become the director of the CIA, headed the NSA from March 1999 to April 2005. In that post, Hayden would have overseen the agency's domestic call-tracking program. Hayden declined to comment about the program.

The NSA's domestic program, as described by sources, is far more expansive than what the White House has acknowledged. Last year, Bush said he had authorized the NSA to eavesdrop — without warrants — on international calls and international e-mails of people suspected of having links to terrorists when one party to the communication is in the USA. Warrants have also not been used in the NSA's efforts to create a national call database.

In defending the previously disclosed program, Bush insisted that the NSA was focused exclusively on international calls. "In other words," Bush explained, "one end of the communication must be outside the United States."

As a result, domestic call records — those of calls that originate and terminate within U.S. borders — were believed to be private.

Sources, however, say that is not the case. With access to records of billions of domestic calls, the NSA has gained a secret window into the communications habits of millions of Americans. Customers' names, street addresses and other personal information are not being handed over as part of NSA's domestic program, the sources said. But the phone numbers the NSA collects can easily be cross-checked with other databases to obtain that information.

Don Weber, a senior spokesman for the NSA, declined to discuss the agency's operations. "Given the nature of the work we do, it would be irresponsible to comment on actual or alleged operational issues; therefore, we have no information to provide," he said. "However, it is important to note that NSA takes its legal responsibilities seriously and operates within the law."

The White House would not discuss the domestic call-tracking program. "There is no domestic surveillance without court approval," said Dana Perino, deputy press secretary, referring to actual eavesdropping.

She added that all national intelligence activities undertaken by the federal government "are lawful, necessary and required for the pursuit of al-Qaeda and affiliated terrorists." All government-sponsored intelligence activities "are carefully reviewed and monitored," Perino said. She also noted that "all appropriate members of Congress have been briefed on the intelligence efforts of the United States."

The government is collecting "external" data on domestic phone calls but is not intercepting "internals," a term for the actual content of the communication, according to a U.S. intelligence official familiar with the program. This kind of data collection from phone companies is not uncommon; it's been done before, though never on this large a scale, the official said. The data are used for "social network analysis," the official said, meaning to study how terrorist networks contact each other and how they are tied together.

Carriers uniquely positioned

AT&T recently merged with SBC and kept the AT&T name. Verizon, BellSouth and AT&T are the nation's three biggest telecommunications companies; they provide local and wireless phone service to more than 200 million customers.

The three carriers control vast networks with the latest communications technologies. They provide an array of services: local and long-distance calling, wireless and high-speed broadband, including video. Their direct access to millions of homes and businesses has them uniquely positioned to help the government keep tabs on the calling habits of Americans.

Among the big telecommunications companies, only Qwest has refused to help the NSA, the sources said. According to multiple sources, Qwest declined to participate because it was uneasy about the legal implications of handing over customer information to the government without warrants.

Qwest's refusal to participate has left the NSA with a hole in its database. Based in Denver, Qwest provides local phone service to 14 million customers in 14 states in the West and Northwest. But AT&T and Verizon also provide some services — primarily long-distance and wireless — to people who live in Qwest's region. Therefore, they can provide the NSA with at least some access in that area.

Created by President Truman in 1952, during the Korean War, the NSA is charged with protecting the United States from foreign security threats. The agency was considered so secret that for years the government refused to even confirm its existence. Government insiders used to joke that NSA stood for "No Such Agency."

In 1975, a congressional investigation revealed that the NSA had been intercepting, without warrants, international communications for more than 20 years at the behest of the CIA and other agencies. The spy campaign, code-named "Shamrock," led to the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA), which was designed to protect Americans from illegal eavesdropping.

Enacted in 1978, FISA lays out procedures that the U.S. government must follow to conduct electronic surveillance and physical searches of people believed to be engaged in espionage or international terrorism against the United States. A special court, which has 11 members, is responsible for adjudicating requests under FISA.

Over the years, NSA code-cracking techniques have continued to improve along with technology. The agency today is considered expert in the practice of "data mining" — sifting through reams of information in search of patterns. Data mining is just one of many tools NSA analysts and mathematicians use to crack codes and track international communications.

Paul Butler, a former U.S. prosecutor who specialized in terrorism crimes, said FISA approval generally isn't necessary for government data-mining operations. "FISA does not prohibit the government from doing data mining," said Butler, now a partner with the law firm Akin Gump Strauss Hauer & Feld in Washington, D.C.

The caveat, he said, is that "personal identifiers" — such as names, Social Security numbers and street addresses — can't be included as part of the search. "That requires an additional level of probable cause," he said.

The usefulness of the NSA's domestic phone-call database as a counterterrorism tool is unclear. Also unclear is whether the database has been used for other purposes.

The NSA's domestic program raises legal questions. Historically, AT&T and the regional phone companies have required law enforcement agencies to present a court order before they would even consider turning over a customer's calling data. Part of that owed to the personality of the old Bell Telephone System, out of which those companies grew.

Ma Bell's bedrock principle — protection of the customer — guided the company for decades, said Gene Kimmelman, senior public policy director of Consumers Union. "No court order, no customer information — period. That's how it was for decades," he said.

The concern for the customer was also based on law: Under Section 222 of the Communications Act, first passed in 1934, telephone companies are prohibited from giving out information regarding their customers' calling habits: whom a person calls, how often and what routes those calls take to reach their final destination. Inbound calls, as well as wireless calls, also are covered.

The financial penalties for violating Section 222, one of many privacy reinforcements that have been added to the law over the years, can be stiff. The Federal Communications Commission, the nation's top telecommunications regulatory agency, can levy fines of up to $130,000 per day per violation, with a cap of $1.325 million per violation. The FCC has no hard definition of "violation." In practice, that means a single "violation" could cover one customer or 1 million.

In the case of the NSA's international call-tracking program, Bush signed an executive order allowing the NSA to engage in eavesdropping without a warrant. The president and his representatives have since argued that an executive order was sufficient for the agency to proceed. Some civil liberties groups, including the American Civil Liberties Union, disagree.

Companies approached

The NSA's domestic program began soon after the Sept. 11 attacks, according to the sources. Right around that time, they said, NSA representatives approached the nation's biggest telecommunications companies. The agency made an urgent pitch: National security is at risk, and we need your help to protect the country from attacks.

The agency told the companies that it wanted them to turn over their "call-detail records," a complete listing of the calling histories of their millions of customers. In addition, the NSA wanted the carriers to provide updates, which would enable the agency to keep tabs on the nation's calling habits.

The sources said the NSA made clear that it was willing to pay for the cooperation. AT&T, which at the time was headed by C. Michael Armstrong, agreed to help the NSA. So did BellSouth, headed by F. Duane Ackerman; SBC, headed by Ed Whitacre; and Verizon, headed by Ivan Seidenberg.

With that, the NSA's domestic program began in earnest.

AT&T, when asked about the program, replied with a comment prepared for USA TODAY: "We do not comment on matters of national security, except to say that we only assist law enforcement and government agencies charged with protecting national security in strict accordance with the law."

In another prepared comment, BellSouth said: "BellSouth does not provide any confidential customer information to the NSA or any governmental agency without proper legal authority."

Verizon, the USA's No. 2 telecommunications company behind AT&T, gave this statement: "We do not comment on national security matters, we act in full compliance with the law and we are committed to safeguarding our customers' privacy."

Qwest spokesman Robert Charlton said: "We can't talk about this. It's a classified situation."

In December, The New York Times revealed that Bush had authorized the NSA to wiretap, without warrants, international phone calls and e-mails that travel to or from the USA. The following month, the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a civil liberties group, filed a class-action lawsuit against AT&T. The lawsuit accuses the company of helping the NSA spy on U.S. phone customers.

Last month, U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales alluded to that possibility. Appearing at a House Judiciary Committee hearing, Gonzales was asked whether he thought the White House has the legal authority to monitor domestic traffic without a warrant. Gonzales' reply: "I wouldn't rule it out." His comment marked the first time a Bush appointee publicly asserted that the White House might have that authority.

Similarities in programs

The domestic and international call-tracking programs have things in common, according to the sources. Both are being conducted without warrants and without the approval of the FISA court. The Bush administration has argued that FISA's procedures are too slow in some cases. Officials, including Gonzales, also make the case that the USA Patriot Act gives them broad authority to protect the safety of the nation's citizens.

The chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, Sen. Pat Roberts, R-Kan., would not confirm the existence of the program. In a statement, he said, "I can say generally, however, that our subcommittee has been fully briefed on all aspects of the Terrorist Surveillance Program. ... I remain convinced that the program authorized by the president is lawful and absolutely necessary to protect this nation from future attacks."

The chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, Rep. Pete Hoekstra, R-Mich., declined to comment.

One company differs

One major telecommunications company declined to participate in the program: Qwest.

According to sources familiar with the events, Qwest's CEO at the time, Joe Nacchio, was deeply troubled by the NSA's assertion that Qwest didn't need a court order — or approval under FISA — to proceed. Adding to the tension, Qwest was unclear about who, exactly, would have access to its customers' information and how that information might be used.

Financial implications were also a concern, the sources said. Carriers that illegally divulge calling information can be subjected to heavy fines. The NSA was asking Qwest to turn over millions of records. The fines, in the aggregate, could have been substantial.

The NSA told Qwest that other government agencies, including the FBI, CIA and DEA, also might have access to the database, the sources said. As a matter of practice, the NSA regularly shares its information — known as "product" in intelligence circles — with other intelligence groups. Even so, Qwest's lawyers were troubled by the expansiveness of the NSA request, the sources said.

The NSA, which needed Qwest's participation to completely cover the country, pushed back hard.

Trying to put pressure on Qwest, NSA representatives pointedly told Qwest that it was the lone holdout among the big telecommunications companies. It also tried appealing to Qwest's patriotic side: In one meeting, an NSA representative suggested that Qwest's refusal to contribute to the database could compromise national security, one person recalled.

In addition, the agency suggested that Qwest's foot-dragging might affect its ability to get future classified work with the government. Like other big telecommunications companies, Qwest already had classified contracts and hoped to get more.

Unable to get comfortable with what NSA was proposing, Qwest's lawyers asked NSA to take its proposal to the FISA court. According to the sources, the agency refused.

The NSA's explanation did little to satisfy Qwest's lawyers. "They told (Qwest) they didn't want to do that because FISA might not agree with them," one person recalled. For similar reasons, this person said, NSA rejected Qwest's suggestion of getting a letter of authorization from the U.S. attorney general's office. A second person confirmed this version of events.

In June 2002, Nacchio resigned amid allegations that he had misled investors about Qwest's financial health. But Qwest's legal questions about the NSA request remained.

Unable to reach agreement, Nacchio's successor, Richard Notebaert, finally pulled the plug on the NSA talks in late 2004, the sources said.

Both Parties Demand Answers On Illegal Spying On Americans

2006-05-11T19:20:00.000-05:00

See the story below, from the Associated Press...

OK, I'm all for spying on suspected terrorists. However, I'm also all for using the procedures in place which are there to keep track of who we spy on and why, and I'm also against just randomly spying on every American. We have rights. We live in a free country. This is just plain wrong. There needs to be an investigation and there need to be repercussions for this wrongdoing. It's time to get beyond partisan bickering and stand up -- Democrats, Republicans, everyone -- for our rights.

Congress Demands Phone Records Answers
By LAURIE KELLMAN and DONNA CASSATA, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - Lawmakers demanded answers from the Bush administration Thursday about a spy agency secretly collecting records of millions of ordinary Americans' phone calls to build a database of all calls within the country.

Facing mounting congressional criticism, President Bush sought to assure Americans that their civil liberties were "fiercely protected."

"The government does not listen to domestic phone calls without court approval," said Bush (despite evidence to the contrary and his previous admittance that his administration has indeed done so). "We're not mining or trolling through the personal lives of millions of innocent Americans."

The disclosure, reported in USA Today, could complicate Bush's bid to win confirmation of former National Security Agency Director Michael Hayden as CIA director. It also reignited concerns about privacy rights and touched off questions about the legal underpinnings for the government's actions and the diligence of the Republican-controlled Congress' oversight of a GOP administration.

"Everything that NSA does is lawful and very carefully done," Hayden said while making rounds at the Capitol to advocate for his confirmation. "The appropriate members of the Congress — the House and Senate — are briefed on all NSA activities."

The top-ranking Democrat on the Senate Judiciary Committee said he was shocked by the reported activities.

"It's not one party's government. It's America's government. Those entrusted with great power have a duty to answer to Americans what they are doing," said Sen. Patrick Leahy of Vermont.

AT&T Corp., Verizon Communications Inc., and BellSouth Corp. telephone companies began turning over records of tens of millions of their customers' phone calls to the NSA program shortly after Sept. 11, 2001, said USA Today, citing anonymous sources it said had direct knowledge of the arrangement.

Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Arlen Specter, R-Pa., said he would call the phone companies to appear before the panel in pursuit of what had transpired.

"We're really flying blind on the subject and that's not a good way to approach the Fourth Amendment and the constitutional issues involving privacy," Specter said of domestic surveillance in general.

The companies said Thursday they were protecting customers' privacy but also had an obligation to assist law enforcement and government agencies in ensuring the nation's security.

"We prize the trust our customers place in us. If and when AT&T is asked to help, we do so strictly within the law and under the most stringent conditions," the company said in a statement, echoed by the others.

Sen. Wayne Allard, R-Colo., said NSA was using the data to analyze calling patterns in order to detect and track suspected terrorist activity, according to information provided to him by the White House. "Telephone customers' names, addresses and other personal information have not been handed over to NSA as part of this program," he said.

Rep. Edward Markey of Massachusetts, ranking Democrat on the House Energy and Commerce Committee's telecommunications and internet panel, had a different view: "The NSA stands for Now Spying on Americans."

Claims about the existence of the program emerged earlier this year.

In January, the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a San Francisco-based group devoted to preserving privacy in digital media, alleged in a federal lawsuit that AT&T Inc. had given the NSA direct access to the records of the more than 300 million domestic and international calls and the huge volume of Internet data traffic. AT&T Inc. includes the AT&T Corp. and SBC Communications Inc.

The class action lawsuit asked a court to halt the collection of the data as an illegal invasion of citizens' privacy.

The Justice Department told the court late last month it would seek to dismiss the case under the state secrets privilege but said that effort "should not be construed as a confirmation or denial" of the alleged surveillance activities.

The foundation's suit added that its evidence substantially confirmed a Dec. 25 Los Angeles Times report that since Sept. 11, 2001, "NSA has had a direct hookup into the database" at AT&T code-named "Daytona," which "keeps track of telephone numbers on both ends of calls as well as the duration of all landline calls."

On Capitol Hill, several lawmakers expressed incredulity about the program, with some Republicans questioning the rationale and several Democrats railing about a lack of congressional oversight.

"I'm not sure why it would be necessary to keep and have that kind of information," said House Majority Leader John Boehner, Republican-Ohio, who wanted more details.

House Democrats called for a special counsel to investigate the NSA's activities. West Virginia Sen. Jay Rockefeller, the top Democrat on the Senate Intelligence Committee, who is to be briefed on all NSA activities, also called current congressional oversight "woefully inadequate."

But Senate Intelligence Chairman Pat Roberts, R-Kan., lamented leaks and said a select panel overseeing Bush's warrantless surveillance program, which was disclosed in December, has been fully informed of NSA activities. "Calls for further oversight are unnecessary," he said.

NSA spokesman Don Weber said that given the nature of the agency's work, it would be "irresponsible to comment on actual or alleged operations issues." He added, "the NSA takes its legal responsibilities seriously and operates within the law."

A government official, while not confirming the existence of the NSA program, pointed to a 1979 Supreme Court case, Smith v. Maryland. The official said justices ruled that the acquisition of basic phone records — calling numbers, called numbers and duration of calls — is not a "search" under the Fourth Amendment and that individuals do not have a reasonable expectation of privacy in such call record data.

But Kate Martin, director of the Center for National Security Studies, said after that case Congress required courts to approve the use of electronic devices that capture basic information about calls in real time, or to get a court order or a subpoena for phone records stored by phone companies.

NSA is the same spy agency that conducts the controversial eavesdropping program that had been acknowledged earlier by Bush. The president said last year that he authorized the NSA to listen, without warrants, to international phone calls involving Americans when terrorism is suspected. (However, several groups have produced evidence that has shown that organizations such as peace groups and organizations against the Iraq war have also been spied on.)

Thursday's report came as Hayden — Bush's choice to lead the CIA — postponed some visits to lawmakers on Capitol Hill. He already faced criticism because of the NSA's secret warrantless surveillance program. As head of the NSA from March 1999 to April 2005, Hayden also would have overseen the call-tracking program.

Sen. Dianne Feinstein (news, bio, voting record), D-Calif., who has spoken favorably of the nomination, said the latest revelation "is also going to present a growing impediment to the confirmation of Gen. Hayden."

One big telecommunications company, Qwest Communications International Inc., has refused to turn over records to the program, USA Today said, because of privacy and legal concerns.

Sun-Times scalds MSM for shying from Colbert

2006-05-10T03:26:00.000-05:00

Wow. The divide between web news and the MSM was in vivid relief over the past week over the Stephen Colbert story. While nary a peep, or barely a scolding peep, was heard about Colbert's bit in the MSM, the web has been teeming with stories on it, both pro and con. It's very strange to witness the contrast if you, like me, get your news from both mainstream and alternative -- particularly online -- sources.

So, if you haven't been following it, what's it all about? Below, the Chicago Sun-Times TV critic looks at the issue, and reprints Colbert's speech in full.

Read it and judge for yourself.

From The Chicago Sun-Times

Did media miss real Colbert story?

May 7, 2006

BY DOUG ELFMAN Television Critic

A "blogstorm" is thundering across liberal Web sites. Many liberals are furious at the White House press corps for virtually ignoring Stephen Colbert's keynote speech at the press corp's own White House Correspondents' Dinner last Saturday. To non-liberals, this may seem like an isolated complaint. To liberals, it further justifies their belief that the media, particularly TV news, is a big stinking cabal of conservatives.

The truth is many in the media wrote about Bush's stand-up routine at the dinner as if they had just watched the coming of a comic genius, but they didn't report much on Colbert's funnier, harsher jokes. This may have been a case of the press corps following a standard motto: to the winner goes the spoils, and Bush got more laughs (out of copy written for him) than Colbert did.

How did Bush tickle reporters? He made fun of the fact that he can barely speak English (he is quite simply the worst communicator of all U.S. presidents), that our vice president is a heartless face-shooter, and that Bush is basically an idiot.

Ha ha, our "war president" knows he's a village idiot? To members of the White House press corps, that's some real funny stuff. To non-insiders, this looked like another example of good old boys and gals slapping each other on the back.

Colbert's routine was more remarkable for its unique and creative brazenness. He joked that Bush's presidency is like the Hindenburg; that Bush's wiretappers were monitoring this very event, and that the White House press corps, sitting in front of Colbert, gave Bush a free pass, scandal after scandal, until recently (when his polls numbers dropped).

How's this for a newsworthy lead? It was perhaps the first time in Bush's tenure that the president was forced to sit and listen to any American cite the litany of criminal and corruption allegations that have piled up against his administration. And mouth-tense Bush and first lady Laura Bush fled as soon as possible afterward.

From whom were they fleeing? A star comedian pretending to be a Fox News-like blowhard doing a sort of performance art that America hasn't witnessed nationally since the days of Andy Kaufman. Even if Colbert's bit had been reported as a train wreck, that would have sufficed. Instead, shocking lines like the following were barely covered by any traditional organ except industry magazine Editor & Publisher: "I stand by" Bush, Colbert cracked, "because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble, and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world."

For TV reporters in particular to quote that gruesome line would be an agreement with Colbert, that they helped Bush mix politics with corruption from the ashes of 9/11 ("aircraft carriers and rubble"), and failed to see through Bush's politicization of the drowning of an American city after a hurricane ("recently flooded city squares").

But ignoring a newsworthy keynote speech -- at an event the press corps itself set up -- doesn't go unnoticed anymore. Internet stables for liberals, like the behemoth dailykos.com, began rumbling as soon as the correspondents' dinner was reported in the mainstream press, with scant word of Colbert's combustive address.

This is trouble for the media. It has been losing customers to bloggers and Web sites for years. This won't help. The media's implosion of silence could be one of the final reasons many liberals use to not turn on TV news. It's not like they feel a vested interest in the industry anyway, since it has been bought and parceled by conservatives.

There is Rupert Murdoch's Fox News, that Pravda of GOP propaganda and breeding ground for Bush appointees. There are the networks' Sunday news shows that give more face time to Republicans. There are cable news channels like MSNBC, where Republicans have programmed the shows and hired on-air Republicans and conservatives-lite, from Tucker Carlson to Joe Scarborough and Chris Matthews. Some TV watchdogs even chronicle these conservative media daily, backed up by transcripts and video clips from TV news shows, in the expansive Web site, MediaMatters.com.

On cable, only CNN still plays the journalism-school middle ground most of the time, questioning liberals, moderates and conservatives with equal skepticism and respect. Clearly, in terms of advertising revenue, CNN alone cares to attract the disposable income of American viewers of all political stripes.

To liberals, this must be somewhat puzzling, since the rest of the conservative media primarily sides with a president whose approval ratings stand at 32 percent, a whisker better than Nixon's before he resigned in disgrace.

Liberals find true solace on TV only in the fake news of Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show," a place where Jon Stewart merely has to show actual clips of Bush speaking, or Condi Rice, or Cheney, or Donald Rumsfeld to elicit laughter at their hubris. If NBC News let in audiences during its broadcasts, those people might also laugh at the president.

But the TV news corps, the unthinking and unblinking herd of pack journalists, prefer to laugh with the president, and kiss many viewers goodbye.

Transcript: 'I'm a simple man with a simple mind'

In his keynote speech at the media dinner, Stephen Colbert played the earnest but clueless newsman of his Comedy Central TV show, 'The Colbert Report.' Here's an edited transcript:

Wow, wow, what an honor. The White House Correspondents' Dinner. To just sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face.

Is he really not here tonight? The one guy who could have helped.

By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything at their tables, speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers and somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.

Ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Mr. President and first lady, my name is Stephen Colbert and it's my privilege tonight to celebrate our president. He's not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the "fact-inista." We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up," and that's not true. That's because you looked it up in a book. Next time look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works.

Every night on my show, "The Colbert Report," I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the no-fact zone. Fox News, I own the copyright on that term.

I'm a simple man with a simple mind, with a simple set of beliefs that I live by.

Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow.

I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.

And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has the right to their own religion, be it Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all I believe in this president. Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32 percent approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

So, Mr. President, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. Pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32 percent means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.

Folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull, before a comeback. I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." The president is Rocky and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world. It's the 10th round. He's bloodied, his corner man [is] Mick, who in this case would be the vice president, and he's yelling "Cut me, Dick, cut me," and every time he falls she says stay down! Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up and in the end he -- actually loses in the first movie. OK. It doesn't matter. The point is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face.

So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68 percent of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68 percent approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car.

And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am. I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitists telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen. What's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914. If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American. I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this man's beliefs never will.

And as excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story -- the President's side and the vice president's side. But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason -- they're super depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.

Over the last five years you people were so good over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The president makes decisions, he's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home.

Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know, fiction.